Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Took me five seconds to work it out, now I can't stop chuckling!
Tony
That should work OK for the HiFi, I reckon. 
Tony,
Don't forget to pee in the bucket.
Steve
Shamefacedly, I have to admit it took me almost five minutes.
Russ
"There's a spider in the bedroom," screamed my wife, "Get it out Dave! Please get it out!"
"I don't know why they turn you on so much," I said, unzipping my jeans.
Megan Stammers. Probably walks a bit funny now too.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
Can I just clarify, is it 'with a goat' or 'with goat' because they are 2 entirely different propositions.
Megan Stammers. Probably walks a bit funny now too.
Now that me laugh out loud.
steve
My grandfather has a right mouth on him.
Ever since his stroke.
More revelations from the BBC
As reports fly in of Rod Hull fisting a young bird!
L-bloody-OL!
Tony
My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I'm so arrogant.
I told her to make sure she shut the door on her way back in.
I'll never forget how happy i was when i saw my Mrs walking down the aisle. My heart was racing and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was stood beside me. I gave her a cheeky wink and said "Grab a trolley girl they're doing 3 cases of Stella for £18"
The barman said to me, "Good evening, Sir, what can I get for you?"
"I'll have a shot of everything on the top row please", I replied.
He got my drinks and tried to charge me £100.
I said, "I thought you were getting them."
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the flat
was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they're shagging?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar
"Premature ejaculator,Seeks beautiful blonde female with massive tits, long tanned legs & a waxed........ wait.....oh, oh, oh, it doesn't matter now!"
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror
as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next
hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around
in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I
know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the
man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence,
however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away
and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
asked, 'How does that feel'?
Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!