Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
And talking of getting older ...........
OLD' IS WHEN....
Your wife says, 'Let's go upstairs & make love,' and you answer, 'I can't do both'
You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the supermarket car park
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to take a leak.
Mike-B posted:The person who invented predictive text died yesterday. His funfair is next monkey
Mike, you got in a right mucking fuddle with that
The animal rights fanatics at PETA have launched a new campaign to stop farmers and nomad herders filling their animals with helium. As a libertarian, I'm not at all bothered by this practice - whatever floats your goat, I say...
So 32% of the UK electricity generated on Christmas Day was by wind.
Personally, I blame it on the Brussels sprouts.
Talking of 'lecky power
How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?
- Eon
Still seven weeks to pancake day and the shops are selling eggs and flour already.
steve
Apparently FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out
.... which makes me a FOMO-sexual.
As its a hifi forum: Hi Bill "Did you hear the news about Bob; he died last night”. “No !! Really !!! , what a shocker, so sad. ….. sigh ….. What did he have?” “NDS, 252, 300 & Sopra-2's"
Two aerials meet on a roof, they fall in love & get married. The reception was brilliant.
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
It takes balls to be a transvestite
Mike-B posted:It takes balls to be a transvestite
Yep, that's true whichever way you dress it up.
Just had my water bill of ￡175 drop on the door mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just ￡2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
Stevee_S posted:Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just ￡2 a month.
... and £1.95 of that goes to the charity collector!
I was pretty surprised that "Yell for help" wasn't one of them.
Last night I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor, at first I was afraid; I was petrified.
elkman70 posted:Last night I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor, at first I was afraid; I was petrified.
Stealing this in 3..2..1
Up for a joke that gets ugly fast?
Have you heard the one about the baby seal that walked into a club?
Talking of clubs; a four ball game complained about slow play of the group ahead. The club steward apologised & said its all part of the clubs policy on embracing the local community, "they are from the blind home" he said. "OK a good thing to do, but why don't they play at night"
I won't let my kids watch big band or symphony orchestra concerts - too much sax and violins.
In the light of new information,
Acts now tipped for DJT inauguration:Urethra Franklin, Wet Wet, Wee Papa Girl Rappers, Waterboys, Yello and Slash from Guns'N'Roses.
DJT should step down at the earliest public convenience.
DJT lost his viagra, he told Melania "The erection is rigged!"
Just a reminder to all those who stole electrical goods in last year's riots....your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.
............ & talking airplanes. I took my family to visit the AIR & SPACE museum ... there was nothing there.
A passenger was giving the gate attendants a hard time because of a 1 hour storm delay, she asked "Sir, would you rather be down here wishing you were up there, or up there wishing you were down here."
Did you know ............ Saddam Hussein kept his hifi in a rack ...
.......... why are boxing rings square?
.......... before they got married Jay-Z called his girlfriend Feyonce