Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 06 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
My Wife came home she said "Bob Holness is dead".
I said "Who's that?".
She said,"He was in Blockbusters".
I said,"Jeepers!. How long was the queue?".
Posted on: 06 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I see that Bob Holness of 'Blockbusters' fame has sadly died. We'll now have to ask "Can I have an RIP please Bob?"
Posted on: 07 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Whenever I listen to Dizzee Rascal, I put a nappy on, climb into a pram and poo myself.
Some people think I'm bonkers. But I just think I'm three.
Posted on: 07 January 2012 by Chief Chirpa
Posted on: 08 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I will always rub a girl's back after a great bj.
At least until she burps.
Posted on: 10 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by tonym
Very cruel Tony, the poor man's a cleptomaniac. He's taking something for it though.
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by Redmires
Today, everything on TV is celebrity-driven, of course. I even notice on my pack of breakfast sausages, there's a picture of Antony Worrall Thompson. Underneath it says "prick with a fork".
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it was stuffed inside Antony Worrall Thompson's jacket.
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by tonym
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by Richard S
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Earlier today at work, I fed a load of cannabis to some seabirds.
I left no tern unstoned.
Posted on: 11 January 2012 by BigH47
Conundrum for Today: Are diabetics allowed sweet dreams at night .
Posted on: 12 January 2012 by tonym
A man in the supermarket reminded me of Michael Jackson today. He said "Don't forget Michael Jackson."
Posted on: 12 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Stephen Hawking turned 70 this week. You'd figure in that chair he could at least pull a 360. .
Posted on: 13 January 2012 by tonym
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:
Earlier today at work, I fed a load of cannabis to some seabirds. I left no tern unstoned.
Then there were the painters in the harbour, who left no sterns untoned...
Posted on: 15 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Just back from holiday in Thailand and l came so close to shagging a ladyboy. Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, kissed like a lady! It was when she drove me to her place and reversed her car into a space first time l thought 'Hang on...'
Posted on: 15 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Lionel Ritchie has cancelled his fothcoming gigs on cruise liners.
Apparently "Dancing On The Ceiling" does not have the same appeal anymore.
Posted on: 15 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
If you ever join a religion, go for the Hokey Cokeyists.
They know what it's all about.
Posted on: 20 January 2012 by tonym
The new film about Margaret Thatcher, "The Iron Lady", was initially to have been issued with a "U" certificate but was deemed unsuitable for miners.
Posted on: 20 January 2012 by JamieWednesday
Given the News Corp hacking scandal, now my worry is The Sun is going to fold.
I was starting to wonder how I would get my daily dose of whining, complaining, gossip, general outrage and complete and utter bollox. Then I remembered I'm married.
Posted on: 20 January 2012 by JamieWednesday
Actually in Worrall Thompson's defence he did agree to give me an autograph when I met him in his pub the other day.
"Course..." he replied. "Have you got a pen?"
"**** off Anthony, I'm not falling for that one" I said
Posted on: 20 January 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Last night I ran three miles to try and recapture my youth. God knows how she escaped from the cupboard.
Posted on: 20 January 2012 by rodwsmith
Q. What's the difference between the Costa Concordia, and a goat?
A. An Italian Captain would go down on a goat.
