Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Posted on: 23 August 2012 by JamieWednesday
Is it meant to be as in "Was'sup Bros?" But with cro(w)s...
Posted on: 23 August 2012 by winkyincanada
Originally Posted by JamieWednesday:
Is it meant to be as in "Was'sup Bros?" But with cro(w)s...
I think so. Still not funny, though.
Posted on: 23 August 2012 by Gale 401
Originally Posted by JamieWednesday:
Lionel RichTea
Brilliant.
Still laughing as i post.
There are a few that could have that done.
Richard Tea Grant comes to mind.
Stu.
Posted on: 24 August 2012 by TomK
He invited a load of folk he didn't know to his hotel suite and then got naked with them. Apparently there's more to come.
At the very least he's showing a gross level of misjudgement. No sympathy whatsoever.
Posted on: 25 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Prince Harry's recent scandal has shocked the world.
For the first time, people are interested in seeing a naked ginger.
Posted on: 25 August 2012 by George Fredrik
Ginger public hair?
Posted on: 25 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Police have confirmed the arrest of a man in Norfolk for falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it. He's due to be bailed tomorrow...
I took the wife to a disco at the weekend. There was a guy on the dancefloor giving it large; breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. My wife turned to me and said, " See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
I said, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!"
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Steve J
Two friends are fishing near a bridge.
Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
His mate turns to him and says, " Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "
Dave replies, " Well we were married for nearly 20 years "
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Mike-B
I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says "You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front and all those to the rear
And taking this into account it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed,
washes all my shirts and things and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages and my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while - I could turn the damned thing off.
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Clay Bingham
LOL!!!
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by JamieWednesday
The temptation for the residents of Essex to sing the lion sleeps tonight is only a whim-away.
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Women never work well with machines.
Just look at Florence.
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Tony2011
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Conortsun
I went to Stratford upon Avon today for the Bank Holiday and stood watching a silver painted 'William Shakespeare' human statue. Suddenly, the heavens opened... boy, did he run.
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Funny how you never saw Julie Goodyear and Jimmy Saville in the same room.
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Next week on Animal Hospital, A lion suffers glue poisoning after a vajazzle goes terribly wrong.
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by BigH47
News just in:-
Police have said that after further sightings, the lion in Essex is just a snow leopard with a spray tan and hair extensions . . .
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Top Joke, Howard! 
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Tony2011
So, wrinkles are sign of age... my scrotum must be prehistoric!
Posted on: 27 August 2012 by Reginald Halliday
A farmer keeps some sheep in a field, and one day he decides he better check on them, and if any have gone missing. So he says to his dog, "Go down to t'bottom field, see those sheep? Round them up for me"
So the dog says "Alright!" goes off, runs round the sheep until they are all huddled together, and then comes back to the farmer.
The farmer says "How many are there?" and the dog says "50!". The farmer is a bit confused, and says, "But I though I only had 48 down there..."
"Well," says the dog, "you told me to round them up...."
So the dog says "Alright!" goes off, runs round the sheep until they are all huddled together, and then comes back to the farmer.
The farmer says "How many are there?" and the dog says "50!". The farmer is a bit confused, and says, "But I though I only had 48 down there..."
"Well," says the dog, "you told me to round them up...."
Posted on: 28 August 2012 by Komet
There is a group of four who while traveling by train find themselves seated together. There is a Kiwi fellow, an Aussie, a pretty young lass, and a matronly woman. The train enters a tunnel and everything goes black. A loud smack is heard and when the train comes out of the tunnel a big red hand print can be seen on the Aussie's cheek.
The old woman thinks "That Aussie fellow tried to make a pass at that young woman and she had to slap him!"
The young woman thinks "That Aussie fellow tried to make a pass at me in the dark and grabbed the old woman instead! So she slapped him!"
The Aussie fellow thinks "Why that Kiwi fellow grabbed at the young woman and she must have thought it was me! So she slapped me!"
Meanwhile the Kiwi is thinking "I sure hope we come to another tunnel soon so I can slap that Aussie again!"
Posted on: 28 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Gingers: never get a Brazilian. It'll look like a fish finger.
Posted on: 29 August 2012 by tonym
The two most famous shellfish in London; Kings crustacean and Charing crustacean.
Posted on: 29 August 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 29 August 2012 by rodwsmith
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'