5 worst songs ever - (Now!! That's what I call ****)

Today's 5...

• Two Little Boys - Rolf
  
• That one by Hoddle and (T)waddle
  
• Any song by a football team (except World in Motion obviously) but especially that one with Ossie Ardiles.
  
• Anything that Jonathon King had anything remotely to do with.
  
• Granddad - Clive Dunn
  

p.s. I don't have any particular bias against Spurs except people with Spurs connections seem to think they can sing (T Venables anyone?)
Also
ALL novelty songs whose names I will not mention because they will only end up as today's earworm - I'm not that cruel...



Agadoo do do push pineapple...

I am feeling a bit grumpy tonight, due to indigestion, so here are my worst songs.

1. Rolf Harris...two little boys..The worst in living memory.

2. Anything by a punk group...it is all a din suitable for drugged up yobs.

3. Muffing the Mule...how can anyone even dream of recording that drivel.

4. Shut uppa your face....total rubbish fit only for mentally retarded school boys.

5. Sandie Shaw...Puppet on a string...she talked to a tune it was dire.

6. The Birdie song whoever bought that rubbish should be shot.

Regards

Mick

So many predictable entries in this thread -- so I shall give 10 truly bad songs that have a hidden connection which will get you 1000 trivia points if you can guess it.

1) Millican & Nesbitt -- Can't remember what it was called but it was the one hit by this tedious pair of singing Geordie miners but it was problably about a a pit pony trapped in a collapsed mine or something.

2) David Dundas -- "Jeans On". Trivia: David Dundas wrote the Channel 4 music (you know the original 4 note jingle that went with the rotating 4 logo made of primary coloured blocks).

3) Tony Monopoly -- I have dim memories of this man winning "Opportunity Knocks" repeatedly in the 70s with staggeringly bad singing in the club style.

4) Styper -- Any of their output represents everything that is wrong with the idea of combining Christianity and Rock

5) Peter Sarstedt -- "Where Did You Go My Lovely"

6) Krokus -- "Burning up the Night".

7) Vicky Leandros -- "Come What may"

8) Boz Scaggs -- "What Can I Say"

9) Nick Straker -- "A Walk in the park"

10) Gordan Giltrap -- Anything but the Theme from "Holiday" will do for starters.

quote:

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Originally posted by Mick Parry:
5. Sandie Shaw...Puppet on a string...she talked to a tune it was dire.

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Hey Mick! Does that mean that Sandie Shaw invented Rapping??????
Well, let's blame her anyway!

Computers are supposed to work on 1's and 0's - in other words "Yes" or "No" - why does mine frequently say "Maybe"?......

quote:

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Originally posted by Matthew Robinson:
2) David Dundas -- "Jeans On". Trivia: David Dundas wrote the Channel 4 music (you know the original 4 note jingle that went with the rotating 4 logo made of primary coloured blocks).

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..But you should hear the version of "Jeans On" by Keith Urban - I actually like it!

Computers are supposed to work on 1's and 0's - in other words "Yes" or "No" - why does mine frequently say "Maybe"?......

Leave Dolce alone!

Joe Dolce's "Shaddupya Face" is a really rotten record.

Many on this thread, and indeed elsewhere, have ranted about on how it kept Ultravox's ridiculous "Vienna" off the top spot back in '81 (or whenever it was).

Surely this is a reason for any sentient being to regard it with a least a little affection.

Dolce's record was a stupid, annoying novelty record. Ultravox's was a stupid, annoying novelty record which was too pretentious to admit it. Which makes it far, far worse.

Kevin

This week's worst 5...

The current numbers 1 to 5 in the charts, whatever they may be.

This would apply to most weeks, Ever.

Obvious really. The vast majority of the songs mentioned in this thread were big sellers. It is rare for Joe/Jo Public to have good taste.

How many are also mentioned in the 'Best pop songs ever' thread? Funny thing musical taste...

quote:

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This would apply to most weeks, Ever.

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Seagull, this doesn't apply to the Sixties or to the Seventies. A lot of quite brilliant singles regularily getting into the top 5. Sadly from the Eighties until now I would have to agree.

Yours in Music

Syd

I did say most weeks. Like any generalisation there will be notable exceptions. But also it may be a slight case of rose tinted glasses...

The 60's and 70's had more decent songs in the top 5 (many mentioned in the 'best pop song' thread) but they also had their fair share of crap too.

I'm too young to remember the 60's (I'm sure our older members wouldn't be able to remember the 60's anyway ) but the 70's had the Bay City Rollers, Showaddywaddy, the Osmonds, the Nolans, Brotherhood of Man, the many guises of Jonathon King, Alvin Stardust etc. etc.

Excuse me while I go and throw up...

If any of you saw today's TOTP album chart, you would feel a sense of despair for the state of the music world.

Now I like a bit of nostalgia for my youth, but Humperdink? O'Donnell? Melua ? Callum ?

Is it only people buying this unmitigated SHIT in Tesco and Sainsbury's that push it all up the chart?

I think itmust be true that all the youngsters download it all or copy one CD round all thier mates?

At least I can listen to my own selection of Riva and Decomposed Subsonic.

A Grumpy DS

OTD - Riva - Stringer

Of course, it would be most interesting to know how many of those who've listed their bottom fives actually have copies of them in their collections. I think it's time to own up!

Regards, CB

Oh Erik - Now you've done it. You have reminded me of Rush! A career of horrors

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Originally posted by Andrew B.:
How could you include:
"Born in the USA" - Bruce Springsteen (this misunderstood song isn't some blue collar US patriotism but a genuine social critique: it's also very good live)

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Quite simply because it's crap, and it wasn't even my choice! I'd like to see the Boss live one day, but we get enough Americana rammed down our throats to last a lifetime. At least he got it right with "57 channels and nothing on"...

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Originally posted by Andrew B.:
3. Beverley Craven

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Oi - you're insulting the woman I love (or at least would have done ANYTHING to, err, do, back when I was 16 and "Promise me" was out. That album sounds pretty good on vinyl BTW

Mick - how can you not like bands like the Sex Pistols and the Undertones? God - punk WAS for spotty drugged up teens back in the 70s, but it's great for people like me who were only in nappies back then - much better than any of that spu-metal crap that HMV band around...

__________________________
Don't wanna be cremated or buried in a grave
Just dump me in a plastic bag and leave me on the pavement
A tribute to your modern world, your great society
I'm just another victim of your highrise fantasy!

quote:

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Originally posted by scooterboy:
Rock Around the Clock or anything by Bill Hayley

Lets go to San Francisco by Don't know and really don't care

Any Comedy or spoken record/cd

Musical Numbers ie South Pacific

Avante Garde Jazz

Could anything be worse than this ensamble

I know generalizing should not count but there are countless examples of these above. also anything from

Pop Stars
Teeny Bop bands
Country and Western
boy bands
girl bands
the list unfourtuantley goes on and on
My Wife also adds

anything to do with shipping disasters,car or motor cycle wrecks sung by over emotional women

Songs of unrequited love

anything remotley connected to b movie sound tracks

any songs with actions to it

anything by bands not from the deep southern states

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So, generally, you guys only appreciate mixed-sex non-C&W bands from Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, or Louisiana, singing non-pop songs about things that don't involve verbs...

You could save bandwidth by listing the 2 or 3 songs you actually don't think are crap. Seems like.

motor cycle wrecks sung by over emotional women
Songs of unrequited love

Well, that's just about the whole of pop music - and ALL of George Shadow Morton's catalogue - gone then!

Kevin

I'm deep south, historically anyway. Texas ain't deep south.

3) Songs sung by the recipients of misguided singing lessons, with the resulting weird vowel sounds. E.g. "good" rhymes with "goo", "will" sounds like "wheel" and "h" appears mysteriously before words that begin with vowels.

2) Songs sung in "transatlantic" accents by Britons.

1) Songs featuring both the above - apart, of course, from those by Level 42, whose style of presentation was clearly intended as an ironic dig at the music industry and globalisation and toothpaste and er... um... hmmm...

Reunited is probably my least favorite song. In case you've forgotten this gem, here are the lyrics so it can echo through your head for days:

------------

HERB
I was a fool to ever leave your side
Me minus you is such a lonely ride
The breakup we had has made me lonesome and sad
I realize I love you 'cause I want you bad, hey, hey

PEACHES
I spent the ev'ning with the radio
Regret the moment that I let you go
Our quarrel was such a way of learnin' so much
I know now that I love you 'cause I need your touch, hey, hey

CHORUS: BOTH
Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited 'cause we understood
There's one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited 'cause we're reunited, hey, hey

PEACHES
I sat here starin' at the same old wall
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want so you will still be mine, hey, hey

HERB
I can't go cheatin', honey, I can't play
I found it very hard to stay away
As we reminisce on precious moments like this
I'm glad we're back together 'cause I missed your kiss, hey, hey

CHORUS: BOTH

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-a-a-by

Lover, lover, this is solid love
And you're exactly what I'm dreamin' of
All through the day
And all through the night
BOTH: I'll give you all the love I have with all my might, hey, hey

Thankyou! This has been a wonderful thread. Reminding me of all my old favorites! yoooke:

Nime

I couldn't just leave without a mention of "Dancing in the moonlight" AArrgghhh!
Shania Twa(i)t
Whiteney "lawnmower" Houslon
Pre "Rumours" Fleetwood Mac
Pre "Breakfast" Supertramp
Rap :shite:
Disco :vomit:
Half naked young female neo-vocalists thinking they're talented just because they're carrying excess silicone and are over-paid to show most of it off to an adoring pre-pubescent youth.
Elton John
The "I'm alive" Cylone Dylon avatar. :retch:
Buttney Speersh :rainwbow yawn:

Could I just make a passionate plea here for more smilies? I'd really like a large variety of pukin' smilies just for such threads. I do feel "literally" challenged with such a small selection available.
Just time for an early afternoon nap.
I'll get my 'cardy' and slippers.....

Steady on with blanket comments about Elton John!!!

Some of his early stuff is really great!!
However, 'Goodbye English Rose' has got to be the song sung in the worst possible taste.
Sorry to all you Lady Di fans out there!

You could be there all day trying to pick the worst 5 songs. I reckon it would be easy with the worst 5 genres.
Mine are (genres that is)

'Pop' opera ie Sarah Brightman/Emma Shapplin
Hip hop (all of it)
Sanitised Gangsta rap i.e Puff Daddy/B.I.G
Boy Bands (punishable by death)
Bubble gum pop ie Britney/Christina etc

My worst 5 songs? Hmmmmm...

Geez.

'Agadoo' (Thankfully I don't know the artist.)
'Barbara Anne' The Beach Boys
'All Out Of Love' Air Supply God (I HATE THEM)
'Man In The Mirror' Michael Jackson
'Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me' Elton and George Michael Live

Oh Man you could go on and on...

Joe90

I find Elton John un-easy listening!

I rather liked Sarah B. with Andrea Bocelli. But I vastly prefer Bocelli to any of the others that make his sort of sound. (Tenors?) I'm on thin ice with opera. Not keen, so don't learn much about it. Bocelli has emotion. The others have each other.

Nime

Everyone has the right to be wrong.

What about that awful Three Tenners football song that was stuffed down our throats at the world cup....
Yes..I know...but you know what I mean.

quote:

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Originally posted by joe90:
'Agadoo' (Thankfully I don't know the artist.)

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BLACK LACE - Sorry Joe, you've got to have the same nightmares as the rest of us

Arrrrggghhhhh!!

What about:

Ace of Spades - Motorhead
Unskinny Bop (?)
Anything from the Death Metal Genre

Joe90

In no particular order

Elton John - 'Candle in the Wind '97'
Liked the original but this dirge to the 'People's Princess' is simply vile (and it's the biggest-selling single ever in the UK)

Dean Friedman - 'Lucky Star'
Surprised this hasn't been mentioned already. The most annoying song ever.

Queen - 'Bohemian Rhapsody'
Pompous art-rock masquerading as something profound. Defines the excesses of the '70s/'80s and responsible for the modern music video.

Englebert Humperdinck - 'Release Me'
Not that atrocious a song but responsible for keeping 'Strawberry Fields Forever' off the No.1 spot.

Celine Dion - 'My Heart Will Go On'
Ought to be remained 'The Pain will go on - and on'. Caterwauling of the most cruel kind.