Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Who was the leader of the Pedants revolt?
Which Tyler.....
Nice one. I have felt for some time that in this DIY age there should be a "What Tiler" magazine on the shelves.
Don, sunny downtown York
Why do grown men frequent a jokes-page and then complain when something upsets them?
(this isn't a joke by the way)
Anyone slightly sensitive to anything or any subject should stay away.
Maybe we need a disclaimer at the header of this thread?
I take offense to nothing except to people being violent or cruel because they have somehow chosen to "take offense" to something. Taking offense is always something that one CHOOSES to do. No ifs and buts. And actions nefariously attributed to, or allegedly justified by "offense" are also a choice.
It's not "jokes" that bother me, it's the chauvinism, racism, sexism and totally inappropriate stuff on here. "Choosing to take offence" isn't how it works for someone of faith (such as myself). While it's so very 21st century to be all secular and humanist and post(-post)-modernist, the reality is that my moral code (and religious beliefs) causes.
That it's not taken personally by someone who enjoys making crass jokes is one thing. But having buried a child and worked with many rape victims, and a number of African, Middle-Eastern and Asian refugees (mostly because of religious violence, getting shot/burnt/otherwise tortured or family members beheaded/raped/otherwise violated), I was seriously shocked by the level and explicitness of some of the content here. I've lost a friend or business acquaintance to suicide once every two years (on average) since I was 11. Suicide is no joke.
@TonyL - saying you're a carer doesn't make it okay. I'm a 'caree', and have been a carer and I know that to cope with life a lot of carers develop (or start off with "robust" personalities). I understand the job is filled with vulgarity and entrenched sexism. But it doesn't make it okay. In my opinion, which I understand you don't share, but am going to voice anyway, you're overcompensating. When I was young I was taught not to pick on anyone who couldn't fight back, or when it wasn't a fair fight.
I seriously doubt that Naim want their reputation to be "oh, we're english, our forum users can say whatever the *bleep* we like. Seems to me there needs to be a standard code of conduct relating to personal behaviour here!
Why do grown men frequent a jokes-page and then complain when something upsets them?
(this isn't a joke by the way)
Anyone slightly sensitive to anything or any subject should stay away.
Maybe we need a disclaimer at the header of this thread?
I take offense to nothing except to people being violent or cruel because they have somehow chosen to "take offense" to something. Taking offense is always something that one CHOOSES to do. No ifs and buts. And actions nefariously attributed to, or allegedly justified by "offense" are also a choice.
It's not "jokes" that bother me, it's the chauvinism, racism, sexism and totally inappropriate stuff on here. "Choosing to take offence" isn't how it works for someone of faith (such as myself). While it's so very 21st century to be all secular and humanist and post(-post)-modernist, the reality is that my moral code (and religious beliefs) causes.
That it's not taken personally by someone who enjoys making crass jokes is one thing. But having buried a child and worked with many rape victims, and a number of African, Middle-Eastern and Asian refugees (mostly because of religious violence, getting shot/burnt/otherwise tortured or family members beheaded/raped/otherwise violated), I was seriously shocked by the level and explicitness of some of the content here. I've lost a friend or business acquaintance to suicide once every two years (on average) since I was 11. Suicide is no joke.
@TonyL - saying you're a carer doesn't make it okay. I'm a 'caree', and have been a carer and I know that to cope with life a lot of carers develop (or start off with "robust" personalities). I understand the job is filled with vulgarity and entrenched sexism. But it doesn't make it okay. In my opinion, which I understand you don't share, but am going to voice anyway, you're overcompensating. When I was young I was taught not to pick on anyone who couldn't fight back, or when it wasn't a fair fight.
I seriously doubt that Naim want their reputation to be "oh, we're english, our forum users can say whatever the *bleep* we like. Seems to me there needs to be a standard code of conduct relating to personal behaviour here!
Totally agree with Pottill.
I am also perplexed as to why Naim allow, condone, encourage the racism, sexism etc on their very public forum. Is this really the public face that Naim want to project?
PS. George if you are still reading the Padded Cell, which I very much doubt after this week. Hope your recovery is going well.
Regards Graham.
I'll have to take your word for that.
Why do grown men frequent a jokes-page and then complain when something upsets them?
(this isn't a joke by the way)
Anyone slightly sensitive to anything or any subject should stay away.
Maybe we need a disclaimer at the header of this thread?
I take offense to nothing except to people being violent or cruel because they have somehow chosen to "take offense" to something. Taking offense is always something that one CHOOSES to do. No ifs and buts. And actions nefariously attributed to, or allegedly justified by "offense" are also a choice.
It's not "jokes" that bother me, it's the chauvinism, racism, sexism and totally inappropriate stuff on here. "Choosing to take offence" isn't how it works for someone of faith (such as myself). While it's so very 21st century to be all secular and humanist and post(-post)-modernist, the reality is that my moral code (and religious beliefs) causes.
That it's not taken personally by someone who enjoys making crass jokes is one thing. But having buried a child and worked with many rape victims, and a number of African, Middle-Eastern and Asian refugees (mostly because of religious violence, getting shot/burnt/otherwise tortured or family members beheaded/raped/otherwise violated), I was seriously shocked by the level and explicitness of some of the content here. I've lost a friend or business acquaintance to suicide once every two years (on average) since I was 11. Suicide is no joke.
@TonyL - saying you're a carer doesn't make it okay. I'm a 'caree', and have been a carer and I know that to cope with life a lot of carers develop (or start off with "robust" personalities). I understand the job is filled with vulgarity and entrenched sexism. But it doesn't make it okay. In my opinion, which I understand you don't share, but am going to voice anyway, you're overcompensating. When I was young I was taught not to pick on anyone who couldn't fight back, or when it wasn't a fair fight.
I seriously doubt that Naim want their reputation to be "oh, we're english, our forum users can say whatever the *bleep* we like. Seems to me there needs to be a standard code of conduct relating to personal behaviour here!
Totally agree with Pottill.
I am also perplexed as to why Naim allow, condone, encourage the racism, sexism etc on their very public forum. Is this really the public face that Naim want to project?
PS. George if you are still reading the Padded Cell, which I very much doubt after this week. Hope your recovery is going well.
Regards Graham.
Dear Graham,
I am keeping a watching brief. Not reading it for the immense humour not on display, but watching like some latter-day successor to Mary Whitehouse!
What amazes me is the level of arrested emotional development on display here, but never mind. I suppose the regular contributors and those who lap it all up are young at heart ... ! I suppose that is rather sweet in some ways!
And thanks for your question. I am getting on well. Slowly, but that is to be expected. I was told that it will be occasionally painful for six to eight months, and then all should be right as rain again. I am back on the Carlton and can get more than twenty miles an hour out of her without problem now, though I cannot shake off the lameness when walking. Actually this is because I am still not confident the knee will not crumple under me. On a cycle this is not a problem, but sometimes the knee gives a real shreek of agony if I put my foot down wrong, ... The joint is not enjoying jolts as such.
I think I'll start posting my own "original" jokes here, as though they are hardly "best" jokes, they will be much less offensive than most of the gibberish being recycled here, and nobody will have seen them before. And they will be my "best" efforts ...
Before that though I would also like to totally agree with Portll, and for those who cannot grasp the point, well that is a shame, but also the way the world is going - downhill fast.
First original "best" joke:
What is the name given to a Spanish gun-dog?
Espaniel.
Second original "best" joke:
What hand tool is the most silly?
A brush, as nothing else is quite as daft as a brush.
I am proud to say that these two were thought up today, and tried out to riotous laughter at work!
I'll do two a day till no one come to this thread any more and I shall have succeeded in boring everyone to tears!
ATB from George
+1 for George - great idea to answer in jokes, AND contribute on this thread!
For discussion about jokes please open an other thread.
Cheers, Fred
Dear Fred,
What did the gymnast call his two dumbells?
Dumb and dumber.
Sorry!
ATB from George
Why do grown men frequent a jokes-page and then complain when something upsets them?
(this isn't a joke by the way)
Anyone slightly sensitive to anything or any subject should stay away.
Maybe we need a disclaimer at the header of this thread?
I take offense to nothing except to people being violent or cruel because they have somehow chosen to "take offense" to something. Taking offense is always something that one CHOOSES to do. No ifs and buts. And actions nefariously attributed to, or allegedly justified by "offense" are also a choice.
It's not "jokes" that bother me, it's the chauvinism, racism, sexism and totally inappropriate stuff on here. "Choosing to take offence" isn't how it works for someone of faith (such as myself). While it's so very 21st century to be all secular and humanist and post(-post)-modernist, the reality is that my moral code (and religious beliefs) causes.
That it's not taken personally by someone who enjoys making crass jokes is one thing. But having buried a child and worked with many rape victims, and a number of African, Middle-Eastern and Asian refugees (mostly because of religious violence, getting shot/burnt/otherwise tortured or family members beheaded/raped/otherwise violated), I was seriously shocked by the level and explicitness of some of the content here. I've lost a friend or business acquaintance to suicide once every two years (on average) since I was 11. Suicide is no joke.
@TonyL - saying you're a carer doesn't make it okay. I'm a 'caree', and have been a carer and I know that to cope with life a lot of carers develop (or start off with "robust" personalities). I understand the job is filled with vulgarity and entrenched sexism. But it doesn't make it okay. In my opinion, which I understand you don't share, but am going to voice anyway, you're overcompensating. When I was young I was taught not to pick on anyone who couldn't fight back, or when it wasn't a fair fight.
I seriously doubt that Naim want their reputation to be "oh, we're english, our forum users can say whatever the *bleep* we like. Seems to me there needs to be a standard code of conduct relating to personal behaviour here!
Portll, I think your post displays a rather alarming lack of perspective. Perhaps it's better if you just steer clear of this thread in future. I, for one, rather enjoy it. If that makes me sexist, racist, or whatever else in your - or anyone else's - eyes, then so be it.
+1. Well said - in 10 years I don't think I've ever seen a racist joke on this forum, let alone this thread.
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THE BLONDE AND THE LORD
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
"IS THAT YOU, LORD?"
The voice replied,
"No, this is the manager of the hockey rink."
It's not "jokes" that bother me, it's the chauvinism, racism, sexism and totally inappropriate stuff on here. "Choosing to take offence" isn't how it works for someone of faith (such as myself). While it's so very 21st century to be all secular and humanist and post(-post)-modernist, the reality is that my moral code (and religious beliefs) causes.
That it's not taken personally by someone who enjoys making crass jokes is one thing. But having buried a child and worked with many rape victims, and a number of African, Middle-Eastern and Asian refugees (mostly because of religious violence, getting shot/burnt/otherwise tortured or family members beheaded/raped/otherwise violated), I was seriously shocked by the level and explicitness of some of the content here. I've lost a friend or business acquaintance to suicide once every two years (on average) since I was 11. Suicide is no joke.
@TonyL - saying you're a carer doesn't make it okay. I'm a 'caree', and have been a carer and I know that to cope with life a lot of carers develop (or start off with "robust" personalities). I understand the job is filled with vulgarity and entrenched sexism. But it doesn't make it okay. In my opinion, which I understand you don't share, but am going to voice anyway, you're overcompensating. When I was young I was taught not to pick on anyone who couldn't fight back, or when it wasn't a fair fight.
I seriously doubt that Naim want their reputation to be "oh, we're english, our forum users can say whatever the *bleep* we like. Seems to me there needs to be a standard code of conduct relating to personal behaviour here!
I don't think I've ever read a more arrogant, ignorant post on this forum. How dare you assume you can take some sort of moral "high ground" based on your limited experiences with the less savoury side of human nature. I've personally dealt for over forty years with patching up the results of human misery and man's inhumanity to man and humour, no matter how "crass" or black you might consider it, is a defence mechanism to insulate us from the reality. Yes, it's perfectly "OK" and has absolutely no bearing on our compassion or religious beliefs. If you cannot grasp that then then you really are a sad puppy.
I don't think I've ever read a more arrogant, ignorant post on this forum. How dare you assume you can take some sort of moral "high ground" based on your limited experiences with the less savoury side of human nature. I've personally dealt for over forty years with patching up the results of human misery and man's inhumanity to man and humour, no matter how "crass" or black you might consider it, is a defence mechanism to insulate us from the reality. Yes, it's perfectly "OK" and has absolutely no bearing on our compassion or religious beliefs. If you cannot grasp that then then you really are a sad puppy.
+1 Tony. I would add "priggish" and "self-righteous" to describe Portll's post too.
That fish was good enough for Jehovah.
That fish was good enough for Jehovah.
BLASPHEMER!!!
Some of the recent posts on here remind me of the joke, (proudly copy and pasted) from a recent episode of "Mrs Brown Boys"
"Winnie....... when my husband lost his job and we'd no money, you were there by my side"
"And when he went in to have his left leg removed, you were there by my side"
"And when they took away his right leg, there you were..........right by my side"
"And the night he died............where were you...........by my side"
"Winnie you're a feckin jinx"
Wow. Tony Lockhart I'm in total agreement with you on that one. I've no problem with people not 'of faith' - everyone has their own code they live by (well, pretty much - at least if you believe in the concept of 'society'). Having a severe spinal injury I really feel for the guys left in the cold by the government and MoD - especially when they're the same MoD who ask the same guys (amputees and para/quadraplegics especially) to volunteer as 'injured soldiers' in battlefield training exercises, often without any compensation but the knowledge that they're educating greenies.
I guess I'm fine with most of the jokes here from most of the people, but they do come up in the stream on the right. Some of the shortest ones, some of which look to have been removed, were a heap rougher than the average. It's fine for people to make jokes, but a competition in how far stuff could be pushed seemed to be happening.
@tonym
Yes, it's perfectly "OK" and has absolutely no bearing on our compassion or religious beliefs.
is a defence mechanism to insulate us from the reality.
I'm confused. I said this second bit already - being a defence mechanism, you may be aware that defence mechanisms are usually various forms of lashing out at a person, organisation or group of people. I'm not asking for all jokes to cease. I'm just asking that the most extreme ones are reined in 5-10% as they're crossing a line a lot of people don't find okay. Those people aren't hanging around here however.
Anyhow, no hard feelings - it's not any of you I don't like personally, it's just some of the jokes. I'll see you guys places we talk about audio instead!
I don't think I've ever read a more arrogant, ignorant post on this forum. How dare you assume you can take some sort of moral "high ground" based on your limited experiences with the less savoury side of human nature. I've personally dealt for over forty years with patching up the results of human misery and man's inhumanity to man and humour, no matter how "crass" or black you might consider it, is a defence mechanism to insulate us from the reality. Yes, it's perfectly "OK" and has absolutely no bearing on our compassion or religious beliefs. If you cannot grasp that then then you really are a sad puppy.
+1 Tony. I would add "priggish" and "self-righteous" to describe Portll's post too.
+2 Tony. You said it better than I ever could have, but you reflect my sentiments completely. Frankly, I am tired of arguing against those who claim some sort of insight into morality because of their faith and/or personal experience. We can be both well informed and make well reasoned moral choices without either "faith" or any particular personal experience, and it pisses me off that people will challenge that notion. Still, I'm not offended by it.
I have been in situations where full on rascist jokes have been told. I do not enjoy them or the people who tell them and I make my point clear to them that they are insulting to anyone who has any intelligence. Then there are the people who, in the same company just sit there and take it, these people are the worst for not saying anything, their apathy towards it gives the impression of agreement with what is being said and spurs these rascist idiots to take it further. This is also the case for sexism and homophobia.
To come out with crass or offensive jokes as a defence mechanism begs me to ask the question. What are they defending themselves from?
I am an athiest and I care for my fellow man greatly, I do not wish to offend anybody and I expect the same courtesy. Poeple need to think about the things they are writing on this forum and also think what effect it may have on the other good people who participate.
Regards
Donald
That fish was good enough for Jehovah.
I do wish you would stop posting your funny remarks on here James. Anyone'd think it's a jokes thread!
Donald, what might offend you won't offend others and vice versa no doubt. As it happens there's a couple of excellent filters here for you - there's the button on your mouse and then there's Mr Richard Dane.