Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Scientists have confirmed that Uranus has an atmosphere that smells of farts.
TOBYJUG posted:Scientists have confirmed that Uranus has an atmosphere that smells of farts.
I wonder if Herschel had that in mind when he named it. 
TOBYJUG posted:Scientists have confirmed that Uranus has an atmosphere that smells of farts.
Mine certainly does!
HOW many feet are there in a yard?
It depends how many people are walking across it.
When a clock gets hungry, it goes back four seconds.
How many Smiths fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None because they have a light that never goes out!!!
My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card.
He's a man after my own heart.
A homeless man approaches a monastery for some help. He is taken to the kitchen, where he sees a brother cooking chips.
''Are you the friar?'' asks the homeless man.
The brother replies ''No, I'm the chip monk''
Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a dog.
It was crap.
I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.
I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.
Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a dog.
It was crap.
It was a shih Tzu
steve woodmansey posted:Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a dog.
It was crap.
It was a shih Tzu
I think the point of Tony’s joke is, as it’s such a well known punchline, to leave it out could be funnier?
G
GraemeH posted:steve woodmansey posted:Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a dog.
It was crap.
It was a shih Tzu
I think the point of Tony’s joke is, as it’s such a well known punchline, to leave it out could be funnier?
G
Yep. Wasn't really worth bothering!
Tony Lockhart posted:GraemeH posted:steve woodmansey posted:Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a dog.
It was crap.
It was a shih Tzu
I think the point of Tony’s joke is, as it’s such a well known punchline, to leave it out could be funnier?
G
Yep. Wasn't really worth bothering!
It made me smirk!
G
UK Vote for Eurovision Referendum..
Leave. 84 %.
Remain. 16 %.
Message to the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office:
I will hunt you down and find you. You have my Word.
It's already the 14th and I can't wait for the end of May.
And Corbyn. And Cable. And especially the House Of Lords.
Doctor: "Your test results just came in and I'm afraid you suffer from a terminal illness. You have only 10 to live."
Patient: "10? What do you mean, 10? Months? Weeks? What?!"
Doctor: "You're now down to 9."
Cashier: "That'll be £784 please.
Customer: "Oh. Can I take the razor blades off the bill please?"
Cashier: "Ok. That'll be £2.99."
Tony Lockhart posted:Cashier: "That'll be £784 please.
Customer: "Oh. Can I take the razor blades off the bill please?"
Cashier: "Ok. That'll be £2.99."
I sport a beard, so I don't get this joke.
JOERAND - that was a joke from the brilliant Bob Monkhouse, who told it on a chat show when he was in his final stages of cancer.
Big Bill posted:Tony Lockhart posted:Cashier: "That'll be £784 please.
Customer: "Oh. Can I take the razor blades off the bill please?"
Cashier: "Ok. That'll be £2.99."
I sport a beard, so I don't get this joke.
JOERAND - that was a joke from the brilliant Bob Monkhouse, who told it on a chat show when he was in his final stages of cancer.
How to ruin a joke thread.