It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood (la la la)

Algernoodler- You dirty little dirt merchant!

Oh fuck, right on cue Mr. Weiland is outside wailing away (this time with acoustic guitar and drum accompaniment). It goes something like:

"Oooooooooooooooooooooh - wah - oh - wah - uhh - wayyyyyyyyyy - hayyy - eeeeeeeee - ayyy - eee"

(Repeat 5x, with zero musicality, loud and damn proud)

I think you need to learn how to play trumpet - VERY badly !

Ludwig,

quote:

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What to do? Help me. Please.

---

Isn't Mick on vacation in the U.S. right now? I'm sure he wouldn't mind popping over to have a friendly chat with your unruly neighbo(u)rs. Look what Mick did for Matthew. Before setting him straight, Matthew was a drunken barfly with poor manners and stinky feet. But now he's an upright and respected member of the community -- with feet that smell like roses.

Before a talk with Mick



After a talk with Mick


Joe

Joe

I am back in Swindon.

Yes Matthew is now a nice chap.

I hear that he has become a Magistrate and delivers stern lectures to little toe rags who steal mountain bikes.

I knew he would get there one day.

Regards

Mick

I've found holding people up against a wall by their throat helps people see my perspective on noise real quick, but then obnoxious computer guy from my filing technique is unstoppable is my hero.

Violence is never the preferred solution but I found that when I was playing paddle ball in New York in 1970 with my cousin the threat of it actually worked. There was a teenage yahoo straight out of an American sitcom watching us, cat-calling, slagging us, screaming, and generally being an obnoxious twat, and making everybody uncomfortable. I gently walked over to him and whispered into his ear "If you don't get tae fuck I'll stick my fuckin boot up yer fuckin balls" and although I'm not sure he fully understood my fairly polite Glasgow accent he obviously got enough to make him scarper. I seemed to be quite a star as my gorgeous cousin and her equally gorgeous friends (at 15, a year younger than I) thought I was just wonderful. Sadly as the product of an all boys school I was unable to detect the positive signs or I may have lost my V a year or two before I did.

"Sadly as the product of an all boys school I was unable to detect the positive signs or I may have lost my V a year or two before I did."

[Cough] quite, and one would hope that it wouldn't have been with that "gorgeous cousin" of yours How incestuous!

It makes me think of a track by Steely Dan from their Two against Nature album.



Regards,

Steve.

AG - LOL.

Mick - good to see you back, sir.

Ludwig - best play Back in Black at high volumes, lots of motorhead, especially when they're doing the stuff you might be tempted to record. It'll help you, at least. They'll likely be too distracted to notice your poor taste in taunting music. Anyways, what's "Permiscuous?

regards

Rico - SM/Mullet Audio

Per, pre, por, pro. Got it!

I'm considering variants of Nick's ideas (though I need a recording device). Help me hone them- keep the recs coming!

La la la, la... la!

quote:

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Originally posted by Ludwig:
1) A permiscuous young dreadlocked (white hippy) lady who enjoys regular romps with an ever-changing cast of characters (see miscreants- above) and REALLY loud D&B, and

2) A pathetic singer/songwriter who sounds like a Scott Weiland Unplugged(tm) wannabe with a voice as flat as a floorboard yet balls like melons (he sings way too loud, too proud, and too often given his awful voice). Actually... it could be Scott Weiland himself!

What to do? Help me. Please.

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Here's my advice:

1) If she's tidy then start shagging her yourself so at least you won't then have the "miscreants" about the place.

2) Work out how and where you're going to dispose of the body (Forensic Detective tv programs are good for tips according to my wife) then perform a service to humanity and remove him from the gene pool.

quote:

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Originally posted by Mekon:
I've found holding people up against a wall by their throat helps people see my perspective on noise real quick

---

Back in my apartment dwelling days I used that technique on several occasions, with a 100% success rate. I don't tend to have a short fuse but I never took it kindly when some arsehole woke my kids up by putting his stereo on loud after returning home from the pub pissed in the early hours.

Since anyone as feeble-looking as I would be ignored if they threatened violence, I have in the past been forced to adopt more extreme measures such as politely and apologetically explaining that their delightful music is disturbing me due to my absurdly sensitive ears, and asking them to be quieter.

Sometimes they become quieter, somtimes they threaten you...

If you want to improve your chances of the former happening, I imagine it would help to become an expert on Drum and Bass and music-in-the-style-of Scott Weiland Unplugged(tm) before approaching these neighbours.

I threw away $1000,000 yesterday, honnist, and Windows XP pro is definately not for daft Englishmen, it's for Jocks.

Fritz von Yeecanniesaythatt'meyercanniesaythatt'me

err....why not move out?

-- woody

err... we have these things called "leases" here.

Ludders,

Fight fire with fire. Get a huge subwoofer and a copy of Digital Undergrounds 'The Humpty Dance':

"My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee."

Classic.

Dan

Love it!

Actually I don't. I have many neighbors with boom-boom slammed Hondas and they piss me off. I don't want to be one of them.

I suggest fighting fire with fire.

To deal with your neighbours, I suggest a long large dose of melody-free, VERY bass-heavy music.

I recommend the following:

EARTH - Earth 2 (Special Low Frequency Version) (Sub Pop 1993)

TOMAS KONER – Nunatak Gungamoor (Barooni 1990); Teimo (Barooni 1992); Permafrost (Barooni 1993)

MAIN - anything

Played sufficiently loudly, these will cause your irritating neighbours' flats to shake, and, hopefully, their intestines to liquefy.

The girl, if she has dreadlocks and is white, will be going through a phase (probably to piss off her parents and prove to her family how "edgy" she is). Eventualy she will meet a preppie or yuppie, fall in love him and bugger off.

Failing that, could you not lodge a complaint with the leaseholder? Or try, as suggested, a firm request to keep the noise down which, if not complied with, will result in (to quote Beau Geste), "battle, murder and sudden death"?

Kevin (Harmonia: Deluxe)

I have done this and it works..

Buy one of those new age wildlife recordings (whale noises in my case). These are supposed to soothe you in times of stress, make you feel at one with nature etc. Played quietly in the background that is.

Put CD on system, turn volume up to nosebleed levels and go out for a few hours..
Repeat as necessary until they get the picture.

When you say he is outside - do you mean he is on the street doing this? If so, surely you could find a convienient window so you could piss on him.
Failing that, you need to approach him and say "Hey, you sound just like Scott Weiland" and then every time you hear him, bang on his door and say "Hey, you sound just like Scott Weiland". Eventually he will get so freaked out that he will either hide from you, keeping quiet as a mouse, or he will move out as soon as he can.
In my experience, it is better to be the nutter.
...otherwise kill them both.
Are you scared now? Tell you what...I'm coming over - I'm just around the corner..

quote:

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Originally posted by JeremyD:
Since anyone as feeble-looking as I would be ignored if they threatened violence, I have in the past been forced to adopt more extreme measures such as politely and apologetically explaining that their delightful music is disturbing me due to my absurdly sensitive ears, and asking them to be quieter.

Sometimes they become quieter, somtimes they threaten you...

---

JeremyD,

Welcome to my world....

As to the rest of the reponses, luvverly...

Regards,

JonR

Violence isn't the answer and I'm afraid loud music won't work as my woofers are a mere 5". But annoying music at moderate volume may do the trick. Or my buddy's Brazilian drums (the ones played in the streets, seemingly producing 120 dB).

Algers and Rasher- You're twisted little monkeys. I love it!

Well, it's 12:10 AM and I can't sleep. Why?

Some woman has been screaming at her boyfriend the past hour because he's been fucking another woman (no, not my other neighbor). Now the loud crying peppered with an occassional expletive has begun.

What a show tonight. It started with spanking sounds and ended with some yelping and moaning.

Then it started all over again.

Oh my.