Best Jokes (continues)

tonym posted:

Highlighter pens are the future...

Mark my words.

I thought that was garlic bread?

No garlic bread leaves oily stains on the paper!

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

G

GraemeH posted:

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

G

Then a side discussion on the night & day difference between LED & incandescent 

Mike-B posted:

GraemeH posted:

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

G

Then a side discussion on the night & day difference between LED & incandescent 

...and whether they can be dimmed.

G

GraemeH posted:

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

G

And several members to stress the importance of trying the replacement bulb at home to test room interaction etc and not to buy in the store on specifications alone.

MDS posted:

GraemeH posted:

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

G

And several members to stress the importance of trying the replacement bulb at home to test room interaction etc and not to buy in the store on specifications alone.

...and a clutch who have never 'gone electric' and wax lyrical that candle is still the only way to experience real enlightenment.

G

GraemeH posted:

MDS posted:

GraemeH posted:

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

And several members to stress the importance of trying the replacement bulb at home to test room interaction etc and not to buy in the store on specifications alone.

...and a clutch who have never 'gone electric' and wax lyrical that candle is still the only way to experience real enlightenment.

At least one person would say go 272N and 250DR...then there's at least half a dozen who'd say plug a Hugo into the socket.

MDS posted:

GraemeH posted:

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

G

And several members to stress the importance of trying the replacement bulb at home to test room interaction etc and not to buy in the store on specifications alone.

...a 'ohm dem' then.

G

GraemeH posted:

MDS posted:

GraemeH posted:

jjbomber posted:

Mike-B posted:

How many hifi forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
etc

1 to ask politely if upgrading the cable would improve the performance of the bulb

4,999 to argue about cables for the next 10 years!

At least one forum member to query whether it's best to leave the bulb permanently powered up...or to switch off when not in use.

G

And several members to stress the importance of trying the replacement bulb at home to test room interaction etc and not to buy in the store on specifications alone.

...and a clutch who have never 'gone electric' and wax lyrical that candle is still the only way to experience real enlightenment.

G

Ah, yes, Graeme. I remember that exchange with Denon-system man . 

A pirate paid a buck an ear for a piercing.

steve

A little old man hobbles up to the White House and asks the Marine guard 'I'm here to see President Obama.'
The Marine replies 'Sir, Obama is no longer President.'
The old man says 'OK' and hobbles away.
This scene is repeated for several days, and the Marine is growing concerned about the old man and asks him if he is alright.
The old man replies 'Oh I'm alright, I just like hearing you say "Obama is no longer President."'
The Marine snaps to attention, gives the old man a crisp salute, and says 'Very good, Sir! Look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Sir!'

If trump is shot at will his bodyguard shout, 'Donald Duck'

No. Bodyguard must wait to be sure, then whisper in his ear, 'You're fired'.

The little old man joke reminds me of a very old joke told by navy guys about the marines:

Bill Clinton comes back from a state visit on Air Force One. He walks down the red-carpeted stairway carrying two small pigs. The marine at the bottom of the stairs discreetly mumbles, "Nice pigs, sir!" 

Clinton says, "These are Vietnamese potbellied pigs. Aren't they cute? I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."

The marine mumbles, "Nice trade, sir!"

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

In Egypt a golden wrapped mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has just been discovered.
Archaeologists believe it may well be Pharaoh Roche...

There is a fine line between Numerator and Denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

And talking of teacher & 'Little Johnny' jokes .................  Ms. Smith saw one of her students making faces at others on the playground & stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces I would get stuck like that."      Little Johnny replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned."