Best Jokes (continues)

Tony Lockhart posted:

"Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"

"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"

"Thanks Dad"

"No problem, Alan"

At some point Alan is bound to ask why his other sister is named Lora.

I met up with an old friend last night. He asked "So what are you doing these days?"

I replied "I hand out clothes to poor people".

"That's so charitable" he replied.

"Not really' I said. 'I work in Primark"

Tony Lockhart posted:

I met up with an old friend last night. He asked "So what are you doing these days?"

I replied "I hand out clothes to poor people".

"That's so charitable" he replied.

"Not really' I said. 'I work in Primark"

I'm British but have lived in the US for over 30+ years .. and freely admit I don't get this joke .. clues please ?

John Willmott posted:

Tony Lockhart posted:

I met up with an old friend last night. He asked "So what are you doing these days?"

I replied "I hand out clothes to poor people".

"That's so charitable" he replied.

"Not really' I said. 'I work in Primark"

I'm British but have lived in the US for over 30+ years .. and freely admit I don't get this joke .. clues please ?

 

Don't worry it isn't a very funny joke as poking fun at the less well off or 'poor' people isn't funny in my book.  Anyway decide for yourself 'Primark' is a shop that sells very inexpensive clothes.

joerand posted:

A successful marriage is the ongoing process of recognizing the type of person your spouse desires.

No matter what she says it's me who always has the last word... Yes Dear!

Bob,

It's not poking fun at the poor. It's making a light hearted joke about the price of clothing at Primark. Plenty of people with money to burn buy clothing from Primark because it's cheap enough to just bin after a few weeks. That's quite handy with kids who grow an inch every month. 

And thank you for assuming I'm rich. I'm not.  

Fun things to do at your local Walmart -

While handling rifles in the sporting goods department, ask the clerk where the pharmacy is telling him you really need to get your antidepressant prescription filled.

joerand posted:

Fun things to do at your local Walmart -

While handling rifles in the sporting goods department, ask the clerk where the pharmacy is telling him you really need to get your antidepressant prescription filled.

Hilarious - not!

Tony Lockhart posted:

Bob,

It's not poking fun at the poor. It's making a light hearted joke about the price of clothing at Primark. Plenty of people with money to burn buy clothing from Primark because it's cheap enough to just bin after a few weeks. That's quite handy with kids who grow an inch every month. 

And thank you for assuming I'm rich. I'm not.  

Well I think you should be bloody well hung!

Hanged

tonym posted:

Tony Lockhart posted:

Bob,

It's not poking fun at the poor. It's making a light hearted joke about the price of clothing at Primark. Plenty of people with money to burn buy clothing from Primark because it's cheap enough to just bin after a few weeks. That's quite handy with kids who grow an inch every month. 

And thank you for assuming I'm rich. I'm not.  

Well I think you should be bloody well hung!

Maybe he is, but is a little coy about it.

I just don't want Mrs Tonym knowing 

Mercky posted:

joerand posted:

Fun things to do at your local Walmart -

While handling rifles in the sporting goods department, ask the clerk where the pharmacy is telling him you really need to get your antidepressant prescription filled.

Hilarious - not!

Hilarity was never my intent. Perhaps the sardonicism flew over you? 

Police are looking for a man who is refusing to update his PDF reader.

He's described as 37, single, with no fixed adobe.

THE PROPER WAY TO CALL A GUY A BASTARD

 

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole at the local
golf course when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.

The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're
about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were
walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.
He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and
liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them"

Cetaceologists recently discovered that Bowhead whale vocalizations include variations akin to jazz-improv.

Helps explain why all the other whales seem to hate Bowheads.

My wife and I were perfectly happy for 20 years ... then we met.

steve

Incidentally my daughter works for Primark...

steve

Paper Plane posted:

steve

Should that not be 'Unplugged Eel'?  What about Mark Everett's Eels?