Best Jokes (continues)

Seeing the photo of the oil tanker prompted me to dig out this photo, taken in the early 70s as I waited at Salalah "International" airport (a tin shack with mud floor) in southern Oman - 

Just got some of that new herbal viagra you put in your tea, it stops your biscuits going soft . 

The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Mick and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you?  He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Bill's turn.  He was a tanned, older biker, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"Good morning!" he said.  They couldn't believe it... They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Mick into bed, patted him on the arse, and kissed him good night on the lips.  Mick sat up and watched me all night."

No sign of your photo of Salalah International Airport

I was there in 72/73....our paths might have crossed. During my time there the only way in or out was courtesy SOAF from Bait al Falaj or later Seeb. And the only "international" flights were courtesy of SOAF contract pilots to Yemen for "sightseeing".

The "road" to Thumrait wasn't secure and the cruise ships hadn't put Raysut on their maps yet.

Cheers

Don

I'll have to dig through my old snaps & see if I can find one Don.

I spent many happy times in Salalah & Muscat. We'd generally travel between them on a BAC111 operated, presumably, by SOAF (Sultan of Oman Air Force?) but often this'd be "commissioned" by a dignitary & we'd then travel by whatever happened to be going our way, usually a C130.

Ah, the photo refering to the key and the movements officer didn't appear on the computer at work !! Now I see the joke.

During my time there, the transport flights were done with Viscounts. IIRC the BAC 1-11 flights started towards the end of '73

Cheers

Don

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other,

"Can you smell fish?"

Old Bill in the back room.

Life was tough in theYukon during the Klondike gold rush. The old-timer prospector was making his three-monthly visit to town on his faithful donkey and having tied it up outside the saloon ordered a double whisky. As the barman poured the whisky the prospector quietly asked

“any women in this town?”

“nope !” came the reply “never has been, probably never will be, but – if you’re really desperate, there’s always Old Bill in the back room”

“Christ, I’m not like that !” cried the old timer, downing his whisky in one “I’m not like that at all !” and quickly left the bar to ride back to his mine for another three months with his donkey.

Three months later, he was back in town on his donkey and having tied it up outside the saloon ordered his usual double whisky. As the barman poured the whisky the prospector quietly asked

“any women in this town?”

“nope !” came the reply “told you before, never has been, probably never will be, but – if you’re really desperate, there’s always Old Bill in the back room”

“Christ, I’m not like that !” cried the old timer, downing his whisky in one “I’m not like that at all !” and quietly left the bar to ride back to his mine for another three months with his donkey.

Three months later, and he was back in town again on his donkey and having tied it up outside the saloon ordered his usual double whisky. As the barman poured the whisky the old-timer again asked

“any women in this town?”

“nope !” came the reply “told you before, never has been, probably never will be, but – if you’re really desperate, there’s always Old Bill in the back room”

“Christ, I’m not like that !” cried the old timer, downing his whisky in one “I’m not like that at all !” and slowly left the bar to ride back to his mine for another three months with his donkey.

Untying his donkey he began thinking of the lonely three months ahead and slowly re-tied his donkey to the hitching rail and returned to the bar to order another double whisky. As the barman poured the whisky the prospector quietly asked

“I’m not like that, I’m not like that at all, but this arrangement with Old Bill in the back room, how many people would need to know?"

“Seven!" cane the reply from the barman

“Christ !” said the old timer “I’m not like that, I’m not like that at all, but I’m kinda desperate. Why so many ?”

“Well” said the barman “there’d be you, me and Old Bill to start with, making three. Then there’d be the four blokes we need to hold Old Bill down, ‘cos he’s not like that neither !”

One of the only jokes, when pressed to tell one in public, that I can ever remember. One of my favourites, a large number of people fail to get it!

Worried about his health, Reuben visits his doctor for a check up.

And the doctor says "Reuben, I gotta tell ya', you need to stop masturbating"

"Why Doc, is it bad for me?"

"No, but I'm trying to examine you for Chissakes!"

Two Snowmen stood in a front garden, one says to the other "can you smell carrots?"

Lady walks in her grocery store

"I'd like half a kilo of broccoli please" she says to the shopkeeper

"I'm terribly sorry, we're fresh out of broccoli" he says " how about some asparagus?"

"No, I think I will have the broccoli please"

A little exasperated, the shopkeeper replies "I'm sorry, we really don't have any broccoli, how about some string beans?"

"No, I'll have the broccoli"

"Madam, we have no broccoli, how about some nice cauliflower?"

"No" she says again "I'll take the broccoli"

Almost at his wits end, the shopkeeper says:

"Madam can you spell CAT as in catastrophic?"

"Sure, C-A-T" says the woman

"And can you spell DOG, as in Dogmatic?"

"Yes of course, D-O-G"

"Great, now can you spell FUK, as in broccoli?"

"But there's no fuk in broccoli", she says

"Yep, you got it..."

Dear Jamiewednesday,

I can all too rarely remember jokes, and usually ruin them in the telling! We still laugh at the efforts though! Better to smile and laugh in life than be downcast, even if you feel downcast on occasion.

The parrot joke is as old as the hills, but worth remembering occasionally!

ATB from George

The concept of infinity, baffles me no end.

I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. 

He said, "Can I see your ticket please?" 

"Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!" 

He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?" 

"No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."

And they lap it up, but soon there will only be very rich people and very poor people, at which time a new revolution will occur because the poor will out number the rich, and have precisely nothing to loose! Hitler came to power that way ...

ATB from George