Best Jokes (continues)

Sneaky, I have removed your post with the pictured cartoon joke.  I'm fairly sure it was just an unfortunate coincidence, as a derailment here in the UK is hardly likely to make it into any paper stateside, particularly as it has been somewhat overshadowed by reports of potentially an even greater tragedy that unfolded yesterday.

Richard Dane posted:

Sneaky, I have removed your post with the pictured cartoon joke.  I'm fairly sure it was just an unfortunate coincidence, as a derailment here in the UK is hardly likely to make it into any paper stateside, particularly as it has been somewhat overshadowed by reports of potentially an even greater tragedy that unfolded yesterday.

As I watched the events unfold on the TV yesterday morning I couldn't stop a loop from an R.E.M. track running through my head...

"This is the end of the world as we know it ... but I feel fiiiine".

Phil :-)

(Edited to correct numpty mistake of remembering it as Barenaked Ladies rather than R.E.M. and then being corrected my minds immeasurably superior to my own ... not bad for a Friday though. )

Phil Harris posted:

Richard Dane posted:

Sneaky, I have removed your post with the pictured cartoon joke.  I'm fairly sure it was just an unfortunate coincidence, as a derailment here in the UK is hardly likely to make it into any paper stateside, particularly as it has been somewhat overshadowed by reports of potentially an even greater tragedy that unfolded yesterday.

As I watched the events unfold on the TV yesterday morning I couldn't stop a loop from a Barenaked Ladies track running through my head...

"This is the end of the world as we know it ... but I feel fiiiine".

Phil :-)

Isn't that an R.E.M track ?

james n posted:

Phil Harris posted:

Richard Dane posted:

Sneaky, I have removed your post with the pictured cartoon joke.  I'm fairly sure it was just an unfortunate coincidence, as a derailment here in the UK is hardly likely to make it into any paper stateside, particularly as it has been somewhat overshadowed by reports of potentially an even greater tragedy that unfolded yesterday.

As I watched the events unfold on the TV yesterday morning I couldn't stop a loop from a Barenaked Ladies track running through my head...

"This is the end of the world as we know it ... but I feel fiiiine".

Phil :-)

Isn't that an R.E.M track ?

Well spotted!

Phil

Richard Dane posted:

Sneaky, I have removed your post with the pictured cartoon joke.  I'm fairly sure it was just an unfortunate coincidence, as a derailment here in the UK is hardly likely to make it into any paper stateside, particularly as it has been somewhat overshadowed by reports of potentially an even greater tragedy that unfolded yesterday.

Nope, just an example of my horrible timing.  No idea about any derailment; its been the election and nothing but the election over here.  Not only do we miss hearing about global events in the US, we rarely hear about important that happen here.  I actually do read UK sites a lot, but typically for information about what's happening in the US!

Now that the election is over I intend to completely shut out the media if I can.

I went to the zoo today and saw a baguette in a cage.
The keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

Anyone heard a good fish joke lately?

Let minnow.

Nicola Sturgeon?

Joe, do you realised what you have Starfished?

BigH47 posted:

Nicola Sturgeon?

took over from Alex Salmon

There's a special plaice for people like Joe.

BigH47 posted:

Nicola Sturgeon?

She's an operator.

G

Biden: "I Showed him the drone remote control in your desk drawer."
Obama: "Joe, that's an etch-a-sketch."
Biden: "Yup."

Didn't know if I was coming or going today so I went to see my GP
DR AWKWARD
He's a specialist in Palindrome illnesses.

          Roksan, you don't have to put on the red light.

My wife doesn't think I can mend our electric shower. Well, she's in for a shock!

Michael Caine is having a party for all of the 'beautiful people' of the time. The Beatles, the Stones, Mary Quant, Twiggy, The Hollies and Jim Morrison and the boys from the group are there.

After a while Michael sees Jim Morrison and the boys go upstairs to a bedroom with a groupie.

An hour or so later everyone emerges with big smiles all round and rejoin the party.

After a while Michael sees the groupie with one of the Beatles and decides to keep an eye on the situation.

Shortly afterwards he sees the groupie and the Beatle emerging from a bedroom, the groupie, with a messy face.

Michael shouts at her, 'Oi,you were only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!'

steve

Speaking of blowing the bloody Doors off .....

What’s the difference between love, lust, and lewd?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Why didn't the Lifeguard save the hippie ? 

Because he was too far out !

Brilliant!

Hilarious,

And I thought we had issues on our forum...

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.co...ays-are-in-the-week/

JamieWednesday posted:

Hilarious,

And I thought we had issues on our forum...

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.co...ays-are-in-the-week/

 

That's the best thing I have read for a long time. I think the Josh needs to go back to school and learn to count