Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Good link Winky!
No women aloud at the stoning 
You're only making it worse for yourself.
Back to the jokes (allegedly):
I've been collecting the mats the Olympic athletes land on after the high jump and pole vault. Some day I may sell them to fund my retirement. After all, it's good to have something to fall back on.
I'll get me coat...
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
'Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
Once there was an old man sitting on a bench in the park crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a sexy 21 year old woman who gives me two blowjobs a day and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man had a strange look on his face and asked "What's so bad about that? It sounds to me like you have a great sex life." The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!"
The Curiosity Rover has just found a toilet with the seat up, proving once and for all that men ARE actually from Mars.
Ed Sheeran singing Wish You Were Here.
+1 Frank but I thought Eric Idle was genuinely funny last night.
Steve
Ed Sheeran singing Wish You Were Here.
Bloody terrible. What was Nick Mason thinking?
Ed Sheeran singing Wish You Were Here.
Bloody terrible. What was Nick Mason thinking?
Probably - "I don't care if Roger or Dave never speak to me again but this gig covers that Ferrari I was looking at last week..."
Phil
Ed Sheeran singing Wish You Were Here.
Bloody terrible. What was Nick Mason thinking?
Probably - "I don't care if Roger or Dave never speak to me again but this gig covers that Ferrari I was looking at last week..."
Phil
That Ferrari must have been a Dinky model or a complete wreck. Mason, like everyone else last night, was paid £1 for his troubles.
Ed Sheeran singing Wish You Were Here.
I had a lucky escape then!
I was listening to Radio Four at the time!
ATB from George
"That Ferrari must have been a Dinky model or a complete wreck. Mason, like everyone else last night, was paid £1 for his troubles."
Is that true for all of them?? I very much doubt it!! Even the Spice Girls??
There were many of them that should have been on that spaceship featured in thye Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy but "Wish you were here" was fine and had the message as did "Waterloo Sunset" and Annie Lennox was truly great and defied her years.
Maybe a recording of Dame Nelly Melba would have tempted George to look at the internet?
FF
Frank, they were all paid a pound each - they were in fact all volunteers (with, of course, an eye for the value of publicity) and were paid token sum of a quid purely so they could sign contracts.
Same was true of all the performers at the opening ceremony.
You won't have heard this one before.
Invented specially for you all, and tried out at work ...
Two canines hatch a conspiracy. What did they have?
A doggy business.
ATB from George
PS: I was on a roll today, so watch out for more amazing originality over the coming days.
You won't have heard this one before.
Invented specially for you all, and tried out at work ...
Two canines hatch a conspiracy. What did they have?
A doggy business.
ATB from George
PS: I was on a roll today, so watch out for more amazing originality over the coming days.
A collieusion then......(groan).
You won't have heard this one before.
Invented specially for you all, and tried out at work ...
Two canines hatch a conspiracy. What did they have?
A doggy business.
ATB from George
PS: I was on a roll today, so watch out for more amazing originality over the coming days.
A collieusion then......(groan).
LOL!
What do you get if you cross a Welsh Sheepdog and a brasica?
A Cauliflower
ATB from George
The blind little mammals that make little earthy hills in nice lawns are a quite religious bunch.
What is the name of their deity?
Holy Moly.
ATB from George