Best Jokes (continues)

My ideal woman is like the square root of minus 100.

A perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

As we are on math jokes & its the naim forum   ...............

A mathematician, an engineer & a Naim software guy were on a long car journey.   In the middle of nowhere the car spluttered to a halt.  The engineer said l can check it out to see whats wrong, but I don't have any tools.  The mathematician said we passed a garage 1.3 miles back,  one of us can walk back & get help.   The Naim guy said if we all get out, close & lock the doors,  then get back in again,  in the right sequence, then see if that fixes it.

Mike-B posted:

As we are on math jokes & its the naim forum   ...............

A mathematician, an engineer & a Naim software guy were on a long car journey.   In the middle of nowhere the car spluttered to a halt.  The engineer said l can check it out to see whats wrong, but I don't have any tools.  The mathematician said we passed a garage 1.3 miles back,  one of us can walk back & get help.   The Naim guy said if we all get out, close & lock the doors,  then get back in again,  in the right sequence, then see if that fixes it.

Then there was the constipated mathematician. He worked it out with a pencil.

Mike-B posted:

As we are on math jokes & its the naim forum   ...............

A mathematician, an engineer & a Naim software guy were on a long car journey.   In the middle of nowhere the car spluttered to a halt.  The engineer said l can check it out to see whats wrong, but I don't have any tools.  The mathematician said we passed a garage 1.3 miles back,  one of us can walk back & get help.   The Naim guy said if we all get out, close & lock the doors,  then get back in again,  in the right sequence, then see if that fixes it.

The Naim guy announced a new firmware revision soon that fix the problem, people then trusted him.

Several months later 3 person are found dead in a car out of service for an apparently minor issue, apparently very close to a garage, just beside the Linn dealer of the area.

bicela posted:

The Naim guy announced a new firmware revision soon that fix the problem, people then trusted him.

Several months later 3 person are found dead in a car out of service for an apparently minor issue, apparently very close to a garage, just beside the Linn dealer of the area.

Why didn't they pull the key out, wait 10 seconds, and then put the key back in and turn it on? 

Mike-B posted:

As we are on math jokes & its the naim forum   ...............

A mathematician, an engineer & a Naim software guy were on a long car journey.   In the middle of nowhere the car spluttered to a halt.  The engineer said l can check it out to see whats wrong, but I don't have any tools.  The mathematician said we passed a garage 1.3 miles back,  one of us can walk back & get help.   The Naim guy said if we all get out, close & lock the doors,  then get back in again,  in the right sequence, then see if that fixes it.

....the naim guy, being a so-called computer expert, suggested they replace the luggage compartment lid.................re-boot it.

or just kick the tyres again........re-boot it.

Don Atkinson posted:

....the naim guy, being a so-called computer expert, suggested they replace the luggage compartment lid.................re-boot it.     or just kick the tyres again........re-boot it.

  ......  I will add that one as a variant to my jokes collection if I may be so permitted Don.  Problem is our colonial friends in the Americas will be scratching their heads;   re-trucking doesn't work on my computer & retiring is what I did a few years ago. 

Don Atkinson posted:

x² - x² = x² - x²

x(x - x) = (x + x)(x - x)

x(x - x) = (x + x)(x - x)

x = (x + x)

x = 2x

x = 2x

1 = 2       QED

Not sure if this belongs here, or in the Brain Teaser thread ?

Not sure if you want the answer but you can't divide both sides by x-x, as that is 0.

So even though 2x0=1x0, it does not mean that 2=1.

Devastated A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort,training and money. A genuinely nice guy and brilliant vet.

jjbomber posted:

Don Atkinson posted:

x² - x² = x² - x²

x(x - x) = (x + x)(x - x)

x(x - x) = (x + x)(x - x)

x = (x + x)

x = 2x

x = 2x

1 = 2       QED

Not sure if this belongs here, or in the Brain Teaser thread ?

Not sure if you want the answer but you can't divide both sides by x-x, as that is 0.

So even though 2x0=1x0, it does not mean that 2=1.

Exactly!

What do we want? More Mavis from Coronation Street impersonators. When do we want it? Well I don't really know....

TOBYJUG posted:

TOBYJUG posted:

"Who's the jack ass that left the toilet seat up?"

The volume of a deep-crusted pizza, radius "z" and thickness "a" is...............

...........Pi-z-z-a.......

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

..............He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Old mathematicians never die, they just loose some of their functions.

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a goat?

- The modulus of the sheep times the modulus of the goat times the sine of the angle between them times a unit normal.

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a fish?

- You can't do it, a fish is scalar.

An opinion without 3.14159 leaves a only an onion.

 Take all measures to avoid getting hit in the face by pi. It will never end.

The person who invented predictive text died yesterday. His funfair is next monkey

As I get older I've found that pleasing everyone is getting harder & harder, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.