Best Jokes (continues)

I am feeling a queasy now Tony.

Jono

An elementary school teacher was giving a drawing class to a group of six-year-old children. At the back of the classroom sat a little girl who normally didn't pay much attention in school. For more than twenty minutes, the girl sat with her arms curled around her paper, totally absorbed in what she was doing. The teacher found this fascinating. Eventually she asked the girl what she was drawing. Without looking up, the girl said, "I'm drawing a picture of God." Surprised, the teacher said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

The girl said, "They will in a minute."

Just got this on my phone.

I dont like it. but thought i would get it in before Tony.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Staying alive Staying alive.

ITS NOT FUNNY.

Jokes over here get away without being touched by the mods??

A fact?  Plastic Surgeons' doors tend to have larger knobs and knockers .

A local farmer was fed up with planting cereal crops and decided to plant a field full of dildos.
He's now having trouble with squatters.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a Dane, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Slovak, an Australian, an Egyptian, a New Zealander, a Japanese, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Uzbek, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Israeli, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Liechtensteiner, a Moldovan, a Syrian, an Aruban, a Mongolian, a Portuguese, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Cook Islander, a Norfolk Islander, a Haitian, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Georgian, a Bahaman,a Tajikistani, an Armenian, an Albanian, a Samoan, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Belarusian, a Qatari, a Tongan, aCambodian, a Canadian, a Cuban, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and two Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry,"

says the maître d',

"but you can't come in here without a Thai."

I read today that Ashley Young is going to the Olympics.

He's been picked to join Tom Daley in the diving event!

I have just found out that my Great Great Grandfather invented the cold air balloon.

Unfortunately it never really took off.

I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shat myself.

My girlfriend is a stunner.

I met her when I dropped some lambs off down the local abbatoir.

There's certainly no chance of breaking the hosepipe ban this summer. Mine's just floated away . . .

Did you know:-

Most medieval chants are sung by Greg or Ian .

I remember the last thing my gran said to me before she died. ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?

When it comes to sex, my wife and me like different things. She likes missionary and doggy position. I like my receptionist.