Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 20 November 2015 by Steve GTX
Originally Posted by Kevin-W:
Originally Posted by JamieWednesday:

OK...

 

I recently set up a dating agency for chickens. But it's a struggle financially, I'm finding it hard to make hens meet.

 

 

Oh my. That is good. Worthy of Tim Vine.

I was just going to say that you must have been to see Tim Vine but you got there first. 

 

I've seen T.V. live and to start off the gig, he held up a piece of card with the word BAD written on it and then said "that's not a good sign".....and went on from there......... brilliant! 

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by JamieWednesday
He is the Pun Master
Posted on: 20 November 2015 by BigH47

She was only the astronomers daughter but she was a meteor.

 

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by Mike-B

I was telling a friend about my trip to Norway & how beautil the fjords are,  he said he prefered Nissan

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by Southweststokie

She was only the goal keepers daughter but she liked her Udders-field and her Arse-n-all.

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by dayjay
Originally Posted by BigH47:

She was only the astronomers daughter but she was a meteor.

 

At least things are looking up for her

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by Kevin-W
Originally Posted by Steve GTX:
Originally Posted by Kevin-W:
Originally Posted by JamieWednesday:

OK...

 

I recently set up a dating agency for chickens. But it's a struggle financially, I'm finding it hard to make hens meet.

 

 

Oh my. That is good. Worthy of Tim Vine.

I was just going to say that you must have been to see Tim Vine but you got there first. 

 

I've seen T.V. live and to start off the gig, he held up a piece of card with the word BAD written on it and then said "that's not a good sign".....and went on from there......... brilliant! 

When I saw him a few years back Steve, he walked onstage with half a football on his head and said:

 

"I don't know why, but people keep kicking my head in"...

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by Big Bill
Originally Posted by Southweststokie:

She was only the goal keepers daughter but she liked her Udders-field and her Arse-n-all.

...and she liked it up against the Millwall.

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by count.d
Originally Posted by JamieWednesday:

 

 

I recently set up a dating agency for chickens. But it's a struggle financially, I'm finding it hard to make hens meet.

 

 

 

 

 

Just tried this on my FB and it's gone down pretty well. Thanks Jamie, everyone now continues to think I'm clever and very funny. 

Posted on: 20 November 2015 by jjbomber

She was only the barman's daughter, but she pulled the wrong knob and got stout.

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Snorkeling in the Sargasso Sea.

That's easier said than done....

Unless you have a lisp.
Posted on: 21 November 2015 by MDS

What shop sells right-angled triangles?

 

Pythag-R-Us

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by MDS

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

 

A head-banger.

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by hungryhalibut

Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference. 

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by hungryhalibut

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. 

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by MDS
Originally Posted by Hungryhalibut:

Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference. 

I like that one 

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by MDS

What should you do if you steal a pet rabbit?

 

Make a run for it.

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by MDS

What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?

 

Your house gets repossessed.

Posted on: 21 November 2015 by JamieWednesday

I really enjoyed painting my kitchen today. I was overcome with emulsion.

Posted on: 22 November 2015 by Paper Plane

She was only the Town Clerks daughter but she let the Borough Surveyor.

 

steve

Posted on: 23 November 2015 by JamieWednesday
What do you call James Bond in the bath?



Bubble-O-Seven...
Posted on: 23 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Women seem to want security.

At least that's what they yell whenever I approach them.
Posted on: 23 November 2015 by TOBYJUG

How deep do frogs like their spawn pool

 

 

Knee deep

Posted on: 24 November 2015 by tonym

I was reversing my car earlier this morning, and I thought - This takes me back.

Posted on: 24 November 2015 by Steve GTX

Mine is 12" ..........but I don't use it as a rule