True truths 2
Posted by: Berlin Fritz on 21 November 2004
I am unable to post to True Truths 1.
Millwall 1 Hammers Lost - Bastards.
Fritz Von Wouldilietoyou ?
Millwall 1 Hammers Lost - Bastards.
Fritz Von Wouldilietoyou ?
Whils't exchanging my camera card this moaning I was pleasantly suprised to be very politely aplogised to for my inconvenience, and given the much more expensive proper card at no extra cost. I can just imagine that in London (I don't think, as I'd opened the pack etc) as well as talking with a German accent, innit.
Fritz Von Is the Pope Catholic ?
Fritz Von Is the Pope Catholic ?
Having just returned from a brilliant session where the Who were played very loudly and often, followed by some live Dylan which annoyed me greatly because of his obvious piss take regarding being serious and just cashing in (I love Mr Zimermann)I'm kinda glad that I didn't hear it all on a good hi fi system, innit.
Fritz Von Maybe that's the difference ?
Fritz Von Maybe that's the difference ?
Well done to Norwich City for a famous 2-0 win over Manc UTD, and also to the Hammers for their 3-0 bashing of Coventry, & I bet Out Mat must be well largin it ?
Fritz Von You either know or you dinnee
Fritz Von You either know or you dinnee
Of course the mother accused and sentenced to prison 7 years ago for murdering her two baby's on non scientific and heresay chit chat evidence so often found on this forum is lucky to be alive. She was released some hours ago, her case being totally unpturned in a London Courthouse, Her life is ruined, she has lost two children, she has no home, or partner, friends, and has the luxury of paying for her stay at Her Majesty's Pleasure. This woman would naturally have been executed in earlier days, as would many other female cases (many still inside today). When I consider the revenge comments etc that many folk wanted to act upon Jonathon King, and look at this person's alleged crimes, they almost pale into insignificance in contrast.
Britain with €urope's highest prison population (some now big brother privatised) intends to simply build more prisons, 50% + of these people should not be in prison in the first place (low financial debters, etc) and obviously can't repay society inside. Two years ago a thorough report was made of the British Prison Service by an independant well respected ex British Army General, not known for his easy ways. His findings have been totally ignored by all parties, and the same old cycle of petty ASBO vigillante, family Court, cum Magistrates (lay, legally unqualified people who are deemed by their peers to be good people ???) and have the say over others lives, will happily continue.
Fritz Von Wotta Larf eh ?
Britain with €urope's highest prison population (some now big brother privatised) intends to simply build more prisons, 50% + of these people should not be in prison in the first place (low financial debters, etc) and obviously can't repay society inside. Two years ago a thorough report was made of the British Prison Service by an independant well respected ex British Army General, not known for his easy ways. His findings have been totally ignored by all parties, and the same old cycle of petty ASBO vigillante, family Court, cum Magistrates (lay, legally unqualified people who are deemed by their peers to be good people ???) and have the say over others lives, will happily continue.
Fritz Von Wotta Larf eh ?
John Cleese 2005-02-13 Politics
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The Right
Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been
unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister
for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British
Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
* You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be
reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter
'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to
spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love
affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix
"ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn
that the suffix
'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are! welcome to re-spell
Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an
unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will
be no
more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope
with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to
develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.
* There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know
on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
* You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to
learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as
"Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking
about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in
England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling
it
Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire,
Floridashire, Louisianashire.
* Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the _good_ guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or
"Red
Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American
audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political
incorrectness.
* You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
get confused and give up half way through.
* You should stop playing American "football." There is only one
kind
of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens
side by 2005.
* You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will
be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball
without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
* You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no
longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a
vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to
handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish
to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts.
You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same
time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.
* You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French
fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian
though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in
Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist
on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are
thick
cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer
which should be served warm and flat.
*
* Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all
tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be
doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually
beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will
be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known
as
"American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's
Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company
whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine."
This
will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the
Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as
you
will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the
former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and
the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US
gallon -- get used to it).
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers
or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled
by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing
someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to
handle a gun.
Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly
to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation, innit
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The Right
Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been
unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister
for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British
Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
* You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be
reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter
'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to
spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love
affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix
"ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn
that the suffix
'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are! welcome to re-spell
Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an
unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will
be no
more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope
with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to
develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.
* There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know
on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
* You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to
learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as
"Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking
about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in
England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling
it
Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire,
Floridashire, Louisianashire.
* Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the _good_ guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or
"Red
Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American
audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political
incorrectness.
* You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
get confused and give up half way through.
* You should stop playing American "football." There is only one
kind
of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens
side by 2005.
* You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will
be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball
without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
* You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no
longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a
vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to
handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish
to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts.
You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same
time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.
* You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French
fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian
though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in
Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist
on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are
thick
cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer
which should be served warm and flat.
*
* Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all
tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be
doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually
beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will
be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known
as
"American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's
Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company
whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine."
This
will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the
Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as
you
will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the
former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and
the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US
gallon -- get used to it).
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers
or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled
by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing
someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to
handle a gun.
Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly
to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation, innit
When I consider over the last few years what I've read, seen, heard regarding magnetic MRI scanners in British NHS Hospitals, and the way their service has been hampered by 'Non Medical' Bullshit², unprofessional, Greedy, Egoistc, Target aiming, selfish, Moronic, Arrogant, Managerial (financial mainly) Staff, I despair. Whils't just watching my local TV News, a report on Berlin's largest Hospital's latest 'Full Body Scanner' toy was most interesting (Complete scan takes ten seconds) and subsequently helps hinder future mistakes and problems arising from un-forseen problems. This Dreamlike 'Chinese Whole Body concept* Starship Enterprise Technology/Diagnosis Wonder is here, NOW, being used 24/7, so what is Britain's EXCUSE ?
Fritz Von It's probably their trackin innit
Fritz Von It's probably their trackin innit
Whils't contemplating wether I should fight for my right to be 'seemingly' condescending when commenting or answering other folks posts, I came to the conclusion that as I treat everybody the same, and have no agenda or
conflict of interest, I shouldn't even think about it anymore, innit.
Fritz Von Do you reckon that Scottish Gentleman 'Mr K.Hardy' who formed the Labour Party in 1894 in the deepest bowels of East London would be proud of what he sees today ?
N.B. I wonder why Our Mick didn't tell us that Civil Serviles (well paid I add) are allowed to do other jobs on the side ? Greed & Conflict of interest I call it, innit
conflict of interest, I shouldn't even think about it anymore, innit.
Fritz Von Do you reckon that Scottish Gentleman 'Mr K.Hardy' who formed the Labour Party in 1894 in the deepest bowels of East London would be proud of what he sees today ?
N.B. I wonder why Our Mick didn't tell us that Civil Serviles (well paid I add) are allowed to do other jobs on the side ? Greed & Conflict of interest I call it, innit
Lots of luck to the Rover's who'll play the Gunners very shortly in the FA Cup Semi-Final,(I'm looking forward to it, Free on German DSF TV Live) Newcastle hopefully bootin Sir Alex's lot into touch tommorow ?
Fritz Von When The British Public finally click what PFI Really means it'l be far far far too late, and Tony & Gordon will be long gone to Sir Cliffords island in the sun, innit
You know it makes sense !!!! *** Alisdaire for Ref !
Fritz Von When The British Public finally click what PFI Really means it'l be far far far too late, and Tony & Gordon will be long gone to Sir Cliffords island in the sun, innit
You know it makes sense !!!! *** Alisdaire for Ref !
quote:Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
When I consider over the last few years what I've read, seen, heard regarding magnetic MRI scanners in British NHS Hospitals, and the way their service has been hampered by 'Non Medical' Bullshit², unprofessional, Greedy, Egoistc, Target aiming, selfish, Moronic, Arrogant, Managerial (financial mainly) Staff, I despair. Whils't just watching my local TV News, a report on Berlin's largest Hospital's latest 'Full Body Scanner' toy was most interesting (Complete scan takes ten seconds) and subsequently helps hinder future mistakes and problems arising from un-forseen problems. This Dreamlike 'Chinese Whole Body concept* Starship Enterprise Technology/Diagnosis Wonder is here, NOW, being used 24/7, so what is Britain's EXCUSE ?
Fritz Von It's probably their trackin innit
So, as UK has very low unemployment, incredibly high all time investment in the NHS, a massively successful economy, but not one MRI scanner of the type mentioned above, now why is this ?
Fritz Von I'd love to put that directly to John Reid
Somebody kindly brought me a brand new Daewoo video recorder yesterday, and I've just enjoyed a couple of Blackadder episodes (my first with loony German Prince George).
Fritz Von Great stuff, and super trackin too
Fritz Von Great stuff, and super trackin too
I suppose eventually when every shop has CCTV, and all late night precincts have electronic watchers too, all shoplifting and yobbish drunkenness at chucking up time will cease forthwith ! Hooray.
Fritz Von I didn't know that over a million British kids (under the age of ten) possess mobile phones, I expect they're great fore keeping abreast of the election campagne ?
Fritz Von I didn't know that over a million British kids (under the age of ten) possess mobile phones, I expect they're great fore keeping abreast of the election campagne ?
Interesting to see how the Tsunami affected area in Indonesia is now swarming with out of control, ill diciplined Militia, raping and pilliaging their way about like gods, I expect they love all that International Aid given to them from Liverpool and other such generous British Communities too, though If I were Prime Minister I'd be bollocking them from the rooftops, but of course I'm not, Tony Booth is, and it wasn't his dosh anyway, innit.
I'm sure non of us want to remember Prince Harry's recent little fancy Dress indiscretion, and the mega posts that ensued on this very forum, but hard luck. As one kind American member mentioned lately too, in regards to the free speech thread, the Yanks do their utmost to protect outspoken minorities, irrespective of how obnoxious they many be to the general Public at large (so long as they remain legal and don't incite violence etc). Well today being the birthday of Hitler, I wonder how many secret (and open) little party's of celebration will be going on around the world in different places ?
Fritz Von You can't always get what you want, innit
Fritz Von You can't always get what you want, innit
5 Million + unemployed over here, and I've just walked past a talking bloody rubbish bin, telling one where the nearest bottle banks etc are, only in one language moind, so it'll be a lrf for the majority of International tourists that frequent this neighbourhood in large numbers to see where I and the President live. ? I could just vision a drunken Seno'r Parry having a chat with it abouit the Law, though I expect the local Yobbo's most of who's fathers like themselves were born here, but find it soothing to wreck pubic property to cuerb their obvious home-sickness (Gos know's what British & French yobs/chavs use as a reason for such vandalism ? Or is this Racost ?
Fritz Von Talk to the animals
Fritz Von Talk to the animals
Without wishing to bore anybody with the type of freshly roasted, ground, and wonderfully aroma'd coffee that I've just enjoyed, and to accompany some equally superb Madagascan Pure dark chocolate (my first ever), I wont then.
Fritz Von Knighthood to Piers Morgan for bravely publishing the truth
Fritz Von Knighthood to Piers Morgan for bravely publishing the truth
If one drank a different German bier every day, it would take 13 years and six months to get through them all, innit.
Fritz Von Official German Beer Federation figures for those that will no doubt argue the toss 
Fritz Von Official German Beer Federation figures for those that will no doubt argue the toss
And Hippo's are regularly responsible for more human deaths in Africa than any other animal.
Fritz Von Probably not enough life rings, innit
Fritz Von Probably not enough life rings, innit
In Britain (circa) 500AD average life expectancy was considered/estimated to be around 37 years old.
In Swindon, Wiltshire.UK. in 2005AD + the average life expectancy (in certain quarters) due to Malt consumption, fine foods & beverages, combined with God Fearing & Law abiding lifestyle is reckoned to be around the magic biblical 120 years old.
In Sierra Leone 2005AD the average life expectancy IS 37, innit.
Fritz Von Well I never
In Swindon, Wiltshire.UK. in 2005AD + the average life expectancy (in certain quarters) due to Malt consumption, fine foods & beverages, combined with God Fearing & Law abiding lifestyle is reckoned to be around the magic biblical 120 years old.
In Sierra Leone 2005AD the average life expectancy IS 37, innit.
Fritz Von Well I never
quote:Originally posted by Mick Parry:
Fritz
Be like me and you will live to be 120 yrs.
Easy innit
Mick
I'll remain with quality of life being my main objective thank you very much John.
Fritz Von Give em an inch
I was talking to and old Turkish chap yesterday (Berlin has a large population of third generation Turks) about the Gallipolli battle celebrated today in Australia & New Zealand for their part 90 years afore, and yesterday oin Turkey for zthe whole caboodle so to speak. From his point of view naturally his Country was invaded and they put up a good show, as no doubt any British or Yank person would say in a similar situation. 130,000 killed in all on every side, 11,000 Anzacs, some 40,000 Brits, and the rest, quite another silly days work on humanity's part, what ?
The old guy mentioned that on 23rd April in Turkey they have a National Hilday called Childrens Day, which I think is a bloody good idea personally, each Country around the globe could drop one of its less important days to exchange it for a World Childrens Day, where everybody has a holiday, No religion, No Politics, simply so, innit
Now get back to the real world John:
The old guy mentioned that on 23rd April in Turkey they have a National Hilday called Childrens Day, which I think is a bloody good idea personally, each Country around the globe could drop one of its less important days to exchange it for a World Childrens Day, where everybody has a holiday, No religion, No Politics, simply so, innit
Now get back to the real world John: