Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
Not to forget, that boys look alive, when it comes to Sir Jimmy Savile.
Quote for Today:
"I'm a huge fan of The Archers" - Henry V
Tony Blackburn was invited to a pool party. When he turned up he had Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter with him.
The party thrower said, "You deaf sod, I said bring a pair of Speedos".
This is driving me nuts!!!
Tony Blackburn was invited to a pool party. When he turned up he had Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter with him.
The party thrower said, "You deaf sod, I said bring a pair of Speedos".
Tony,
That's probably your funniest yet!
Quality.
steve
We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall... But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me." So I took her to McDonalds.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly. "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred. "Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished." So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!" "Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos. "I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.
"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. "Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks." She nodded. "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!" "Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.
We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall... But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.
She stood before me, trembling in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me." So I took her to McDonalds.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly. "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred. "Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished." So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!" "Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"
I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos. "I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.
"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. "Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks." She nodded. "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!" "Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.
What a corker. Never laughed so much. I was in tears while reading these out to my wife
Must buy this when it comes out
Paul
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
Heading for the festive season
Santa comes but once a year,
That you might find shocking,
But when he comes, he REALLY comes,
And nearly fills my stockings
He answered Haribo and Smarties.
Received a leaflet through the post saying you can enjoy sex at 82.
That's good I thought. I live at number 64, not too far to walk.
Received a leaflet through the post saying you can enjoy sex at 82.
That's good I thought. I live at number 64, not too far to walk.
Hummmm
Awoke on this Halloween morning to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor haunting me.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified...........
made my day. LoL
News Biscuit's solution to annoying trick-or-treaters:
http://www.newsbiscuit.com/201...rs-with-a-paedomask/
My grandfather developed cancer when he was younger.
Some say he is the most evil scientist ever to have lived.
Love it Tony. LOL 