Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
TonyTonym - subtle.
TonyL - in your face funny.
Awoke on this Halloween morning to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor haunting me.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified...........
Don't worry, you Will Survive...
Yess, but Obama and his bureaucrats are going out on a limb, pretending to remove them--what a Scrooge!
We in the South do sympathize with our northern neighbors--in spite of what they did to us from 1860-65--but a few years ago, under Jimmy Carter, when it was discovered that Federal regulations resulted in Texas oil and gas being sold on the East Coast cheaper than it was in our own state, bumper stickers began appearing down here which said: "Let the Eastern Bastards Freeze in the Dark."
Now who says we are not compassionate!
We in the South do sympathize with our northern neighbors--in spite of what they did to us from 1860-65--but a few years ago, under Jimmy Carter, when it was discovered that Federal regulations resulted in Texas oil and gas being sold on the East Coast cheaper than it was in our own state, bumper stickers began appearing down here which said: "Let the Eastern Bastards Freeze in the Dark."
Now who says we are not compassionate!
Ouch !!
My grandfather developed cancer when he was younger.
Some say he is the most evil scientist ever to have lived.
I hope to die like my grandfather died . . . in his sleep.
Not screaming in agony like his passengers.
Very clever. Thought I knew where it was going. Had to re read it and get the joke
Nice and simple
You were looking then Tony? 
I spat my tea out at that one. Brilliant. 
My neighbour's front garden has completely vanished. He's outside now, looking forlorn.
A woman has sued her local hospital, saying that after her husband was treated recently, he has lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied, “The man was admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight ...”
A woman has sued her local hospital, saying that after her husband was treated recently, he has lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied, “The man was admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight ...”
very witty, and oh so true !
The missus bought a Paperback
...just the other day,
I had a look inside her bag;
....T'was "fifty shades of grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread .
In her left hand was a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple of minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
.....I'm gunna dominate ya!!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd know just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there bold and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left *it!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned and with a shout:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well my friends, I can't tell more;
About events that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey................