Best Jokes (continues)

Posted by: Adam Meredith on 28 April 2007

http://forums.naim-audio.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/58019385/m/4391984906
Posted on: 21 November 2012 by fatcat
Originally Posted by Derek Wright:

Why is it necessary to repeat each post - it takes up screen space, disk space and data bandwidth and does not add any value to any thread - unless the quoted text is from a post several pages earlier.

 

Or is it supposed to be humorous??  or you have an appalling memory and cannot remember what it is that you are making an inane comment about.

Steady on.

 

No need to be so rude to Tony.

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Derek Wright:

Why is it necessary to repeat each post - it takes up screen space, disk space and data bandwidth and does not add any value to any thread - unless the quoted text is from a post several pages earlier.

 

Or is it supposed to be humorous??  or you have an appalling memory and cannot remember what it is that you are making an inane comment about.

the reason for this option is simple. As the forum is a widely used medium, with many member world wide, it is useful to direct a response at a particular posting. especially as you can get multiple posts from differing members at same time. Would want to offend the wrong person would we?

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Religion: turning prophets into profits since 4000 B.C.
Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Derek Wright

wrong person would we?

 

it would have to be a very obtuse person to not understand who the reply was directed at if the reply was in a few posts  from the reply - recently you have used 100% quotation in a thread where only two people have been chatting.

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Tony Lockhart:

+1

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Derek Wright

I agree so why don't you

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by chimp

Hi Derek

Well done, that is the funniest thing I have seen on this thread for a long time.lol

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Phil Harris

Please gentlemen ... Now - lets get together, breathe deeply and have a group hug...

 

Phil

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Richard Dane

Yip, let's just keep the postings on this thread to the point (if there is one).  Otherwise, it's evident that the jokes tend to get a bit lost...

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Today I met an auctioneer with erectile dysfunction. Growing. Growing. Gone.
Posted on: 21 November 2012 by JRHardee

FWIW, a variation of the Irish-woman-with-a-rifle joke is the one joke found by researchers to be considered funny in every culture that they told it.

 

 

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Conortsun
Irishwoman with a gun joke? Sorry, I missed that one... Was it funny?
Posted on: 21 November 2012 by George Fredrik

Harmless one:

 

If an Earl gets an OBE, does he become an earlobe?

 

ATB from George

Posted on: 21 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart

Looks like Benitez will get two full seasons as manager of Chelsea.

 

 

Winter and Spring.

Posted on: 22 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
Bought my wife a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, took me 5 hours to get her off the big wheel.
Posted on: 22 November 2012 by Redmires

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and
cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

 

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest,
but explaining they were not a dating agency.

 

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said
it would be just like winning the lottery.
I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had

six matching balls!

 

And finally ....

 

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end

in tears though - she's crap at snooker.

Posted on: 22 November 2012 by Tony Lockhart
I asked this fat bloke if he fancied coming shopping with me. My van's about an inch too high for getting into the multi-storey car park.
Posted on: 22 November 2012 by BigH47

Just went outside and was hit in the face with a piece of quiche and some mini Scotch eggs.


That wind is really buffeting around out there . . .

Posted on: 22 November 2012 by Blueknowz

An unfortunate error in Susan Boyle's # 

Posted on: 23 November 2012 by Salmon Dave

 

Don't get the fat bloke van joke though.

Posted on: 23 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Salmon Dave:

 

Don't get the fat bloke van joke though.

his weight will lower the van so it goes under the car park roof restrictions

Posted on: 23 November 2012 by Cbr600
Originally Posted by Redmires:

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and
cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

 

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest,
but explaining they were not a dating agency.

 

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said
it would be just like winning the lottery.
I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had

six matching balls!

 

And finally ....

 

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end

in tears though - she's crap at snooker.

Stonking jokes old boy

 

nice one

Posted on: 23 November 2012 by Redmires

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Norwegian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Australian, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Brazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walked into a pub. The bouncer says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai”.


Just said to the missus…”Hey fatso, what do you want for your birthday?”
She said “Don’t get f***ing lippy”
I said “Mascara it is then!”


I'm being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables……   I gotta lilo.

Posted on: 23 November 2012 by Massimo Bertola
Originally Posted by George Fredrik:

Just received this from across the pond [Atlantic], and I did not see the punchline coming!

 

A  young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The
parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious
and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and     the
parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation,
threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in     the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked
and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute.
Fearing that  he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened
the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped     out
onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I
may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to     do
everything I can to correct my rude and  unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a
dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very
softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
 
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS!!!!! .

George,

 

I've been laughing the last five minutes, now I have things to do...

 

Max