Best Jokes (continues)

Last week I went to a dry comedy and cross-country cycling convention.

Lots of dead pannier jokes.

I was winning an argument with a member of the Flat Earth Society.

I think I might have just pushed him over the edge.

The difference between a cat and a comma?   One has claws at the end of it's paws and the other has pause at the end of it's clause.

Its paws and clause, surely? You've got to get spelling and grammar jokes right...

No, I think this is an onomatopaeic joke - the spelling's fine, it just needs to be read out loud for full effect!

It may be onomatopoeic but the spelling is still wrong. 

You need to get out more Nigel  ...    ...  happy new year,  & hope its a ton & a half better than its been for you in 2016.   

Yes correct, however, the penultimate and a previous word should have been "its".

Nick from Suffolk posted:

Yes correct, however, the penultimate and a previous word should have been "its".

Spot on, I just didn't see any need to be pedantic!

Mike-B posted:

You need to get out more Nigel  ...    ...  happy new year,  & hope its a ton & a half better than its been for you in 2016.   

Cheers Mike, and the same to you. My friend James has a terrible grammar joke:

Why can't you run on a campsite?

You can only ran, because it's past tents. 

...And yes, I did notice the its - nicely done. 

Hungryhalibut posted:

Its paws and clause, surely? You've got to get spelling and grammar jokes right...

I can't see anything wrong with the spelling in Mike's post (and the grammar of it's v its has already been pointed out)

The spllng is fine - I was simply pointing out that it should be 'its paws' and 'its clause' rather than the spelling of the paws and clause themselves. It that makes sense. Mike saw the funny side anyway, which is the main thing. 

Let's get back to the jokes, guys. Grammar & spelling lessons can be pursued elsewhere.

What do you catch from kissing a budgie? Chirpies. 

That's more like it. One from the Xmas crackers, I think. 

One of the Pope's people goes in to see the Pope.  We have twenty cases of herpes in the Vatican, he says. Ah, says the Pope, that makes a change from the usual Frascati. 

Sad news. Today we lost the inventor of the protractor. He's with the angles now.

The geometry teacher wasn't at school today because he sprained his angle.     

I was asked why I divided sin by tan.  I answered 'cos.

I don’t wish to sound obtuse, but these jokes are acutely embarrassing.

A geometer went to the beach to sunbath & became a TanGent. 

You rarely find mathematicians at the beach because they use sine & cosine to get a tan

Mike-B posted:

The geometry teacher wasn't at school today because he sprained his angle.     

Our's slipped on the icy pavement and landed on his straight edge.

George W went to Algiers & apologised for addressing the meeting in English saying he didn't speak algebra,  

Our maths teacher claims his calculator is faulty. Something doesn't add up.

They don't serve drinks at maths parties because you can't drink and derive...