Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 17 October 2017 by Paper Plane
steve
Posted on: 17 October 2017 by joerand
In the wake of the Las Vegas shooting the National Rifle Association is now pointing blame squarely at alcohol pricing at the concert venue. Beers were $10, shots were free, and there was no cover.
Posted on: 18 October 2017 by thebigfredc
Joe
I know they say comedy is tragedy plus time and on this occasion not enough time has elapsed.
Ray
Posted on: 18 October 2017 by joerand
Ray,
They also say tragedy needs comedy and I held onto that one for almost two weeks before posting. There's a point at which a joke becomes stale. I see it as a political shot with the NRA at the brunt. The late, great American comedian George Carlin said “It’s a comedian’s duty to find the line and deliberately cross over it.”
Let me know if it's too soon for this one ....
What do the World Trade Center towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of each and now if you joke about either you're bound to offend someone.
Posted on: 19 October 2017 by Bert Schurink
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I
got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said,
"I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo... and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter... Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR!!!
Posted on: 19 October 2017 by TOBYJUG
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb ?
A Brazilian.
Posted on: 19 October 2017 by TOBYJUG
Where do animals go when their tails fall off ?
A Retail Store.
Posted on: 22 October 2017 by rodwsmith
Knock knock
Who's there?
Dejav
Dejav who?
Knock knock
Posted on: 23 October 2017 by Daveas
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
(Thanks to Stewart Copeland)
Posted on: 24 October 2017 by joerand
How many Trump assistants does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to replace the bulb and a second to call the New York Times and blame Obama for using an energy-efficient bulb.
Posted on: 25 October 2017 by Salmon Dave
rodwsmith posted:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Dejav
Dejav who?
Knock knock
Posted on: 26 October 2017 by wenger2015
My wife said ' pass the lip balm' I accidentally passed her superglue.... That was a week ago, she's still not speaking to me now
Posted on: 26 October 2017 by TOBYJUG
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ? Philip Glass.
Posted on: 26 October 2017 by VladtheImpala
TOBYJUG posted:
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ? Philip Glass.
Or Mary Hopkin?
Posted on: 26 October 2017 by Ardbeg10y
TOBYJUG posted:
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ? Philip Glass.
Brilliant!
Posted on: 26 October 2017 by TOBYJUG
VladtheImpala posted:
TOBYJUG posted:
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ? Philip Glass.
Or Mary Hopkin?
Posted on: 26 October 2017 by VladtheImpala
TOBYJUG posted:
VladtheImpala posted:
TOBYJUG posted:
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ?
Knock Knock.
Who's there ? Philip Glass.
Or Mary Hopkin?
Imposter! I'm spinning in my coffin..................
Posted on: 28 October 2017 by TOBYJUG
Posted on: 28 October 2017 by TOBYJUG
Posted on: 31 October 2017 by tonym
Posted on: 01 November 2017 by wenger2015
I'm not always sarcastic, sometimes I'm sleeping....
Posted on: 01 November 2017 by joerand
tonym posted:
If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults.
Posted on: 02 November 2017 by Beachcomber
Once married, men know that they are always at fault.
If a man is alone in the middle of a forest where no-one can hear him and says something - is he still wrong?
Posted on: 02 November 2017 by Paper Plane
Beachcomber posted:
Once married, men know that they are always at fault.
If a man is alone in the middle of a forest where no-one can hear him and says something - is he still wrong?
Yup.
steve
Posted on: 05 November 2017 by Stephen Tate
WHO murdered Snap, Crackle and Pop?
A cereal killer.
