Best Jokes (continues)

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................    

Careful Mike - Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

The dielectric type will be the next big debate,  latex or one of the polyurethane formula's   

james n posted:

..........    Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

It really cuts out every hint of network noise,  absolute inky black silence.

james n posted:

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................    

Careful Mike - Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................  My Top Tip of the day

 

Just tried the ribbed variety can’t get the cable back in the NDX its gone very stiff.

Tony Lockhart posted:

The RBS Christmas tree 

 

 

No branches

Thanks Tony. Slight edit and I can use this one.

Watching the football live on telly while holding a PlayStation controller. My wife has gone very, very quiet.  

I've just seen a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.

It was a Lamb Bikini.

Pcd posted:

james n posted:

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................    

Careful Mike - Give it a few weeks and that'll be the next must have networked audio tweak 

Mike-B posted:

Re todays news about not using Kaspersky anti-virus products  ................  My Top Tip of the day

 

Just tried the ribbed variety can’t get the cable back in the NDX its gone very stiff.

I found things a lot less fluid sounding.

G

count.d posted:

Tony Lockhart posted:

The RBS Christmas tree 

 

 

No branches

Thanks Tony. Slight edit and I can use this one.

I have.

I was in bed last night pulling my boxers off when my girlfriend walked in and said that I spoil those dogs.  

Cabrio season

I scared the postman today by going to the door naked.

I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.

U2 warbler Bono has just unveiled his latest tax-efficient investment - a bowling alley on the outskirts of Dublin.

He told the FT: "What's unique about this addition to my portfolio is that it offers the consumers real choice - it is the only alley in the world that offers two modes of bowling: With or without shoes."

Attended a Led Zeppelin convention recently. Big disappointment. 

Despite all the hype it was poorly organized never really got off the ground.

Good xmas deed done this afternoon at the Co-op check out. 

I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under £50. I thought she was probably someone’s Gran. 

She didn’t want me to help her but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves...

steve

Farted on the bus and four people turned around, felt like I was on "The Voice".

There's a yellow snow warning out today. So don't eat any!

My wife say that I have only two faults: I don't listen and some other shit she was rattling on about......

and I liked this from HIGNFY: Russians banned from representing their country at the Winter Olympics although they'll still be allowed to participate in the next US elections!  

WHAT do you call a woman with a foot on either side of a ditch?

Bridget.

Just made a frozen sculpture in the garden.

It looks quite good, icy pose.

Q. How does King Wenceslas like his pizza?

A. Deep pan. Crisp and even.

People say I'm self-obsessed!

But enough about them...