True truths 2

I've been hearing all day from various sources about Wayne Roony's brilliant goal yesterday, but still haven't managed to see it yet, maybe a stupid question, but has anyone seen it ?

Fritz Von Our Mat celebrating 40 years of Bobby Moore's Law

When one considers the absolute genius of mind involved in the British Iraq/torture/mistreatment Soldier(s) case (tried here in Germany under Court Marshall) where he/they were charged upon their own art/camera-work after being shopped by an English chemist, where they had brilliantly put the film in for development, and subsequently gave the Army a bloody bad name to-boot. Wether speed cameras on motorways, shopping centre CCTV's etc, the 'evidence' (insurance covering ?) can be very costly eventually to those either caught in the act, or those who are put in the frame (Literally), are fair and right will probably be an never ending argumenmt of Law ?
Whils't just suffering 'yet another' long soak in a scratchy herbal barf, I listened to a report on the latest apparent craze enjoyed by the poor 'young' Chav/portdown man/girl/ bored/ Daft³/ morons in the UK, involving giving somebody a good kicking (Brave gangstyle naturally, can't have them winning now can we ?) then filming the result & sending it to wherever; via their mobile phones, some of which will soon be available on the internet no doubt, though I wonder where this wonderful idea sprang from in the first place, innit ?


Fritz Von BBC World Service By the Way wunnit so it was obviously politically biased !!!

In our parents/grandparents era it was not uncommon to tie kids hands back to stop thumb-sucking, as it wasn't later in life to stop left handers (old word for sinister) being 'Abnormal' causing all sorts of untold damage in the future.

Fritz Von Though please don't confuse these early 'Well meaning social conventions of normality' with Chinese feet binding, and obnoxious African practices still carried out today in the name of tradition & Religion, innit

I'm looking forward to live Liverpool vs Chelsea soon on main free-tv, I wonder how it is in UK if two German teams were playing, would it be shown ?


Fritz Von I wonder

Those Starskey & Hutch chaps must have earned a fortune in the 70's cos one of them has just put in a bid to buy Manchester United Football Club ?


Fritz Von Carter ! I want him Nicked

Will the last ever episode of 'The Osbournes' be a case of 'The fuck stops here ?'

http://www.viz.co.uk/default.htm?x=1


Fritz Von Sharon where's me socks ?

http://www.sky.com/skynews/uknews Must have cost a few Bob ?


Fritz Von And I thought Scientists & Geneticists were one of the same, innit

I've just enjoyed watching a very early Steptoe & Son episode on my new video ting recently so kindly donanted to my cause, and guess who played Arrold's girlfriend ? Yes a very young Jo Lumley, Goodnight, innit

Not that we'll ever know; but I'd be intrigued & happy to think that all of those on this forum using real names or not who are eligible to vote in 8 hours time in the UK for the new government actually personally cast their votes (or post) with a good or spoilt ballot paper, and don't just gob off löatzer, after doing nothing, cos it was raining, or Blakes 7 was on the telly, innit.

Fritz Von They will though, they will

Goodnight, it's been a larf a minute innit

This finally opens soon here in Berlin, it's had quite a journey to get actually finished, and I personally think the memorial is quite excellent, innit.

http://www.holocaust-mahnmal.de/en/projectupdate?PHPSESSID=78752193a1a425d8c6e49d4b9fa54bbf

Fritz Von And about bloody time too

Tommorow is the 60th anniversary of "Victory in Europe Day".


Fritz Von I had an Indian mate at school called Vijay, they named a day after him too, though I've often thought it lucky that €urope wasn't called Dalmatia, or it'd be VD Day, innit


We have the freedom to read Our Micks posts in peace & without fear

60 Years eh, how time flies ?

I wonder if little girls had been allowed to sleep in Whacko's bed by their parents rather than little boys, if the public perception of the whole fiasco would be much different ?


Fritz Von Ben the two of us need look no more

Without wishing to get totally bombarded with historians on this subject (I recall asking for historians opinions out there in the past, and they're all obviously very different from one another innit ) I'd just like to make this recent point/concept (new to me at least) more widely known. It relates to the young Hitler's reasons for his slowly building up anger and hatred towards the rest of Europe as well as his anti-semetic leanings. Watching the first part of a documentary film the other night, I was suprised to consider that the real catalyst for this anger was the total blame put upon Germany (and the subsequent reparations required etc) for the outbreak of the first world war in 1914, as put forward by the Versaille treaty as every schoolchild knows. Looking at this objectively now (in this day and age) many feel, that this 'issue alone', could well be the 'Unjustifiable' cause for the subsequent unstoppable consequences that followed, and the eventual outbreak of the second world war, resulting in another 40 million + deaths across the board ?
Granted that this was a Canadian/American rather Hollywoodesque production (from 2003) , Hitler being played by a prominent British actor (bloody good too) who's more well known for playing young wayward senior British Detectives on the Beeb, it still, I feel gave a new perspective (for me at least) to the arrogance regarding apportioning the 'full' blame totally on Germany for that Great War, which obviously had catastrophic unforeseeable results on the rest of the world, I can't help thinking it slightly simplistic of course, but if Adolf's psychological make-up had been steered in another direction by a more European frame of mind (that Churchill himself later advocated first in the 'United States of Europe concept') things would/could have been very different, innit?



Fritz Von Don't Mention the War

I suppose in your kids eyes you actually come from their past

Fritz Von There's a fine beautiful near full moon hovering over the city tonight, maybe it'll be flying to you too in a week or so, innit ?

Here's an amusing quote from the latest book I'm reading over breakfast (after a hard days job seeking & letter writing)as you do. It's a meeting with the great Michael Faraday and the then Chancellor of the Exchequer William Gladstone. Billy boy visited Faraday in his Lab, and asked him 'sacastically' and knowing nothing of science, what use these huge electric contraptions couild possibly have for England ?
Faraday replied "Sir, I know not what these machines will be used for, but I am sure that one day you will tax them." Today, a large portion of the total wealth of England is invested in the fruit of Faraday's labours, innit.

Fritz Von It reminded me a bit od our Micks stirring comments regarding becoming a 'Consultant' by sheer bullshit (sorry bulldog) grit and determination, crushing anybody who stands before you with your undying enthusiasm and will to be the best of the best.

Having just this minute seen on the news an incident in UK involving a young Royal Marine who's tragically died (very swiftly) of a so-called superbug (thought to have been erradicated in UK since the 50's) contracted seemingly through a scratch from a gorse bush he incurred in training. I'll make no comments about the standard of hygiene in British Military Hospitals, even in contrast to Civilian NHS ones, but Mr David Kelly and his pals old tricks do come to mind! as well as the usual total blank the Ministry of Defiance always puts on these matters.


Fritz Von Oh Fuck not Defence MRSA Wots that then John ?

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
Here's an amusing quote from the latest book I'm reading over breakfast (after a hard days job seeking & letter writing)as you do. It's a meeting with the great Michael Faraday and the then Chancellor of the Exchequer William Gladstone. Billy boy visited Faraday in his Lab, and asked him 'sacastically' and knowing nothing of science, what use these huge electric contraptions couild possibly have for England ?
Faraday replied "Sir, I know not what these machines will be used for, but I am sure that one day you will tax them." Today, a large portion of the total wealth of England is invested in the fruit of Faraday's labours, innit.

Fritz Von It reminded me a bit od our Micks stirring comments regarding becoming a 'Consultant' by sheer bullshit (sorry bulldog) grit and determination, crushing anybody who stands before you with your undying enthusiasm and will to be the best of the best.

Mind You I doubt if Faraday was a Mason

I wonder if Gladdy wasn't ?

Mindless

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegans eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

How do they get the deer to cross at those yellow road signs?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Fritz Von And then the band played on

Whils't checking some names on google a little while ago, I recognised one which suprise suprise linked straight to the funny fish farm forum. The first time I've actually looked at it, so many names from the past, As I've said before I'll never post on there (sighs of relief) don't want to upset Our Matt's little clique again now do we ?

Fritz good night out with my old Palestinian mate last night, now there's somebody who really knows what suffering is all about, innit.

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
When I consider over the last few years what I've read, seen, heard regarding magnetic MRI scanners in British NHS Hospitals, and the way their service has been hampered by 'Non Medical' Bullshit², unprofessional, Greedy, Egoistc, Target aiming, selfish, Moronic, Arrogant, Managerial (financial mainly) Staff, I despair. Whils't just watching my local TV News, a report on Berlin's largest Hospital's latest 'Full Body Scanner' toy was most interesting (Complete scan takes ten seconds) and subsequently helps hinder future mistakes and problems arising from un-forseen problems. This Dreamlike 'Chinese Whole Body concept* Starship Enterprise Technology/Diagnosis Wonder is here, NOW, being used 24/7, so what is Britain's EXCUSE ?

Fritz Von It's probably their trackin innit

So, as UK has very low unemployment, incredibly high all time investment in the NHS, a massively successful economy, but not one MRI scanner of the type mentioned above, now why is this ?

Fritz Von I'd love to put that directly to John Reid

Now the election is over, and now there's new Health secretary, NOW a major scandle is brewing in UK (inially Manchester)over miss-dignosos of Breast Cancer tests, which could /probably will run into thousands causing untols totally unnesse-scary mega-stress for all of those involved. This 'FACT has been regularly puiblished and discussed for al ong toime now in Private Eye ,as well as other renouned organs, and I just wonder what it really does take in the UK to get peopple off of their arses, and require serious answers from serious people, and not just yer normal scapegoats ?

Fritz Von Lucky Our Kylie's being sorted OK innit, I'm shocked & stunned at the sheer apathy of everybody on this one, really, especially as it basically boils down to Mickey Mouse Cheapscating Negligence, innit

I was shocked & stunned earlier to read whils't browsing 'that other place', extreme personal attacks and abuse of Our Mick regarding so-called pensions. There again those richer UK folk who've benfitted for so many years will now be happy to pay a higher rate for their new ID cards when they're finally introduced, creating mega confusuion that never existed before, and actually making it easier for fraud & terrorism to exist (IMHO). Yeah £300 sovs for you, and £750 + for them.



Fritz Von Sorry the card reader isn't working no pension, Dole, Bank money, voting (what an excuse) postal voting without ID (I don't think so) information, etc, etc, come back next week please (If this PFI company is still here that is ?)

P.S, German's do carry ID cards (and can visit UK, etc on that alone, unlike the modern British system which is basically pathetic²)

Dumb Britain

Rock FM, Preston

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci?

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Q103, Cambridge

Presenter: How many members were there of the boy band 5ive?

Contestant: Four.

Magic 1152, Manchester

Presenter: Who said “Kiss me Hardy”?

Contestant: Was it his girlfriend?

Presenter: No – it was a man who said it.

Contestant: Was it Stan Laurel?


Please e-mail entries to dumb@private-eye.co.uk
issue no. 1133
next issue due 9 June 2005: Innit

What with the Israeli President being in town at the moment as Berlins Guest of Honour, security is a bit tight even on my corner, I had to show ID just to get my Dole Dosh from the Sherman Tank earlier, innit.

Fritz Von You gotta picka pocket or two

Tis Super being a real €uropean/London born to-boot, unlike all of the greedy dreamers hanging on the sidelines, you're either with us ? ***