Best Jokes (continues)

Dear Richard,

It is months since I last looked at this thread, because I don't see most of it as being remotely funny. Certainly not enough gems to justify trawling through the rest.

Why I looked at it was that it was top comment on the right hand panel on the menu, and I saw this much:

Chris Hoy has been hit by a speeding car whilst leaving the Velodrome. Police want to speak to the driver of a vehicle ...

I assumed that a very sad thing had happened amidst all the joy up in London.

I think anyone who trawls the depths of humour and then is compelled to share the tripe with the public at large on a relatively civilised public forum is acting - to say the least - in very bad taste.

I am grateful that you removed those lines from my extremely angry post to Mr. Lockhart. It saves them being there for all time. But had anyone said that sort of thing in my personal presence, I would have been equally angry and even more trenchant. 

Best wishes from George

Thank you, Richard. 

Why do grown men frequent a jokes-page and then complain when something upsets them?

(this isn't a joke by the way)

Anyone slightly sensitive to anything or any subject should stay away.

Maybe we need a disclaimer at the header of this thread?

Sure, there have been the occasional joke here that raised my eybrows but it wasn't so much the joke but my wonder about how someone could post it publicly! 

To those shameless few, keep up the good work!

I wasn't complaining. I was just saying I have no idea what Stu's "joke" is about.

But whilst we're on the topic......

I take offense to nothing except to people being violent or cruel because they have somehow chosen to "take offense" to something. Taking offense is always something that one CHOOSES to do. No ifs and buts. And  actions nefariously attributed to, or allegedly justified by "offense" are also a choice.

Winky, my post wasn't pointed at you...

And yes, what was that joke of Stu's about?

Being based in NZ, I didn't understand Mike's joke (about Chris Hoy) that ended up causing offense but after a news-search I now know what he was saying... Meh, it raised a small smirk.

And this is despite me having had a 14 year-old boy run out from between two buses only to have him crash through my car's windscreen (he was lucky to survive; I was doing 50kph in a 60 zone). Having had personal experience myself, did I get upset over a joke about a car hitting someone? No.  

Dear James,

To answer you question, which I have highlighted, I posted the following nine hours ago three posts above the one of yours which to which this a response.

It is months since I last looked at this thread, because I don't see most of it as being remotely funny. Certainly not enough gems to justify trawling through the rest.

Why I looked at it was that it was top comment on the right hand panel on the menu, and I saw this much:

Chris Hoy has been hit by a speeding car whilst leaving the Velodrome. Police want to speak to the driver of a vehicle ...

I assumed that a very sad thing had happened amidst all the joy up in London.

...

I hope that helps. George

I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

'We don't waste money on newspapers.

'Here, you can borrow my iPad.'

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it

The jokes thread has a momentary lapse into dynamism and controversy. Brilliant!

Q) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A) Anyone can roast beef.

Mr Cucumber and his best friend, Mr Potato were out cycling when suddenly a speeding truck came careering around a bend in the road knocking them both off their bikes.

Mr Cucumber got up very quickly and was okay, but Mr Potato went under the wheels of the truck and got more than slightly mashed.

Mr Cucumber kept his cool and phoned for an ambulance which arrived on the scene very quickly, and using a large spatula they flipped Mr Potato on board and rushed him to the hospital.

Outside the operating theatre, Mr Cucumber paced up and down very worried for his best friend, and after a few hours the doors opened when a handsome young doctor [who was a Swede] came out to talk to, Mr Cucumber.

“Well, the goood nooos is the ooperation went ookey, we managed to save him…

but the bad nooos is, I’m soorry to say he’s now a cabbage for the rest of his life”.

Most of the jokes on here are just regurgitated from Sickipedia.

Sickipedia regurgitates jokes from comedians websites and/or twitter feeds.

There's not a lot of imagination involved in cutting and pasting.

C'mon pal, do tell us a joke you've invented! Don't be shy!

I love this thread. Not only does it make me laugh (especially TL's contributions) but it also allows me to pass off these jokes as my own, to the huge acclaim of friends, family and colleagues...  

It's a terrifying statistic - 70% of young males die behind the wheel.

It isn't all laughs being a hamster.

After throwing eight badminton players out of the Olympics for not trying, the IOC have been accused of double standards after allowing the entire Australian team to stay.

A couple of blokes with too much time,

"Googled" for jokes online.

Try as they might

They only found shite

But with a Control+C and a Control+V all's fine.

Obviously, I'm no Frankie Boyle.

I'd stick to your present job if I were you Mr Napster. Or are you indeed Frankie, fallen on hard times?

Can't be Frankie, as the joke wasn't about Rebecca Adlington's nose...

A man came home from work and found his wife in the lounge, surrounded by travel brochures and laughing her head off.

"What happened?" he said.

"Pack your bags, I've won the lottery" she said.

"Great", he said, "where are we going?" and his wife says...

"What do you mean, 'we'?"

Told by Arthur Smith, Scarborough, 22/6/07

A man went to his doctor for a general check up.

He said, “so how am I doing doc?”

The doctor replied, “I am afraid you will have to stop masturbating.”

“Why?” Enquired the man.

Doctor:  “well, I am trying to examine you!”

Who was the leader of the Pedants revolt?

Which Tyler.....