Best Jokes (continues)
Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007
The missus bought a Paperback
...just the other day,
I had a look inside her bag;
....T'was "fifty shades of grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread .
In her left hand was a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple of minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
.....I'm gunna dominate ya!!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd know just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there bold and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left *it!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned and with a shout:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well my friends, I can't tell more;
About events that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey................
OMG that is so funny
I have tears rolling down my face
My wife said to me last night ''If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the backside"
Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.
Try changing to low energy bulbs as they run much cooler
Plus they tend to be smaller so use less KY
My wife said to me last night ''If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the backside"
Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.
Just spat a mouthful of beer over my chair.
you're quick off the mark tony
At a barbecue, the local coastguard said ''Let me light the barbie, I've got a flare for that sort of thing.'
An alien from the planet Zarg walks into a small country pub.
"I'll have a pint please," he says with a smile.
The barman says, "We don't serve aliens in here."
"If you serve me," replies the alien, "I'll buy everyone in here a pint."
"Sorry mate, can't do it. It's against the brewery's policy," replies the barman.
"What about if you invite the whole town for drinks, make it a free bar, and I foot the bill at the end of the night?"
The pound signs light up in the barman's eyes: "Ok, you're on."
By the end of the night everyone, including the alien, is pissed.
The barman says,"That'll be seven grand please mate!"
The alien pulls his wallet out and says, "Have you got change for a Ningi?"
is that called necrophilia?
That's dead boring!
A man was seated next to a kid in an aeroplane. The man turned to him and said, "Let's talk".
Kid: Ok, what do we talk about?
Man (making fun of the kid): How about nuclear power?
excretes pellets, cow flat potty and horse clumps. Why?
Man: I don't know.
Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you dont know shit?
I understand that Camilla and Charles are in New Zealand at the moment........ and that the NZ government is having to fund Camilla's hairdresser on the trip........ and that this isa causing some consternation among Kiwi taxpayers.......
Engelbert
Wrong variety, Tony. Didn't Princess Diana call her "The Rottweiler"?
A man was seated next to a kid in an aeroplane. The man turned to him and said, "Let's talk".
Kid: Ok, what do we talk about?
Man (making fun of the kid): How about nuclear power?
excretes pellets, cow flat potty and horse clumps. Why?
Man: I don't know.
Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you dont know shit?
LOL, nice joke David (and is so transferable)