True Truths 5¼
Posted by: Berlin Fritz on 09 October 2005
Can't be having any of those half truths bandying about, now can we Chaps?quote:Originally posted by Deane F:
Novel?
Don't you mean "nobel"?
That's a novel way of putting it mate, is it Kiwi slang for pre-emtive aqgressive prose?
I've just watched the Simpsons episode where Marj becomes a cop (first time) and bloody funny actually it was too, though I was pretty surprised to learn that they have to train for a whole weekend before getting their badge, I mean Why so long? 
quote:Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:quote:Originally posted by Deane F:
Novel?
Don't you mean "nobel"?
That's a novel way of putting it mate, is it Kiwi slang for pre-emtive aqgressive prose?
Interesting spellin if I may say so mesen!!!
Have you ever watched queues of peas? if the table tilts yer right buggered, fork or knife 
A Great Place To Get Away From It All, Innit !!!:
A Great Place To Get Away From It All, Innit !!!:
What would I do without you Nime me old pork pie scoffer? though was not said faulty mirror wrongly ground due to different measurements being used by various departments, a case of Whitworth against Metric, if you will, and eventually brilliantly corrected some years after by using a smaller jobby to offset the original mistook? Though it's fantabulous to see so many budding Patrick Moores on this forum all the same, innit
P.S. I wonder if when Our Mick whinges about the quality of the Draught Brasso this evening and the not cleaned enough properly pipes it'll be a case of "Complainting a Lodge?"
P.S. I wonder if when Our Mick whinges about the quality of the Draught Brasso this evening and the not cleaned enough properly pipes it'll be a case of "Complainting a Lodge?"
Nice motors, my brother had one called Nancy, innit 
I'm afraid my only mechanical experience is with marine engines and outboard motors John, not a lot of call for brake pads and stuff with them, anchors away though, innit, Our Deano
P.S. Don't forget to keep yer birds indoors !
P.S. Don't forget to keep yer birds indoors !
quote:Originally posted by Yeldarb:
In my youth in the North East, I would ask for a paper, in rural Shropshire it was "once", "twice" etc. Over here you ask for a fish supper.
How do you ask for your fish and chips in your favourite chippy?
Lot's of Wally's in London mainly
Nime, me old pea-fritter muncher, I watched quite an interesting Danish filum last night called 'En Kaerlighedhistorie' or 'Kira' for short from 2001, reminded me 'unfortunately' of a few girls I've met here in Berlin, nutty as bleedin fruitcakes, innit
P.S. I bet Our Mick's well happy with the shicanery presently occurring with his Post Office pension, some £250 Million being messed around with at the last count I fear, Ah well, that's yer free market for yers, and if I'm just making it up, there's nothing for him and his poorer colleagues to worry about is there! though of course in the future the German taxpayer won't be baling them out after privatisation next year, when the funds managers have scarpered after the usual 'predictable' fuck-ups, and Why? 'Because they can'! 'just like Rover' and just like the Chancellor is now hiding PFI figures as part of his national equations & (exactly what brought Down Dubya's mates at Enron in case you've forgotten) innit
Woops!
An enterprising ex-sericeman 'Alf' used to drive a fish & chips van around the Spandau area here in the 80's (mainly Brits there) and cashed in big-style, with the locals loving them too. My ex Boss would bark out "Cod & Chips x 10 at the Double" (retd Col) Magic, when he was paying. Alf had to stop later though, through lack of custom, and the stringent local laws about driving vehicles around with gallons of boiling fat on board came into force, though his fixed pitch did a treat at weekends, even against the dreaded Berlin Kebab or Curry Wurst.
Whenever the Brits did an open/friendship day in different parts of the British Sector, the mile long queues for the Catering Corps fish & chips were legendary, those lads just did not have a break for up to ten hours sometimes. It really was good crack though, and relaxed, especially after the copious can-count of cider that was consumed for medical porpoises to-boot, wunnit
P.S. I usually make my own now, and I expect if the Chief is really lucky I might even let him into the secret of my special batter mix one day too Pomm-Fritz indeed
Whenever the Brits did an open/friendship day in different parts of the British Sector, the mile long queues for the Catering Corps fish & chips were legendary, those lads just did not have a break for up to ten hours sometimes. It really was good crack though, and relaxed, especially after the copious can-count of cider that was consumed for medical porpoises to-boot, wunnit
P.S. I usually make my own now, and I expect if the Chief is really lucky I might even let him into the secret of my special batter mix one day too
Pomm-Fritz indeed I vaguely recall a rather dangerous episode in the past after having a skinfull in Glasgows Vicky, my friend and I hit the chippy queue (keeping quiet too) I eventually tried to order sausage in batter & chips much to the disbelief of the over-worked-highly-stressed young 'lady' behind the counter who promptly shouted at the top of her voice 'That's haggis yer fuckin bampot' 'How many d'yer want then?'.
Got the goods and scarpered smartish
Got the goods and scarpered smartish
I suppose when one considers that the land of the free & the brave has around 40 million residents who can hardly read nor write, and that there are more black people actually in prison today, than in college, and that nearby poor neighbour Cuba has 100% literacy, it makes yer wonder really, dunnit? 
P.S. I usually put cider/apple vinegar on my chips these days (old Grannie recipe for cutting down uric acid :ie Gout & arthritis)
must be taken regularly over a long period though. Sarsons can be got here too (malt vinegar contravene´s the ancient 'Wonderful' beer purity law as it's brewed) though it's rare, and I've always put fresh lemon juice on the fish, & i Is ä'gettin quite peckish the noo, innit?
N.B. To send a standard letter anywhere in Europe via Deutsche Post costs €0,55
P.S. I usually put cider/apple vinegar on my chips these days (old Grannie recipe for cutting down uric acid :ie Gout & arthritis)
must be taken regularly over a long period though. Sarsons can be got here too (malt vinegar contravene´s the ancient 'Wonderful' beer purity law as it's brewed) though it's rare, and I've always put fresh lemon juice on the fish, & i Is ä'gettin quite peckish the noo, innit?
N.B. To send a standard letter anywhere in Europe via Deutsche Post costs €0,55
This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes). The irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much.... Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms. Be warned there are rude connotations here....
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters. Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. & Mist all chucking frighty!!! and said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. " Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.
Can This Really Be The New Bond !!!
& Two Liver Dinners to go too Wack
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters. Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. & Mist all chucking frighty!!! and said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. " Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.
Can This Really Be The New Bond !!!
& Two Liver Dinners to go too Wack
TONY'S TOY POLICEMEN
In pursuit of "New" Labour's crackdown on yobs, Tony Blair's favourite elected mayor Sir Robin Wales, boss of Newham council in east London, had a brilliant idea last year. He and his sidekick Cllr Ian 'antisocial' Corbett, set up their own 38-strong borough-wide "police" force - manned by Newham's former parks wardens. They wear second hand police uniforms, indistinguishable from the real thing, have a blue flashing light on their van and stop, search and question suspects. Some - illegally - carry handcuffs and batons. In another authentic touch, black and Asian "constables" have accused their white colleagues and managers of racism. But wearing a police uniform does not turn a park attendant whose duties have not previously extended much beyond picking up litter into a police officer - especially as there is virtually no training.
The "constables" and "sergeants" (who report to an "inspector") fall into two groups: the original park attendants, who are scared witless at being called to attend incidents across the Borough, where they risk abuse and assault; and a gung-ho group of newer recruits who fancy themselves swaggering around in uniform and sorting out yobs. Few, if any, are of the calibre required of a genuine police officer. Legally they have no more power to arrest or question a suspect than any other member of the public, but the man or woman in the street is not to know that. So far the whole pantomime has cost £1.4m - enough to put 30 real police on the streets.
When curious concerns about the "force" surfaced earlier this year, Newham's chief executive "Dave" Burbage relunctently commissioned a report from the Boroughs former head of legal, Amanda Kelly. Her damning report is now being considered by Newham's cabinet. "The constabulary has begun to function more like a private police force than a council service," concludes Kelly. There is "an almost total lack of management systems and procedures.... and the council and its officers are vunerable to allegations of corruption because of perceptions that contractors are used because they are known to the managers...recruitment practice is poor....lack of basic management systems....communication with staff is poor, sometimes non-existent...staff morale is low..." Only a complete overhaul of the management would turn things around, says Kelly, although she doesn't recommend scrapping the scheme.
Meanwhile many Asian women in the borough are so terrified of youths who shout racist slogans and throw dog excrement at them that they are afraid to go into Newham's parks - where there are hardly any wardens on duty because they're all off somewhere else, playing at coppers.
P.Eye Issue 1143 (oct 2005):
P.S. This could of course have all been made up, and is total fabrication? just like today's ripping off in the high court by the government of thousands of private small railtrack share-holders who'd invested their savings, willing to take a risk, under the normal playing rules of the stock market, but guess who went and 'illegally' moved the goal posts, so now they have lost all & everything ? (those are my opinions)
Must be that Free Market everybody keeps talking about at lodge meetings, many of who'm on the square also no doubt lost out, never mind, innit !!!
Talking Of Drugs !!!
P.P.S.
Just to remind the 1 person who may be at all interested in the above article 'Newham' comes under the auspices of Sir Ian Blairs Met, so do you think he maybe missed it in the rush then John?
In pursuit of "New" Labour's crackdown on yobs, Tony Blair's favourite elected mayor Sir Robin Wales, boss of Newham council in east London, had a brilliant idea last year. He and his sidekick Cllr Ian 'antisocial' Corbett, set up their own 38-strong borough-wide "police" force - manned by Newham's former parks wardens. They wear second hand police uniforms, indistinguishable from the real thing, have a blue flashing light on their van and stop, search and question suspects. Some - illegally - carry handcuffs and batons. In another authentic touch, black and Asian "constables" have accused their white colleagues and managers of racism. But wearing a police uniform does not turn a park attendant whose duties have not previously extended much beyond picking up litter into a police officer - especially as there is virtually no training.
The "constables" and "sergeants" (who report to an "inspector") fall into two groups: the original park attendants, who are scared witless at being called to attend incidents across the Borough, where they risk abuse and assault; and a gung-ho group of newer recruits who fancy themselves swaggering around in uniform and sorting out yobs. Few, if any, are of the calibre required of a genuine police officer. Legally they have no more power to arrest or question a suspect than any other member of the public, but the man or woman in the street is not to know that. So far the whole pantomime has cost £1.4m - enough to put 30 real police on the streets.
When curious concerns about the "force" surfaced earlier this year, Newham's chief executive "Dave" Burbage relunctently commissioned a report from the Boroughs former head of legal, Amanda Kelly. Her damning report is now being considered by Newham's cabinet. "The constabulary has begun to function more like a private police force than a council service," concludes Kelly. There is "an almost total lack of management systems and procedures.... and the council and its officers are vunerable to allegations of corruption because of perceptions that contractors are used because they are known to the managers...recruitment practice is poor....lack of basic management systems....communication with staff is poor, sometimes non-existent...staff morale is low..." Only a complete overhaul of the management would turn things around, says Kelly, although she doesn't recommend scrapping the scheme.
Meanwhile many Asian women in the borough are so terrified of youths who shout racist slogans and throw dog excrement at them that they are afraid to go into Newham's parks - where there are hardly any wardens on duty because they're all off somewhere else, playing at coppers.
P.Eye Issue 1143 (oct 2005):
P.S. This could of course have all been made up, and is total fabrication? just like today's ripping off in the high court by the government of thousands of private small railtrack share-holders who'd invested their savings, willing to take a risk, under the normal playing rules of the stock market, but guess who went and 'illegally' moved the goal posts, so now they have lost all & everything ? (those are my opinions)
Must be that Free Market everybody keeps talking about at lodge meetings, many of who'm on the square also no doubt lost out, never mind, innit !!!
Talking Of Drugs !!!
P.P.S.
Just to remind the 1 person who may be at all interested in the above article 'Newham' comes under the auspices of Sir Ian Blairs Met, so do you think he maybe missed it in the rush then John?
quote:
Originally posted by Yeldarb:
In my youth in the North East, I would ask for a paper, in rural Shropshire it was "once", "twice" etc. Over here you ask for a fish supper.
How do you ask for your fish and chips in your favourite chippy?
"Large Cod & 2 Chips please John, 3 saveloys, 2 sausages in batter, 4 pineapple fritters, 2; No! make that 3 scallops, 6 pickled onions, and 3 medium Wally's, Oh, and a bottle of Tizer as well, to go "
"Will that be all mate?"
"Yeah, that'll do for now Son, the Chiefs on a diet, ain't yer kidder!!!"
"I'll hold off on the pea fritter's I reckon as I need to cut down a bit for later, as we're checking out a new Ruby Joint after watchin the game daan the boozer, innit"
You think I'm joking don't yer's?
N.B.
Of course cats easily forget, and people easily forget, then it's not long at all until the madness starts all over again
Listening to an old Christmas radio interview tape of the Fab Four after a really Gear Year earlier, Our John starts off by saying, "Hello! this is John speaking with his voice" and when I thought about it afterwards, it would seem pretty likely I reckon that's how he ordered his fish & chips as well, innit!!!
Originally posted by Yeldarb:
In my youth in the North East, I would ask for a paper, in rural Shropshire it was "once", "twice" etc. Over here you ask for a fish supper.
How do you ask for your fish and chips in your favourite chippy?
"Large Cod & 2 Chips please John, 3 saveloys, 2 sausages in batter, 4 pineapple fritters, 2; No! make that 3 scallops, 6 pickled onions, and 3 medium Wally's, Oh, and a bottle of Tizer as well, to go "
"Will that be all mate?"
"Yeah, that'll do for now Son, the Chiefs on a diet, ain't yer kidder!!!"
"I'll hold off on the pea fritter's I reckon as I need to cut down a bit for later, as we're checking out a new Ruby Joint after watchin the game daan the boozer, innit"
You think I'm joking don't yer's?
N.B.
Of course cats easily forget, and people easily forget, then it's not long at all until the madness starts all over again
Listening to an old Christmas radio interview tape of the Fab Four after a really Gear Year earlier, Our John starts off by saying, "Hello! this is John speaking with his voice" and when I thought about it afterwards, it would seem pretty likely I reckon that's how he ordered his fish & chips as well, innit!!!
quote:Originally posted by Ed Tringali:
I can't really see myself watching video on it but apparently Apple has uncrippled it's recording abiility. Have a look at this.
http://www.engadget.com/entry/1234000593063338/
The black one sure looks good. White is so tiresome.
Isn't modern technology simply amazing these days !!!
I didn't know that Eldridge Pope was a Serial Killer, though he probably improved with age, innit?
Should Katie Moss be allowed to become a future Cabinet Mistress?