5 worst songs ever - (Now!! That's what I call ****)

Take 5 random songs butchered by Michael Bolton in his ongoing attempts to prove that more can be less and they'll be as bad as any 5 others you can dredge up as far as my ears are concerned.

Pete.

ps for Camlan's #4, it was Staff Seargent Barry Sadler IIRC

Simon,

That is because Jamiroquai keeps recording the same song over and over again.

All the best, Will

Funny thing about that Whitney Houston song... in its original form, it was a just a sort of sweet little private song sung by Dolly Parton in the movie, "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas". Now, I'm not promoting Dolly, or the movie, but in that context, I kinda liked it.

Whitney really shouted the song to death, though. Brutal.

Firstly I think novelty songs should be excluded as they are meant to be bad. The two songs I really hate are actually devised by adults who genuinely believe they have created a serious piece of music. They are: 'I'm gonna getcha' by Shania Twain and (excuse me if I get the title wrong) 'All I want to do (is make love to you)' by Heart. The latter contains the following priceless couplet 'He brought the women out in me, many times, easily'.

1 That song by Girls Aloud
2 That song by Gareth Gates
3 That song by Alex Parks
4 That song by David Sneddon
5 That song by Sam and Mark

Please tell me there won't be another Pop Idol or Fame (Obscurity?) Academy this year.

Jonathan

I agree on the other ones, but I think the Gong is rather brilliant,

Have fun!

willem

[This message was edited by willem on Tue 16 March 2004 at 19:34.]

"There lived a certain man in Russia long ago
He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the bible like a preacher
Full of ecstacy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire

RA RA RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
RA RA RASPUTIN
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on"

It was a shame how he carried on!!

How about the following stomach-churners.....

Telly Savalas - "If"
Rene & Renato - "Save Your Love"
The Tweets - "Birdy Song"
Keith Harris & Orville - "I wish I could fly"
Clive Dunn - "Grandad"

But best of all could be a charity record by Elton John for Mother Theresa (just to balance the racially jingoistic Princess Di version) of "Sandals in the Bin".........

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"Jump" by Van Halen (Got to agree with Ludwig on this one. Everybody remember the words? Really shows how much they had to say, doesn't it?)

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Hmm... if you were listening to VH for the lyrics, I'm afraid you may have missed the point. Not sure what the point was really, just pretty sure that deep lyrics wasn't. weren't. The point. Theirs, I mean.

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Oh, and the complete discography of the Bangles. Come on man, Suzanna Hoffs is still hot 20 years after the fact which must count for something.

OK 67 crap songs I'll admit to liking only on a stereo forum so no one else finds out.

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Not strictly single related, but how about - The Saw Doctors 'I want to Bang The Bangles'. It contains the best line of any song 'I want to have it off with Suzanna Hoff'

I'll get me coat. (door creaks slowly to a close).

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Originally posted by Gary H:
'I want to have it off with Suzanna Hoff'

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I had to laugh at that one.

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Originally posted by ejl:
"America" by Neil Diamond

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Good call. I will never forget a vacation when I was 5 or so not because of the beautiful surrounding lakes and mountains but because of this dreadful song being played on the radio every half hour the entire week.

Also a good call by JayD on "We Built This City". That was one of my runner ups along with garbage by Richard Marx, Warrant, Vanilla Ice, and Bruce Springsteen.

Wasn't CD invented so people could fast forward past Revolution No9 quickly and reliably?
But seriously, it's OK compared to that Celine Dion/Frank Sinatra "duet". I'm convined that the rise of auto crime is actually Frank haunting us from beyond the grave for letting that happen.

Oh, and I'm surprised no one mentions Do You Believe by Cher.

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Every Woman in the World

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I had to stop reading after this one. There's something about real crap songs such that the mere mention of the title causes the entire, putrid thing to start replaying in my head.

This thread's gotten too painful.

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Love will Keep us Together or anything by Captain and Tenille

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Like 'Muskrat Love'!!! Aggggghhhh!!!

"Muskrat Susie, muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy's so skinny..."

(...music grows louder as Jay curls into fetal position and begins to gently rock to and fro...)

This is becoming all too painful. Reading JYOW's post Christopher Cross' "Sailing" and "Arthur's Theme (Best You Can Do)" somehow came to mind. I had to share the horror. And then I somehow remembered Europe "Final Countdown". I should go now...

[QUOTE]5.Elton John's awful reworking of Goodbye Norma Jean following the death of Princess Diana. Was it Goodbye England's Rose?/QUOTE]

I think it was rather touching. And, who would written a song if it had been Charles? That one would have been awful!

JohanR

There's more bloody afwul songs out there then we realise:
Eye of the tiger-?(Rocky 3???)
Final Countdown-Europe
Una paloma blanca-George Baker Selection
Anything by Mariah Carey
Holiday-Madonna
Anything by Phil Collins
Anything by Dire Straits
Born in the USA-Bruce Springsteen
If I had words-Yvonne Keeley
Frog Song-Paul mcCartney
China in your hand-'Tpau
We are the world-United artists for africa?
Forever young-Alpaville
Wind of change-The Scorpions
Tiger feet-Mud
This is not America-David Bowie
Bicycle song-Queen
Lady in red-Chris de Burgh
Vogeltjesdans-De Electronica's
Sugar baby love-The Rubettes
Hello-Lionel Ritchie
I just call to say I love you-Stevie Wonder
?-Di(l)do

Enough for now.

Rob.

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Originally posted by Willito:
God Gave Rock'n'Roll to Ya -- Kiss: the lowest point of the make-up free wilderness; luckily within two years rock's kabuki was back and not playing any of their songs recorded after '78

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Thank GOD for that - their output post Love Gun (or Double Platinums, barring the crappy disco versions!) is total w*nk. I'd like to see them on a Makeup Tour though =====> (that's supposed to be the tongue!)

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Originally posted by Willito:
The Boys of Summer -- Don Henley

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Oi - as others have said, this sounds ace on vinyl and Naim. I've always liked this track since when it first came out (I was 9). I didn't know what a Deadhead was back then mind you...

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Originally posted by Willito:
Music is my Aeroplane -- Red Hot Chilli Peppers

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The bassline on this is ace though - what's so wrong about it? Barnie is infinitely inferior to RHCP...

Did Telly Sevalis really release a single? Isn't he the dude who buys the farm heinously in Towering Inferno? (Great movie!)

OH - and for those who hate Revolution Number Nine (number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine, num<scheeeeeeetz!!!>, don't go anywhere NEAR Ian Stonehouse - I don't rate his "noise" at all, but I do like Revolution Number Nine.

__________________________
Make your choice, adventurous Stranger;
Strike the bell and bide the danger
Or wonder, till it drives you mad,
What would have followed if you had.

[This message was edited by domfjbrown on Wed 17 March 2004 at 13:36.]

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Originally posted by Captain Cutlery:
I guess what people don't like about Van Halen's Jump is the keyboard noise. I guess if they had been a tad more adventurous and not just stuck with the 1st preset sound on their Oberheim it might have been a very different animal....Harpsichord sound perhaps?

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I prefer to think it was just so awful it wasn't worth wasting any more time on.

Certainly, one of the most annoying to me is B.J. Thomas's "Hooked on a Feeling," especially in Blue Swedes's cover of it.

Hi
"China in your hand-'Tpau"
Oh is that what they sing----so it's not "don't push too hard you've my vagina in your hand" then.
Regards
Jim

Just come back from the pub where this topic caused heavy discussion. Mostly agreed with previous posts but one piece of absolute classic rubbish came up which we have forgotten-

Deck of Cards - Wink Martindale (we think)/Max Bygraves

Good god - reading through this makes me want to slit my wrists...

Contenders must include anything by Take Twat and all those other boy/girl bands.

Mike

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Originally posted by JYOW:
Sorry I missed the fun. But there are so many.

Anything Disco
California Girls - David Lee Roth and anything by him
Love will Keep us Together or anything by Captain and Tenille
Every Woman in the World - or anything by Air supply
Help Me Make It Through the Night
Saturday - Bay City Rollers
Lucky Star - Madonna
Abracadabra - Steve Miller Band
Cat Scratch fever - Ted Nugent
Anything by the Pointed Sisters
Ive never been to me
The Boys Are Back in Town
Ebony and Ivory - Paul and Jacko
Anything my April Whine
Horizontal Bop - Bon Seagar and the Stupid Bullet Band
Hot Blooded - Foreigner
Anything by Burton Cummings
Anything by Celine Dion, especially her Titanic song
Afternoon Delight
The Heat of the Moment and most things by Asia
Mr. Roboto - Styx
ROck'n'Roll High School
Loverboy - Everybody's Working for the Weekend

And many many more....

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I thought the thread was the 5 worst!!!!!!!!!!

Computers are supposed to work on 1's and 0's - in other words "Yes" or "No" - why does mine frequently say "Maybe"?......