Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 30 April 2011 by BigH47
I agree Tonym, made me laugh. Keep 'em coming Tony L, I'll self filter.
Too many fragile flowers around here, methinks.
Posted on: 30 April 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I thought that was a nice touch yesterday, letting Princess Anne and Camilla pull the royal carriage.
Posted on: 30 April 2011 by Tony Lockhart
William and Kate must be going to Wales for the honeymoon. I read William's lips when he whispered to Harry that he was going to Bangor all weekend
Posted on: 30 April 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I gave my dad an E.
Now he's dead.
Posted on: 30 April 2011 by Conortsun
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
I'm sure a few regular posters here will have managed a chuckle. And I leave it to the moderators to remove my jokes. Regularly. Yesterday was a celebration, a celebration of one more person entering that special group. Welcome Pippa Middleton, welcome to my list.
welcome to my list... superb!
Posted on: 30 April 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I just banged my head. Took me ages to get that flexible.
Posted on: 01 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
The ladies call me "Mr Right".
It's not because I'm the ideal man or anything. It's because I've had a stroke.
Posted on: 02 May 2011 by Southweststokie
I’m a bit dubious about the disposal of Osama Bin Laden’s body at sea today. Everybody knows there’s never any bin collection on a bank holiday.
Posted on: 02 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
So bin Laden used his wife as a shield. Well, she should've been in the kitchen to be fair.
Posted on: 03 May 2011 by Salmon Dave
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Dear royal family, I hope you're all excited about Kate and William's wedding on friday. I know i am. Yours sincerely, Osama Bin Laden
Whoops!
Posted on: 03 May 2011 by Salmon Dave
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Just sent my wedding gift off to the happy couple: Scalectrix, Paris edition.
Scalextric .... 
Posted on: 03 May 2011 by Conortsun
After consulting video footage the FA have handed Joey Barton a five match ban for the killing of Osama Bin Laden....
Posted on: 03 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
At any time, the temptation to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is never more than a whim away.
And that is probably as inoffensive a joke I can post. Or will someone now blame me for having that wretched song rotating through their brain as they try to sleep. In the jungle. The mighty jungle.
Tony
Posted on: 03 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Kate Middleton is disappointed. She always thought a ruler had 12 inches.
Posted on: 03 May 2011 by BigH47
If actions speak louder than words.
Why can't I hear mimes?
I think they should have captured Osama Bin Laden alive,then made him go through airport security continuously for the rest of his life.
Posted on: 04 May 2011 by Salmon Dave
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
At any time, the temptation to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is never more than a whim away. And that is probably as inoffensive a joke I can post. Or will someone now blame me for having that wretched song rotating through their brain as they try to sleep. In the jungle. The mighty jungle. Tony
Posted on: 04 May 2011 by BigH47
Happy Star Wars day.
May the 4th be with you.
Posted on: 04 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
The Dyslexic Special Forces got involved in the Bin Laden operation. They raided Debenhams on Sunday after they heard Bed Linen was on the 3rd floor.
Posted on: 05 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
My son asked me what a transexual was yesterday.
I said "Ask your mum, he'll know."
Posted on: 06 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
So the result is No to AV...at least those who voted "Yes" got their second preference.
Posted on: 06 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
What's the difference between a tense atmosphere and my wife's neck?
Well, one you can cut with a knife, and the other just makes you feel really awkward.
Posted on: 07 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Where did Osama Bin Laden wear his watch?On his Terror-Wrist...
Posted on: 07 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
That's a whopper of a lie: "Osama bin Laden killed by Navy Seals."
Come on, seals are Grey.
Posted on: 08 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I shagged me best mate's wife last night and today I feel awful.
She must have had the flu or something.
Posted on: 08 May 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Even though we both speak the same language, it's amazing how there are some subtle differences between American-English and proper English: They say "sidewalk" we say "pavement" They say "pants" we say "trousers" They say "buried at sea" we say "naked and chained to a metal bed frame with a car battery connected to his bollocks whilst being beaten for answers".