Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 07 June 2011 by BigH47
Originally Posted by Dungassin:
? 'cos they're a sign of the times ?
But you keep going of at a tangent!
Posted on: 08 June 2011 by Jono 13
Originally Posted by BigH47:
Originally Posted by Dungassin:
? 'cos they're a sign of the times ?
But you keep going of at a tangent!
Orange?
Jono
(think about it)
Posted on: 08 June 2011 by winkyincanada
Originally Posted by Jono 13:
Originally Posted by BigH47:
Originally Posted by Dungassin:
? 'cos they're a sign of the times ?
But you keep going of at a tangent!
Orange?
Jono
(think about it)
Surely it's "cos they're a sine of the times".....
Posted on: 08 June 2011 by Dungassin
Originally Posted by winkyincanada:
Originally Posted by Jono 13:
Originally Posted by BigH47:
Originally Posted by Dungassin:
? 'cos they're a sign of the times ?
But you keep going of at a tangent!
Orange?
Jono
(think about it)
Surely it's "cos they're a sine of the times".....
Yeah, but I didn't want to be too "obvious".
Posted on: 09 June 2011 by Gavin B
Now you're just getting obtuse!
Gavin
Posted on: 09 June 2011 by rodwsmith
Q.) What is the Incredible Hulk's favourite tube station?
A.) Turnham Green
Posted on: 09 June 2011 by Hook
One of the periodic functions of the padded cell forum is to raise awareness of specific subjects, such as trigonometry.
In this case, whether or not a member can contribute intelligently to the thread may depend on how many courses he took in advanced mathematics.
So, sometimes he can and sometime secant.
Posted on: 09 June 2011 by Jono 13
Originally Posted by Dungassin:
Originally Posted by winkyincanada:
Originally Posted by Jono 13:
Originally Posted by BigH47:
Originally Posted by Dungassin:
? 'cos they're a sign of the times ?
But you keep going of at a tangent!
Orange?
Jono
(think about it)
Surely it's "cos they're a sine of the times".....
Yeah, but I didn't want to be too "obvious".
Or going off on a tangerine.
Jono
Posted on: 10 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
"How much?" he asks the barman.
The barman replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Posted on: 11 June 2011 by JamieWednesday
From this month's Word mag:
While attempting to save a boundary, Horncastle fielder John Hague was knocked out by a stray hang-glider. He recovered to help his side defeat Lincolnshire rivals Bardney by 5 wickets. The headline in the following day's paper read: "Bad flight stops play".
Posted on: 11 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Saw a sign in a health club today: 'Welcome to the ool. Notice how there is no 'P' in it. Let's keep it that way.'
Posted on: 11 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
My wife told me she's getting a divorce because of my worrying obsession with medieval siege weapons.
I went absolutely ballistic.
Posted on: 12 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I went out into the garden and, to my horror, my wife was slumped on the grass.
The bloody dog had dug her up again.
Posted on: 12 June 2011 by Fabio 1
Originally Posted by Hook:ha ha ha ha ...!!Beautiful!
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
Posted on: 12 June 2011 by JamieL_v2
A Max Wall joke quoted by Paul Merton on 'Just a Minute' this week.
"A man comes home and challenges his wife.
'I've just heard that the milkman has slept with every woman in this street bar one.'
She replies.
'Must be that bloody stuck up bitch at number 42.'"
Posted on: 14 June 2011 by BigH47
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}">
Just heard on the News: One in three suffer from some sort of STD.</h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"> </h6><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}">
What kind of syphilisation are we living in . . .</h6>
Posted on: 14 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
BBC News: Facebook denies losing users, but it can't deny using losers.
Posted on: 15 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I dropped the mother in-law's urn today, and my wife went mad at me.
I want to say sorry, but think i'll wait for the dust to settle.
Posted on: 15 June 2011 by BigH47
Warning Cocaine is NOT the solution.
Unless you dissolve it in water!
Posted on: 16 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe." She said "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
I replied "No, because I'll
probably end up banging you on my coffee table."
Posted on: 16 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I just arrived home to find a pretty woman grouting the bathroom wall & singing "It's a heartache, nothing but a fools game!"
I thought to myself "She's a Bonnie Tiler."
Posted on: 17 June 2011 by tonym
My Daughter was sent home from school for swearing today.
I asked what she said. She said "The 'C' word!"
I looked at her very disapointed and asked "It's not clever is it?"
She said "No, it was c*nt."
Posted on: 17 June 2011 by Tony Lockhart
"This is your captain speaking. You may now turn on your mobiles phones to text your love ones goodbye as we plummet into the sea.."
Posted on: 18 June 2011 by Reginald Halliday
A router goes to the doctor, and says "it hurts when IP".
Posted on: 19 June 2011 by BigH47
I've just joined a Tourettes help group, it took a while to get sworn in though!
