Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 24 June 2018 by tonym
My girlfriend asked me "If you could have a threesome, which of my friends you would choose?"
Turns out I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Posted on: 24 June 2018 by Big Bill
tonym posted:
My girlfriend asked me "If you could have a threesome, which of my friends you would choose?"
Turns out I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Arf, arf!
Posted on: 24 June 2018 by jjbomber
tonym posted:
My girlfriend asked me "If you could have a threesome, which of my friends you would choose?"
Turns out I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Even worse: ''Both of them''
Posted on: 24 June 2018 by MDS
jjbomber posted:
tonym posted:
My girlfriend asked me "If you could have a threesome, which of my friends you would choose?"
Turns out I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Even worse: ''Both of them''
But she may have more than two attractive friends.
Posted on: 25 June 2018 by Paper Plane
steve
Posted on: 25 June 2018 by TOBYJUG
Kevin-W posted:
Posted on: 26 June 2018 by tonym
To my American friends:
If you think that Mexico is only sending drug dealers and rapists, and worry that Mexicans are going to take your job...
What the hell do you do for a living?
Posted on: 26 June 2018 by MDS
I can't find my 'Gone in 60 Seconds' DVD.
It was here a minute ago.
Posted on: 28 June 2018 by Kevin-W
Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in the office, thinking about the missus. I could't wait to get home from work and rip her knickers off...
They were absolutely killing me!
Posted on: 28 June 2018 by ChrisR_EPL
tonym posted:
My girlfriend asked me "If you could have a threesome, which of my friends you would choose?"
Turns out I was only supposed to name one, not two.
When the wife asked me to list all the girls I'd slept with, it turns out I should have stopped once I got to her in the list.
(c) Milton Jones iirc.
Posted on: 28 June 2018 by ChrisR_EPL
Paper Plane posted:
steve
And from the Adrian Juste Radio Show many moons ago...
Phone rings; Aussie accent answers - "Hey Sydney Cricket Ground, Bruce speaking"
Stiff Upper Lipped voice over long distance line: "Smithers from the MCC here. Can I speak to Mike Brearley please?"
Aussie: "Mike Brearly? He's just gone out to bat mate"
Brit: "Oh it's ok. I'll hang on."
Posted on: 01 July 2018 by Paper Plane
This one's for Tony:
Proof that woman do things just to start an argument.
My missus rang me at work today and said "I've not had time to start tea,do you fancy going out for some".
"Yeah that sounds good" I replied.
When I got home from the restaurant there she was sat at the kitchen table with a face like thunder.
steve
Posted on: 02 July 2018 by tonym
My wife said to me "You only fancy sex with me when you're drunk!"
"Not true!" I replied, "Sometimes I fancy a kebab."
Posted on: 02 July 2018 by Christopher_M
Three films likely to appeal to a Yorkshireman:
Truly, Madly, Keighley
The Full Bronte
Eeeeeeee. Tea.
Posted on: 03 July 2018 by Kevin-W
Christopher_M posted:
Three films likely to appeal to a Yorkshireman:
Truly, Madly, Keighley
The Full Bronte
Eeeeeeee. Tea.
You were listening to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue last night then too Chris? 
Posted on: 03 July 2018 by jjbomber
Kevin-W posted:
Christopher_M posted:
Three films likely to appeal to a Yorkshireman:
Truly, Madly, Keighley
The Full Bronte
Eeeeeeee. Tea.
You were listening to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue last night then too Chris?
A true Yorkshireman would 'Boycott' this thread.
Posted on: 03 July 2018 by JSH
ChrisR_EPL posted:
Paper Plane posted:
steve
And from the Adrian Juste Radio Show many moons ago...
Phone rings; Aussie accent answers - "Hey Sydney Cricket Ground, Bruce speaking"
Stiff Upper Lipped voice over long distance line: "Smithers from the MCC here. Can I speak to Mike Brearley please?"
Aussie: "Mike Brearly? He's just gone out to bat mate"
Brit: "Oh it's ok. I'll hang on."
I thought this was called Best Jokes not 40 year old ones
Posted on: 03 July 2018 by JSH
Australian goes into a DIY store
"I want some sandpaper please"
"What do you want it for, mate?"
"I'm playing cricket tomorrow"
Posted on: 03 July 2018 by Kevin-W
Sad news today.
The bloke who invented predictive text messaging has passed away. His funeral is a week on Monkey.
Posted on: 03 July 2018 by Penarth Blues
Kevin-W posted:
Sad news today.
The bloke who invented predictive text messaging has passed away. His funeral is a week on Monkey.
I thought it was 'his funfair is a week on Monkey'?
Posted on: 03 July 2018 by Christopher_M
Kevin-W posted:
Christopher_M posted:
Three films likely to appeal to a Yorkshireman:
Truly, Madly, Keighley
The Full Bronte
Eeeeeeee. Tea.
You were listening to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue last night then too Chris?
Since when exactly have we been acknowledging our sources?! 
Posted on: 04 July 2018 by tonym
Christopher_M posted:
Kevin-W posted:
Christopher_M posted:
Three films likely to appeal to a Yorkshireman:
Truly, Madly, Keighley
The Full Bronte
Eeeeeeee. Tea.
You were listening to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue last night then too Chris?
Since when exactly have we been acknowledging our sources?!
You mean...you don't make up the jokes yourself?
Posted on: 04 July 2018 by sjbabbey
tonym posted:
Christopher_M posted:
Kevin-W posted:
Christopher_M posted:
Three films likely to appeal to a Yorkshireman:
Truly, Madly, Keighley
The Full Bronte
Eeeeeeee. Tea.
You were listening to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue last night then too Chris?
Since when exactly have we been acknowledging our sources?!
You mean...you don't make up the jokes yourself?
Maybe his missus doesn't provide him with as much material as yours Tony.
Posted on: 07 July 2018 by tonym
My pet lizard was getting really stressed so I gave him some Valium. Now he's a calmer calmer calmer chameleon.
Posted on: 08 July 2018 by jjbomber
So that Thai boys football team are trapped and in danger of the cave flooding. It sounds like a perfect time for them to use their subs.
