Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 29 September 2011 by tonym
The shark tells me he only got two feet away from the bloke and he started screaming.
Posted on: 29 September 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I noticed he was taken to hospital in a helicopter.
So who'll foot the bill for that?
Posted on: 29 September 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Lego drum kits.
If you can't beat them, Join them.
Posted on: 29 September 2011 by tonym
There's no justification for making jokes about shark attacks. You don't have a leg to stand on.
Posted on: 29 September 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Dear Greece,
You'll get your weather back when you've paid your bills.
Lots of love
The UK
Posted on: 29 September 2011 by BigH47
A fact of life: After Monday, Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.
Posted on: 01 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Two men walk into a bar.
The first man says "I'll have some H2O please"
The second man says "I'll have some H2O too."
The second man died.
Posted on: 02 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
October 1st 2011. Hottest October day since records began.
October 2nd 2011. Hottest October day since yesterday...
Tony
Posted on: 02 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
BBC NEWS: Plane in Australia hits ferris wheel.
Police say the pilot is slowly coming round.
Posted on: 02 October 2011 by Gale 401
Put a spin on this?
Shane has bought her a new ring,Does he get a new box?
Cricket jokes only please.
Stu
Posted on: 02 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
He already has a new head. Perhaps Liz likes nice head?
Posted on: 03 October 2011 by tonym
BBC News: An ultra-light plane has crashed into a Ferris wheel in a village north of Sydney, trapping four people, Australian officials say.
Some people dream of being a pilot, others simply fail to see the attraction.
Posted on: 03 October 2011 by Fred Mulder
Good to you're back Tony!
Fred
Posted on: 03 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
My wife said she is going to slip into something sexy tonight.
"Me too." I replied, "Your sister."
Posted on: 03 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
My girlfriend said I wasn't supportive enough.
So I cupped her boobs
Posted on: 04 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
I run a Linux based operating system.
That means I get laid as often as I have to reboot my computer.
Posted on: 04 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Amanda Knox's future relationships aren't going to be easy.
Amanda: "Do you want to play a sex game?"
Boyfriend: "Er.....let's just cuddle instead."
Posted on: 04 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Amanda Knox is going to celebrate her acquittal by hosting an Ann Summers party by Michael Barrymore's pool.
What can possibly go wrong?!.
Posted on: 04 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
A German, an Irishman, a Portuguese and a Greek walk into a bar. The German pays.
Posted on: 05 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
The wife walked into the bedroom holding a fireman's outfit last night.
"Let's live out our wildest fantasies!" she said with a wink.
I had a great night. Two hours it took them to put out the blaze before they recovered her charred remains.
Posted on: 07 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
The wife and I went to see a marriage councillor. He asked me if I knew what my wife's favourite flower was. I held her by the hand and looked lovingly in to her eyes, and replied "It's Homepride isn't it?"
Posted on: 07 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
So, Wayne Rooney's dad was arrested after a betting scam on a Motherwell game.
Police apparently became suspicious after hearing somebody had shown an interest in Scottish football.
Posted on: 07 October 2011 by tonym
I was watching a beautiful young Mum breast-feeding her twins on the bus this morning. I was quite engrossed when, suddenly, an old biddy sat opposite chipped in "That's disgusting that is! You should be ashamed doing that sort of thing in public"!
In hindsight, it probably wasn't the right time and place for a w*nk.
Posted on: 07 October 2011 by TomK
Tony as usual you're about as funny as a dose of cancer.
FYI, per head of population Scottish football is one of the best supported in Europe, in third place last time I checked. This is far higher than England manages. English Premiership attendances are less than four times Scotland's Premier League, with more than ten times the population.
Posted on: 07 October 2011 by Tony Lockhart
Guy calls his boss - "Hi boss, can't come into work as I'm sick"
"How sick are you?" asks his boss.
"Well I'm in bed with my mum."
