Suicide on christmas day '04

Posted by: Deane F on 23 January 2005

My wife has just found that a friend of her's committed suicide by opening an artery on christmas day. It was known that she was depressed and had been more and more difficult to contact. Helen (my wife) visited her flat on christmas day to leave a present and invite her to lunch but she wasn't answering the door, although it seemed that she was home because the windows were open. It turns out that she was probably dead at the time. Apparently she took her life in such a way that there would have been no going back once the cut had been made and she would have bled out in thirty seconds or so. This speaks of a long preparation to me - a lot of research and contemplation before the act etc.

It is the second suicide of someone we know in the last four months. Seeing the ripple of damage go through the community that surrounds the suicide I could never commit the act myself, although I have been depressed before and the idea of suicide has popped into my head.

I guess her problems have been handed on to those who survive her. It seems cold to say such a thing but I am angry, as well as a mixture of several other feelings.

Helen is very upset, to say the least.

Deane

Posted on: 23 January 2005 by Steve Toy

A close friend of mine committed suicide in a similarly planned fashion back in March 2000.

I guess there are two types of suicide:

1) The planned sort that doesn't usually fail. People who go for this option have reached that point of no return where they feel that their pain is greater than the resulting loss to those around them. My friend was a very strong woman who had been ground down over time by a very malicious boss who had made unsubstantiated accusations against her (that were nevertheless upheld and resulted in her being suspended) and had questioned her integrity. Her case was featured in a BBC documentary called "Bosses from Hell" a couple of years back.

I would never try to get inside the head of someone feeling so helpless and powerless in order to judge their actions.

2) The cry-for-help suicide attempt that was meant to fail but didn't.

This person doesn't feel quite as helpless and powerless as the one above, but feels that a suicide attempt may get the the attention/help they need/deserve.

Posted on: 23 January 2005 by arf005

Afternoon Deane,

pity PT's are no longer on the go as I would have shared a bit more with you, actually I might e mail you later if I get time (I'm off-shore at the mo)

So sorry to hear about the suicide of Helens' friend, it is always hard to take in the death of someone close to you, no matter what the circumstances!

It is always hard too, to understand why the reasons why, and like Steve said....impossible to get in their head and judge their actions.

I hope the friends/family that were close to her can find comfort in each other.

All the best,
Ali

Posted on: 23 January 2005 by Deane F

Hi Steve and Ali

Thanks for your thoughts.

Steve, I didn't mean to come across as judgemental of the person's actions though it is fair to read it that way. I am just stunned at what is left behind, is all.

There is something very shocking about death by suicide. It is very difficult to understand how the step is taken across the gulf between contemplation and action.

Regards
Deane

Posted on: 23 January 2005 by long-time-dead

Please accept my condolences.

Posted on: 24 January 2005 by manicatel

Again, condolances.Suicide,& mental health problems are a serious,& in my view under-addressed problem in the uk.G.P's still give out prozac,etc, all too easily, without addressing the root of the problem.Please ensure that your wife is given support, from you, or professional counselling bodies if need be. A sad way to highlight the need for more counselling services. Matt

Posted on: 24 January 2005 by andy c

Hi Deane,
a very hoest and emotional post...

Having dealt with the other side of this - having to inform coroners and conduct investigations etc into sudden deaths, in some cases its apparent the 'victim' may have been giving off signals and signs they intended to do this most drastic of actions to themselves.

I don't for one minute think you were judgememtal, and in cases I have dealt with the next-of-kin in most cases have been besides themselves in the 'I should have done somehting more' issue. I genuinley feel they probably could not have done any more.

I often cannot help privatly thinking that in some respects this is the most saddest of ways to die...

regards,

andy c!