Ideas For TV Programmes

How anout a kids show:

"The Magical Kingdom Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator".

Best Regards,
Mark Dunn

...And that will be replaced by a twenty six part series, The Animal Kingdom Under Your Celebrity Washing Machine. Each week it will investigate the complex eco-system of spiders, smaller spiders and even smaller spiders in the five millimetre gap under a celebrity's washing machine. Half of each episode will feature an interview with the celebrity owner of that week's washing machine, and will feature insightful questions such as, "I bet you didn't expect there'd be that many bugs under there, eh?".

Funny you should mention that. I've just heard about a new "reality" series in the god ole USofA where a 16 year old who has or is about to give birth to an unwanted baby puts a bunch of seedless couples who are desperate to adopt through the ringer. The winner gets the sprog. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, they get MUCH worse.

How about Celebrity Rectum. A panel of proctologists has to match 5 megastars with movies of their large intestines.

Or Extreme Cruelty. Celebrity presenters dressed up as policemen, surgeons etc, break the news to unwitting victims that their loved ones have perished in grizzly circumstances. Much merriment follows as disguises are removed and camera crews revealed.

Or Antiques Taverna. The public is invited to bring their precious(es) to a Greek restaurant for "appraisal".

Celebrity farting competition for me. Instant sacking for a follow through

Minky I love you. I'm writing EXTREME CRUELTY as we speak.

How about a reality show where all the hosts of reality shows are abandoned on a desert island run by Donald Trump, are in turns forced to wear his hairpiece, and the winner gets to host the next reality survivor show.

The show will be called HI-FI SURVIVOR

Groups of sad males with no lives are left in a loft with various bits of hifi stuff (like the one on that thread of yours about the worst VFM system) and have to tweak their way to the next round.

Drill instructors (actually Richard Dane and Paul Stephenson in disguise) will randomly humiliate the contestants.

The ghood looking girl from the Naim factory will prance around taking the guys out on dates looking for a partner she can work with on the cable shaking machine.

Losers will be sent home with a Bose as a consolation prize.

Joe90

We don't need new ideas. There is this awful tendency to treat the viewer as a moron with a tiny attention span, and make programmes 'Bigger - Louder - Faster', with increasingly outrageous behaviour and language.

'Hell's Kitchen' is a depressing example.

Lamentable!

We need quality drama, documentaries and good comedy without bloody canned laughter. That really pisses me off. If it's funny, I'll do my own laughing thanks.

'The Office' was suitably free of a laughter track, and thus treated the audience with some respect.

Canned laughter should have died with such shite as 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em' and 'Are You Being Served'.

Oh J.N you're far too serious and intelligent for this thread!

Hells Kitchen
Where Naim Forum guests, in 30 minutes, have to ruin - sorry modify a standard piece of equipment to the best of their ability. It is then returned to the factory for listening, laughing and then converted back to standard.
Martin

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin D:
Hells Kitchen
Where Naim Forum guests, in 30 minutes, have to ruin - sorry modify a standard piece of equipment to the best of their ability. It is then returned to the factory for listening, laughing and then converted back to standard.
Martin

---

The host is of course, Mick Parry

Cheers

Mike

Sorry Mick but just couldn't resist saying it.

What about a programme where illegal immigrant dole scoungers compete to play thier stolen highly modified hi-fi systems so loudly that thier chav neighbours send thier illiterate children round to complain, but via a circuit of gravel and cinder tracks on 1960s butcher bikes, with mongrel dogs in the front mounted baskets, with the loser being sent on a years free conscription in a non-specific middle east war zone..... (fades into incoherence..)

Who needs reality when you have this forum?

DS

OTD - Thomas Dolby - One of our submarines is missing (Hardfloor mix)

Sorry Joe. I realise that the thread is intended as a bit of a laugh, but the state of current TV is a pet hate (and I can see it getting worse!)

How about 'Fashion - Cook - Garden - Shoot'?

Idiots held up as 'Gurus' in these departments; (who decide what's in and what's out) could be lined up and shot.

I'd watch that!

I'm told that garden decking won't be fashionable for much longer!

Oh; and "My dear - that polished wooden flooring is sooooooooooooo 2004 - get some nice carpet in here".

quote:

---

Originally posted by J.N.:
Sorry Joe. I realise that the thread is intended as a bit of a laugh, but the state of current TV is a pet hate (and I can see it getting worse!)

---

Look on the bright side. The more crap the bastards chuck at us, the more we have to run for the cover of our aftermarketsupercharged Naim systems. When I do watch TV these days I tend to watch Discovery, The History Channel, National Geographic or UK TV and interestingly, a lot of people I know seem to be doing the same thing. I assume that the current deluge of "reality" TV is being driven by a deluge of demand, but ..

Obviously I don't live in the "real" world. In my world there would be programs like Reverse Extreme Makeover where physically flawless people undergo a six stage reconstruction process :

1) Face : Surgically deconstructed. Huge angry purple proboscis; nasal, ear and forehead hair implants; boils to neck and chin. Target : to resemble a Warthog crossed with a Yeti.

2) Eyes : Retinas steamed. Cokebottle glasses prescribed for near clinical blindness.

3) Teeth : Chipped and blackened for that "Ooarr me hearties" pirate look.

4) Body : As we all know, body weight is a product of input vs output and "you are what you eat", so : A carefully balanced regime of zero exercise and a diet of pies deep-fried in whale blubber. Target : Orson Wells with scurvy.

5) Hair : Caked in a blend of cheddar&avocado smoothie and minced bumble bees.

6) Clothes : Hesian pajamas. Effect : Escaped Victorian convict with manic itching.

The object of all this is that there are a vast number of beautiful people out there living tortured empty lives. As they drift along on their coke-fuelled clouds from catwalk to uber-party to super-yacht, they are tortured by the realisation that they will never know the joy of being loved IN SPITE OF THEIR LOOKS; for WHO they are not WHAT they are. First episode : Paris Hilton is reverse engineered into a bush-beast reminiscent of a hairy Helen Clark with a cleft palate.

Seems like UKTV already has the answer to this question. The British public is finally getting what it deserves:Watching Paint Dry I thought this was what TV was all about anyway.

What about EXTREME NAIM FORUM SURVIVOR CELEBRITY AMERICAN IDOL

Michael Jackson, George W. Bush, the English Guy off American Idol, Tara the supermodel, Britney Spears and Ice Cube are all given Naim systems on a desert island, have to go out on dates with each other, and once a week get to slag each other's Naim system off on the Forum.
Gradually all forms of bigotry and political extremes will be addressed, but eventually will just devolve into a 'Fuck you' "No sir, Fuck you cause you're ugly'.

At this point an extreme makeover will be given to the survivors and they'll have to start singing and dancing their way into the next round.

Of course a Bose/Meridian/Shahainian system will be given to the losers.

Joe90, Minky, your contributions to this thread deserve a snappy.

The minkster said:

quote:

---

When I do watch TV these days I tend to watch Discovery, The History Channel, National Geographic or UK TV and interestingly, a lot of people I know seem to be doing the same thing. I assume that the current deluge of "reality" TV is being driven by a deluge of demand, but ..

---

Err Minky me old china, what you're talking about is the joining of the parenthood circle - where we no longer go out for the foreseeable future, and so watch more telly in an attempt to retain some connection with the world. It is noteworthy that the discovery channel etc will only serve to connect you with the breeding habits of the west african hyena, a termite farm in tashkant, and the north american butterfly migration; to retain any sense of connection with your former pre-parenthood real world, you will need viewing opportunities with folks chatting "naturally" in bars - Coronation Street might suffice.

It could also be that any news reporting down here has a sort of dumbed-down stranger-than-fiction quality -especially anything to do with politics, or even rugby. Actually, come to think of it the rugby reporting is usually blessed by a greater standard of investigative journalism than 60mins down here. Whatever happened to Ian Wishart?

But I digress. Ditch the tele antenna, get a spur for yer hifi!

Additional ideas for television?

re-runs of the young ones.
re-runs of filthy rich and catflap.
Dirty Harry movies.
The making of Dirty Harry movies.
Celebrity Dirty Harry.
Fly-on-the-wall handycam remakes of Dirty Harry movies.
Cultural arty critiques with star panellists, and a few academics who really do know a thing or two about movies, dissecting the real meaning of each scene in each of the dirty harry movies.
More beer ads.
More prescription drug adverts - only with a rule that they had to be written, directed, and edited by 5 year olds.

Hmmm - guess that's why I'm not running TVNZ, or BBC.

Rico - SM/Mullet Audio

For my sins I do admit to watching a couple of the popular soap operas on TV. For decades the success of these programs has relied on their (admittedly tenuous) ability to make the viewers beleive they are following the real lives of people in Manchester/London/Yorkshire etc.

A recent downturn in their appeal for me is that every time a new character appears they are invariably already a 'celebrity'! Coronation Street is fast becoming a rest home for terminally shite caberet acts.

Are we so 'celebrity' obsessed that eventually all acting roles will go to previously known faces? It must really piss off serious character actors who also audition for these parts. I suppose Stella Street prophesised this trend.

Jonathan

How about "A Question of Cheese", or to pinch an idea from Alan Partridge "Monkey Tennis".

This is always a fun game but bear in mind that Charlie Booker will always win.

Matthew

Rico TV

"Think you can service my LP12, Punk?"

Hells Kitchen 2. Bunch of cannibals spend a week cooking selected parts of Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, AWT (large oven needed), Gary Rhodes etc etc and then drizzled with the essence of Nigella Lawson.

Yummy.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stevie Dempster:
Hells Kitchen 2. Bunch of cannibals spend a week cooking selected parts of Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, AWT (large oven needed), Gary Rhodes etc etc and then drizzled with the essence of Nigella Lawson.

---

Just the gravy for me please.

mmm....the essence of Nigella Lawson.

I just can't get over her name...