Best Jokes (continues)

I think my wife sells drugs  

As I was leaving the phone rang.

When I answered it, the bloke on the other end said "Has that dope gone yet?"

I read today that Viagra is to become a non-prescription drug. I asked my pharmacist if I could get it over the counter. He said if I could get it over the counter then I didn't need Viagra.

steve

I was cuddling up to my girlfriend under the blanket on a cold winter night.
"My bum is freezing." she whinged.
"Let me check," I replied. "Wow, it's like Siberia!"
"Is it THAT cold?" she chuckled.
I said, "Nope, it's huge."

The RBS Christmas tree 

No branches

Already managed to buy one requested Christmas present - 

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................  My Top Tip of the day

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................    

Careful Mike - Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

The dielectric type will be the next big debate,  latex or one of the polyurethane formula's   

james n posted:

..........    Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

It really cuts out every hint of network noise,  absolute inky black silence.

james n posted:

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................    

Careful Mike - Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................  My Top Tip of the day

 

Just tried the ribbed variety can’t get the cable back in the NDX its gone very stiff.

Tony Lockhart posted:

The RBS Christmas tree 

 

 

No branches

Thanks Tony. Slight edit and I can use this one.

Watching the football live on telly while holding a PlayStation controller. My wife has gone very, very quiet.  

I've just seen a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.

It was a Lamb Bikini.

Pcd posted:

james n posted:

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................    

Careful Mike - Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................  My Top Tip of the day

 

Just tried the ribbed variety can’t get the cable back in the NDX its gone very stiff.

I found things a lot less fluid sounding.

G

count.d posted:

Tony Lockhart posted:

The RBS Christmas tree 

 

 

No branches

Thanks Tony. Slight edit and I can use this one.

I have.

I was in bed last night pulling my boxers off when my girlfriend walked in and said that I spoil those dogs.  

Cabrio season

I scared the postman today by going to the door naked.

I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.

U2 warbler Bono has just unveiled his latest tax-efficient investment - a bowling alley on the outskirts of Dublin.

He told the FT: "What's unique about this addition to my portfolio is that it offers the consumers real choice - it is the only alley in the world that offers two modes of bowling: With or without shoes."

Attended a Led Zeppelin convention recently. Big disappointment. 

Despite all the hype it was poorly organized never really got off the ground.