Best Jokes (continues)

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.
The townspeople discovered they could buy a cow in Scotland
quite cheaply and immediately purchased one. It was wonderful,
produced lots of milk every day, and everyone was happy. They
bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd
never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the
bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to
mount the cow, it would move away. No matter what approach the
bull tried the cow would move away from him and he was never
able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to
go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening,
and ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow,
she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves
forward, if he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If
he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other
side." The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this
before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned
that they had brought the cow over from Scotland ... "You are
truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow
from Scotland?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye,
"My wife is from Scotland".

How could you even suggest such a thing

Jan

Sent from my iPod Touch in the downstairs bathroom.

Mars - Bounty - Snickers - Galaxy - Twix - Malteser - Milky Way -

I think my celebrations are in order . 

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

...she can enlarge her pretty shoes!Hmmm...I messed something?

...she can commence an abstinence till next Christmas, with out a loss for herself?

...she can return an inappropriate favor??

Either way, I hope you're al right Tony

cheers, Fred

A refuse truck is driving slowly along a street emptying the neighbourhood wheelie bins. One of the men calls on a house & finds the bin hasn't been left out & in the spirit of Christmas he goes up to the front door and knocks.

There's no answer. Being a kindly and conscientious guy he knocks again - much harder.
Eventually a Chinaman comes answers the door.
"Harro!"
"Where's ya bin?" 

"I bin on toiret," 
"No ! No ! Mate, Where's your bin?"
"I been to toiret, I toll you!'' 

"Listen,  you're misunderstanding me. Where's your 'w h e e l i e' bin?'"
"OK, OK"

And with a sheepish grin, whispers in the collector's ear.
"I wheelie bin having sex wirra wife's sista!"