Best Jokes (continues)

Stolen joke of the day:-

Confession for Today: I haven't always worn a belt. In fact my trousers would often fall down unexpectedly

But that was many moons ago .

Christopher_M posted:

"An apology" from the Hampshire Chronicle:

"During an election profile article on the Winchester UKIP candidate Martin Lyon in the Chronicle last week there was a typographical error in the words “county councillor” producing what looked like a crude remark.

The error attracted some vulgar attention on social media.

We apologise to Mr Lyon for the error and any embarrassment caused."

That reminds me of an application form we received at work, in which the applicant stated in the 'reasons for applying for this job' section 'I have always wanted to work for the Cunty Council'. They weren't shortlisted. 

When working on the (then) new Scotland office building the first letter that arrived from the newly appointed main contrator was to the job architect, Simon White.

It was addressed 'Dear Mr Shite'.

This is going to go well we thought.

G

British Pound is diving, time to buy Naim!?

Snait in the grass - don't give up your day job.

thebigfredc posted:

Snait in the grass - don't give up your day job.

He hasn't got one.  Not old enough yet

Yebbut what if you don't happen to like fries? Can't I have soused herrings in a piquant sauce in my box? Not that I'm mad about them, just prefer them to fries. And they're sort of related in a way.

Is that a "yes" then?

Adam Meredith posted:

tonym posted:

Yebbut what if you don't happen to like fries? Can't I have soused herrings in a piquant sauce in my box? Not that I'm mad about them, just prefer them to fries. And they're sort of related in a way.

Thinking beyond productivity

Using Yebbut to Generate and Restructure Ideas

The word “yebbut” is a term coined by Edward de Bono in the sixties as a grammatical shorthand for a number of alternative thinking operations. The word has no magic powers in itself, but once you’re accustomed to using the operations it’s meant to invoke, their usage is less cumbersome, just as converting mathematical word problems to numerals and symbols makes reckoning easier.

Yebbut stands for yes but.
Provocation is used to see where an idea or statement leads to with further exploration. Traditional logic, what de Bono calls rock logic, is concerned with “what is,” using the judgment system to determine whether or not a statement is true, or to classify something into a known category. The alternative to judgement is movement, or water logic, which is concerned with “what can be,” following a provocation is see what it leads to.

Since yebbut is an operation rather than a noun, verb, preposition or adjective, the term doesn’t lend itself to a convenient dictionary definition. But the uses for yebbut can be explained and described without much difficulty. The first step is to become familiar with the thinking operations represented by yebbut, then it becomes easy to use the word in context. There are three primary uses.

Denoting a provocative statement

The first use of yebbut is at the beginning of a phase or sentence to indicate that what follows is a provocation. Whether or not the statement is true is irrelevant; it’s only used for effect, as a novel point of departure for stimulating new trains of thought that hopefully result in new ideas.

.......these two must be the best jokes in over 215 pages. Hee hee hee.........

I have been laughing for more than 8 hours and I just don't know when I will calm down enough to stop.......

Umm..interesting but I thought the word, or rather phrase, was 'Yebbut Nobbut'. I believe this phrase is used by young people to buy some thinking time in order to extricate themselves from difficult or embarrassing situations. If more time is needed then the phrase is repeated several times. I believe the phrase originated on an estate in Bristol by a young lady called Vicky and spread (via TV) to the rest of the country, but I am happy to be proved wrong (by Adam probably). Not sure any philosophers were involved, just teenagers.

I can't help but think that some people have too much time on their hands, if they interact on threads like this!!!

BigH47 posted:

I can't help but think that some people have too much time on their hands, if they interact on threads like this!!!

But you managed to find the time! 

nigelb posted:

BigH47 posted:

I can't help but think that some people have too much time on their hands, if they interact on threads like this!!!

But you managed to find the time! 

Maybe I should have added a  ?

London estate agents insist market is 'booming' after woman pays £1bn for house on Downing Street

Conortsun posted:

London estate agents insist market is 'booming' after woman pays £1bn for house on Downing Street

Glasgow Rangers could do with the money.

Time wasted is time . . . well, spent.

A Wimbledon themed joke:-

The wife told me the best way to enjoy strawberries, is to dust with icing sugar and pile cream on top.

But Pile cream tastes awful . . .

BigH47 posted:

Time wasted is time . . . well, spent.

A Wimbledon themed joke:-

The wife told me the best way to enjoy strawberries, is to dust with icing sugar and pile cream on top.

But Pile cream tastes awful . . .

So you listened to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue on Monday as well then Howard?

MDS posted:

Conortsun posted:

London estate agents insist market is 'booming' after woman pays £1bn for house on Downing Street

Glasgow Rangers could do with the money.

And to continue the theme, does the deductions for "NI" shown in our payslips mean Northern Ireland? (stolen from the Evening Standard)

LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

Good old Little Johnny. My favourite is the mating call of the oyster. It needs to be seen rather than written.