Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 24 November 2015 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Steve GTX:
Mine is 12" ..........but I don't use it as a rule
I wish mine was 12'' long ... instead of this big monster I've got.
Posted on: 24 November 2015 by Steve GTX
Originally Posted by jjbomber:
Originally Posted by Steve GTX:
Mine is 12" ..........but I don't use it as a rule
I wish mine was 12'' long ... instead of this big monster I've got.
Don't want to rain on your parade jj but apparently " is the universal sign for inches.... not centimetres!
Posted on: 24 November 2015 by Steve GTX
Man went to the zoo and the only animal on show was a dog - it was a Shih Tzu!
Posted on: 24 November 2015 by DBS-Al
She was only the beauticians daughter but Max Factor.
Posted on: 24 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 24 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
BBC - Glastonbury monks perpetuated myths.
I'm pretty sure they weren't the only monks doing it.
Posted on: 25 November 2015 by BigH47
From a Twitter exchange about the "Tampon Tax"
Q: What's the plural of vagina? Vaginas? Vaginae?
A: Vaginas.
But the plural of clitoris is clitorides. Hard to get one's tongue around,
Posted on: 25 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
You can tell ISIS are just some misguided idiots. Who the hell wants 72 virgins? I'll take two fire breathing whores any day.
Posted on: 25 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
I was sitting in the hospital canteen, when the doctor came over, looking all weepy eyed.
"What's up, doc?" I asked, before tucking into my sandwich.
"I'm afraid your wife didn't make it." he said.
"I can tell," I replied. "This sandwich is gorgeous."
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by tonym
On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.
Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the
Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in
Heaven?
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me
go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven".
"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
"You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration,
slamming his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted,
"It took me three months to find a priest up here.
Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by Briz Vegas
There is only one word to describe this thread. Punishment.
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by Briz Vegas
..........notice how i didn't call it capital punishment. There was a good reason for that.
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by jjbomber
Originally Posted by Briz Vegas:
..........notice how i didn't call it capital punishment. There was a good reason for that.
because you said there was one word to describe this thread, not two?
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Originally Posted by Briz Vegas:
There is only one word to describe this thread. Punishment.
We have a masochist among us! Run! Run!
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by tonym
Let's have a whip-round for him, poor chap.
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by Richard S
Have you heard of the plan to show the Flintstones in the UAE? Apparently those in Dubai don't like it but those in Abu Dhabi do 
Posted on: 26 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
I was stunned how calm and relaxed my parents were when I came out as gay to them.
Because the wife was livid.
Posted on: 27 November 2015 by rodwsmith
A lot of people say I'm egocentric.
But enough about them.
Posted on: 27 November 2015 by nigelb
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic.
Yeah, he doesn't believe in dog.
Posted on: 27 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Best MoT certificate ever?
Posted on: 27 November 2015 by MDS
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Best MoT certificate ever?
Brilliant! That tester should get a bonus.
Posted on: 27 November 2015 by bicela
Originally Posted by tonym:
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted,
"It took me three months to find a priest up here.
Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
That's so far the better one since weeks!
Posted on: 28 November 2015 by tonym
Broken pub quiz machine for sale.
Cash sale - no questions asked.
Posted on: 28 November 2015 by GraemeH
Originally Posted by tonym:
Broken pub quiz machine for sale.
Cash sale - no questions asked.
Good!
Posted on: 28 November 2015 by Tony Lockhart
Downtown al Khobar, Saudi Arabia. It'll take you a while to spot the comedy.
