Stress

Top advice from Mick

Mike

Why one doesn't seriously talk about anything serious on internet fori, & being taken advantage of (in their tiny minds)"L.Cpl. Parry Go Fuck yorself² As a Grreat example for British Business (as long as it lasts you're super" , In the real future world of Swindon, you are unfortunately a disgrace, and I'll look forward to soon be drinking with you, as I have in the past, innit.

Fritz von Disgraced²

Spock,
A few post ago I made the suggestion of e-mailing me and I left you my e-mail address.You have generally had some very good advice from forum members take it,ie see your Doctor straight awaybut for Christs sake don't follow Micks advice Only do what your Doctor tells you to dohe may suggest counselling, I found this very helpful.I have been there, am still there after 3 years, and still not much hope of, if ever total recovery [Doctors report] because I soldiered on thinking I could beat it,I even confronted my management as Mick suggested .THEY knew what they were doing in the end Two of us had total breakdowns,another one of my colleagues jumped of a well known Sussex Beauty spot[ allegedly]{ insurted for legal reasons} I can't remember if it's 300 or 500 ft above sea level but the final out come was the same, and a considerable number of my colleagues alsoleft their jobs of many years as they realised that their turn was coming. None of us took Bri--ton Uni----sity through the courts because when your in that situation you dont have the confidence/ mental ability to do it, and They Know That, thats why they do it
Mick,
I sorry, but stick to advising people on matters of HiFi,where you mayhave a little more Knowledge,the only damage you can do with your advice on this subject is finacial and most people can/ would recover from that eventually
oldie.

Eh?

Lots of generally very good advice here, especially from people like Tom who it's clear have 'been there and done that'/got the T-shirt/still have the 'scars', etc.

I've been stressed at various points in my life around work and other things and have had counselling and have also talked to people about it - the worst thing you can do is bottle it up so even something like starting a thread about it like this is a start, well done!

Four years ago I did a self-development/self-awareness course (PT me for details if you're interested) which gave me some powerful tools to deal with those times in my life when I get stressed or simply suffer an inability to deal with a particular situation. It forced me to ask some questions of myself, chief among them being: "what could I be responsible for?" - a question I imagine is the last one you'd want to ask when feeling stressed out, upset, ill-looked after and generally wronged by your employer!

What I got to see was how much of a victim I was in these situations. It was a horrible thing to see at first, but as it sank in I realised that's probably why I got bullied for so many years at school, and why a senior partner picked on me at this accountancy firm I worked at when I left college. It also probably explains why I was fired after three months from the only salesman's job I ever had!

I also gained an ability to distinguish my relationship to whatever it was I was stressed about, and one of the reasons I got so stressed at work was because at some point in the recent past I decided that it was the most important thing in the world. Either that, or that if I did something wrong my career was over and I would no longer be able to look my parents in the eye - I simply was not worthy.

Once I got to see all this I realised I actually had a choice - I could make it all mean something else. These days I work in IT Support for a large investment bank. It's unpredictable, occasionally stressful, it actually feels like my career has nose-dived over the past few years and my boss often pisses me off but I realise that he only does this because I let him. Why? Because I chose to be 'the victim' in that situation. Once I realised I was doing this, I was able to just let it go. The job's still the same, he certainly hasn't changed, but the difference is I now find the job and him easier to put up with.

Spock, if I may be so bold, I would suggest, and it's only a suggestion and I stress I don't pretend to know your situation, so I apologise if this appears wildly inappropriate, that you have allowed yourself to become a victim of your work situation and, as I know from my own experiences, once a superior has a 'victim' in his/her sights, it's like a wild animal scenting blood.

Yeah the counselling helped in that I had someone to talk to, but the course I did gave me some real direction and clarity around my life and made me see that I could actually be the cause of my life, rather than, as I'm often given to describe myself, 'one of life's victims', or 'life's a bitch and then you die' etc. etc. ad nauseum!

Nowadays I still get upset at times and I do get stressed, but I've got the tools to deal with it and I won't forget them in a hurry. Ultimately I got to see that work was not the be all and end all I had made it out to be. Once I realised this I found out I had a choice about what I wanted to do, and life now doesn't seem so bad.

Just my tuppence-halfpenny.

Regards,

JonR

Cushty²

Keep om jumpin gels that's all yer gonna do.


Fritz Von Yeregoisticarrogancewillkeepyerwhereyerat²

Oldie

I said straight from the start that Spock should seek medical advice and let his boss know straight away in order to protect himself.

Tom said...."Unfortunately some managers (as has been reported above) either don't care, see it as a sign of weakness or are sadistic bastards. In those instances they will push you harder until you snap.

That happens when you are seen as an easy target who will not fight back.

Sacking someone is a risky business. You have to prove that they are unfit for the job despite counselling, training and written warnings etc.

Spock appears to be doing a fairly good job so his boss is in a difficult position. He may be under pressure for some reason to get rid of Spock. This is easy is Spock just goes.

If he plays his cards similar to the way that I suggested, then he puts his boss into a more difficult position and the pressure is transferred from Spock to the boss.

Spocks best best is to help his boss to help him, be it by mutual help or good old fashioned blackmail.

He either becomes an easy victim or someone who survives by fighting back.

He has to fight because his career will be severely damaged if he loses his job due to stress. He becomes unemployable.

Regards

Mick

Fuck the Managers, "I can't say too much at this stage" nice to see this this thread as always has gotten totally out of sinc, well done Fritz.

Fritz Von Nowonderyou'restressedreally

Mick,
There are ,undoubtably times when it might have helped the situation by talking to your /his manager, but in my expereance by the time you realise that your suffering from Work related Stress it's far to late for that, and confronting anyone from your place of employment let alone a manager would just induce far more stress than you are already capable of dealing with. Also, as strange as it seems you may not even know that your suffering from W.R.S,all those around me recognised my symptions but I was the last to know and only found out when I kept collapsing and couldn't stand up, so I had to go to see my G.P.When I was finally contacted by the Personnel Dept I was so far down the line that I lost my power of speach when either anyone or anything regarding the Uni---sity of Bri---on was mentioned. The only way I could communicate with them was by e-mail thats why originaly I bought this M/c. To this day I still have problems just driving past the buildings of the Uni. let alone talking to my ex manager or my ex Personnel Dept, they all knew what was going on, there was far to many of us falling by the wayside for them not to have known something was drasticaly wrong and everbody giving them the same information.
It was all part of a local managment strategy[ yes it still goes on] to replace the existing staff with staff from the new managers old University,which was eventually achieved you know the old saying ,new brush etc.
So without knowing all of the circumstances it can be very dangerious just to say confront/blackmail/creep/get them on your side etc etc.In these cases untill "one" knows all of the facts The best advice is always of the non invasive type ie seek medical help and get out of the fire so you can't get burnt anymore if only for a while.Better be unemployed for awhile than in your local mentalhealth "carehome" or more drastically taking the step from a well known Sussex beauty spot.
with regards
oldie.

Tom

Re: flogging the house and buying a smaller one for cash

quote:

---

Well, my brother, sister and several of my friends went for option 2) and I'm looking forward to being well enough to do that as well. The idea of working for 6 months of the year for luxury items and having the rest of the time as my own very appealing.

---

Yep - I think this is ultimately where I want to be regardless of the stress situation. My own sister dropped out 14 years ago and now has a simple quality to her life that I really aspire to. Less is more maybe.

Wish you well with your own situation.

Spock

good timin mate: