Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
WARNING huge queues at petrol stations as drivers try to return their petrol!!
I don't know why everyone is moaning about petrol prices. I always put twenty-quids-worth in, and it's the same price it's always been.
Pleased to see Fireman Sam and Bob the Builder are still doing well, but you don't hear much about the other members of the Village People .
Patience A Policemanwas patrolling late at night off the main road He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the copper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer?' The Policeman asks: 'What are you doing?' The young man says: I'm reading a magazine.' Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the Policeman says: 'And her, what is she doing?' The young man shrugs: 'I think she's filing her nails.' Now, the Policeman is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, late at night in a lover's lane... And nothing obscene is happening! The copper asks: 'How old are you?' The young man says: 'I'm 22.' 'And her.... what's her age?' The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 16 in 11 minutes... |
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
Very clever Sniper! G
Alas, I did not write it. Wish I had.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital.
"It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Even now every time she passes a petrol station she fills up.
Even now every time she passes a petrol station she fills up.
As long as she did not miss the smell of benzol. Ooops, I am in the wrong joke....
don
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
Das ist veely fanny! HAHA
Das ist veely fanny! HAHA
I hope that's meant to be ironic.
steve
However sad you feel... Just remember that, somewhere in the world, a fat kid has just dropped his ice-cream.
Jono
Jono