Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 15 July 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Fernando Alonso is teaming up with Apple to launch a new type of internet viewing software.
The ibrowse is expected to be a big hit.
Posted on: 16 July 2011 by Tony Lockhart
My wife kept complaining about my obsession with magic.
So for my next trick I made her disappear, using only a shovel.
Posted on: 16 July 2011 by tonym
Harper Seven is a pretty cool name, but if the Beckhams had just used an anagram of it instead, it would be Even Sharper.
Posted on: 18 July 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Harry: "I can talk to snakes."
Ron: "Yeah, well, Dumbledore gave me his magic lighter."
Harry: "I have an invisibility cloak."
Ron: "I have parents."
Harry: "I banged your sister."
Ron: "................."
Ron: "Yeah, well, Dumbledore gave me his magic lighter."
Harry: "I have an invisibility cloak."
Ron: "I have parents."
Harry: "I banged your sister."
Ron: "................."
Posted on: 19 July 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I've just found out I'm the highest ranking employee at New Scotland Yard.
Not bad for a canteen manager.
Posted on: 19 July 2011 by Tony Lockhart
When the space shuttle gets back from its last mission, wouldn't it be hilarious if we were all dressed as apes. 
Posted on: 19 July 2011 by Blueknowz
Why men shouldn't write advice columns
Posted on: 20 July 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I accidentally filled my blow-up doll with helium...
Now she's playing hard to get!
Posted on: 20 July 2011 by Tony Lockhart
The woman who botoxed her 8 year old daughter for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn't look surprised.
Posted on: 22 July 2011 by Fozz
Greece is now suffering a double dip recession. Sales of Tatziki and Taramasalata have plummeted!
Posted on: 26 July 2011 by Gale 401
Things are looking bad.
Posted on: 02 August 2011 by tonym
John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon. If history teaches us anything it's that if you don't want your child assassinated, then don't name them after an airport.
Posted on: 02 August 2011 by Jono 13
Originally Posted by tonym:
John F Kennedy, Indira Gandhi, John Lennon. If history teaches us anything it's that if you don't want your child assassinated, then don't name them after an airport.
Is that the reason for not changing Stanstead to Amy Winehouse International?
Jono
Posted on: 04 August 2011 by Tony Lockhart
So, Joey Barton has shown us he's not the dumb-arse hard-boy we all thought he was. Here's another quote for his collection:
"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death."
-Albert Einstein.
So do us all a favour please.
Posted on: 04 August 2011 by George Fredrik
My friend bought his wife a new high-tech item, like an iPod but more useful:
An "i - .....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. - Ron"
The wife was not impressed.
ATB from George
Posted on: 05 August 2011 by Redmires
Letter to agony aunt
Dear Dierdre
I was round at my friends house and whilst in the bathroom looked out of the window to see his daughter topless in the garden. I was stood there staring at her whilst knocking one out and happened to see my wife stood there with her arms folded watching me.
Is she a pervert ?
Posted on: 05 August 2011 by Tony Lockhart
My wife has just asked me how many women i've shagged. I said "I really dont want to answer that love, you know I've had a past and I don't want to upset you!"
"C'mon" she said, "I can handle it!"
So i had to sit there and count them all.....1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you, 10, 11, 12..
Posted on: 06 August 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Polar Bear wins Norway Masterchef 2011 with his interpretation of Eton Mess.
Posted on: 06 August 2011 by tonym
I knew you 'd come right up with the goods Mr Lockhart!
Posted on: 06 August 2011 by Tony Lockhart
It's why I post on this forum
Posted on: 06 August 2011 by Gale 401
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
It's why I post on this forum
Tony,
US chopper down 38 dead ,
Have you got a one for that?
Posted on: 06 August 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Twenty two seals have been killed in Afghanistan?
Jesus, this polar bear is more prolific than we thought!
Jesus, this polar bear is more prolific than we thought!
Posted on: 08 August 2011 by Blueknowz
Do you not think it was time you left http://www.sickipedia.org/ to the kids Tony?
Posted on: 08 August 2011 by Tony Lockhart
No. It's time I left this forum to people like you.
Bye.
Posted on: 08 August 2011 by El Guapo
Michael Jackson announces tour - dies shortly afterwards
Amy Winehouse announces tour - dies shortly afterwards
Looking forward to the Justin Bieber and Cheryl Cole tours