Satan & Jesus Are Brothers:

quote:

Originally posted by joe90:

quote:

Fritz Von Jesus was a Palestinian Jew going by most accounts

Actually he lived AS and AMONG Jews, but was NOT a Jew (nor was he a gentile) - he is the only begotten Son of God.

Most accounts barring Our Joe's of course*



Fritz Von You're making it up as you go along John*


Bloke I knew got beaten to a pulp once after trying to defend his girlfriend in a disco, he returned later and severely twatted two of the Chaps outside with a cricket bat, nice result though, cos he was on thingy for a driving offence already (speeding) he got 18 months in the nick for GBH and had to pay compensation too*

It's called thicko bouncer-hero de-escalation syndrome Our Bruce, obvious innit* I wonder when the oncoming British Census comes into to play if Our Mick rather pays the £1000 fine than being truthful about his income, amongst other highly personal questions required to be answered by er, Law?


Fritz Von My old cricket bat wielding jonnie was a Royal Marine by the way (I don't know if he was naked though).

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
Fritz Von Jesus was a Palestinian Jew going by most accounts, and although I maintain that being also an Angel/Son of God, Satan was/is his brother, I'd decline to referring to him as part of any religious group through fear of being accused of both blasphemy and possibly inciting Gutter Press-esque supposition, which quickly become fact in many people's eyes resulting in innocent, uncharged folk going to jail in the UK*

You can't win, even with just the Christians. Some of these maintain that Jesus was the Son of God, but also a human being; others that he was/is the Son of God, a human being, and also one of the persons of the Trinity; some that he was/is the Son of God but *not* a human being. Such theological niceties have led to the torture, imprisonment and death of thousands over the years since Jesus died. Fortunately, Christians, in the UK at least, are mostly of the apathetic tendency and wouldn't be able to hold a proper discussion of the theological differences between (say) Methodism and Unitarianism even if faced with a a sesh on the rack. In the Army in WW1 or 2, anyone who put 'none' as their religion was automaticaly classed as CofE, which is fitting given the amount most Anglicans know or care about Christianity.

Just got back from the old Home Improvements thingy, talk about a bleedin mortgage for the property, yer needs one for the materials too, innit, coupla bits of wallpaper, plaster, and this and that, and I'm less three cases of Bud for the weekend, it's a scandal so it is*


Fritz Von Our Andy John! You're neck-sticking out of in that thread was exactly what the individual concerned wanted to justify his obvious penchent for violence*


Just go through his P-Cell threads passim, he's more af a nutter than me*


I ain't sayin nuffin though!

quote:

Ok,
I'll stick me neck out...
1. The attendance of the police in this issue, based on these facts alone, leaves a bit to be desired. However, it will be interesting to see the full incident log - go and ask to speak to the station inspector and ask for an investigation as to what happened and why, you are entitield to know. Oh, and don't come back with some crap about you won't find out because this type of complaint will be recorded etc...

2. In relation to self defence, the CPS initially would decide if there were a case to answer, due to the obvious level of injuries caused - then it would be for a court to decide on the plea of self defence

3. If you think you should be allowed to dispense justice, and the law back 'that' up, then in those circs IMO the law would indeed be an ass!

Please note I am not commenting on this particular incident, as I am not in full posession of the facts.

andy c!

Fritz,

i think I've been careful enough here...

I watched a particularly nasty joint Swedish/German Thriller last night on the box which really made me wonder, innit* The plot was quite reasonable for once, with an ex younger member of the Jim Jones Cult from the 70's starting up again in er, Sweden's remote countryside* Horrible start where, he lures in a group of swans (nearing winter) in marshland with thier favourite yummy food and while they're scoffing adroitly sprays high octane fuel over them. Chucks a flare at them and films them burning whilst flying away, pretty naughty stuff indeed, and the plot thickens. It'd avctually make a bloody good feature filum with a few changes here and there and a bit more reality (Why do coppers investigating always go around in pairs of Chief Inspectors etc, even Dalziel D Superintendant and Inspector Andy must cost a fortune in the real world, where a CSO is not to be found after 18:00Hrs?


Fritz Von Just been mega nosebag shpping and for some odd reason I got me some lovely frying bangers, which I'll soon knock up with fresh garlic, onions, and my fave chilie sauce from LA, I wonder what made me suddenly go for bangers then?


Bloody Forums eh?


Drambui's always good Our Adam*

quote:

Originally posted by andy c:

quote:

Well I did lose 2 buttons off my shirt.

Mmm....

You'd think that with the impressive array of Naim kit that the honourable member professes to possess he'd be able to afford a decent seamless catsuit wouldn't you!



Fritz Von Naturally with the logo "Watch out. i Is well ard & I'm mates wiv Rebbecca Waydes husband too, innit" adorned across the flexing pre- dumped adrenalin chest*


Do Bouncers have licences then Our Andy?

Should the insurance industry be banned from blackmailing people & companys into installing CCTV or else?



Fritz Von Just the same as the old 'One off insurance' jobbie insisted upon by banks when getting a loan I reckon*

Sheer Con Men³

Golly! These sausages smell marvellous*



Fritz Von Should Our Fredders be allowed back into the UK from Poland, now that Norway is and never has been EU?



Brrrp:


P.S. Enjoyed watching Sir Bernhard Ingham last night (A Fellow I strangely enough have a lot of time for, considering his murkey past)*

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Senor Mick agreed with me actually!

I was truly amazed (Honest) watching a report last week on BBC Sports relating to a British Pro Boxer (with a great record to-date) who has a serious booze problem!


Fritz Von I know footballers etc, etc, but a top notch boxer (in form) that really did knock the stuffin out of me t'be sure*



I Concur!

Well done Rolf Harris, A Great Bloke, and an inspiration to kids everywhere as well as members of this Forum*



Fritz Von Can yer guess who I really am yet?

quote:

Do Bouncers have licences then Our Andy?

Doorstaff for pubs are registered, around my way.

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available
position on the
Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the
three of them and
said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled
out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a
picture, and said, "To
be
a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must
be able to notice
things such as distinguishing features and oddities,
such as scars and
so
forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first
blonde and
withdrew
it after about two seconds.

"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing
features about this
man
?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only
one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he
has only one eye
in
this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're
dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the
office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck
the photo in her
face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What
about you? Notice
anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
"Didn't you hear
what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of
the man's face!
Of
course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.


The detective turned his attention to the third and
last blonde and
said,
"This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed
the photo in her
face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
"All right, did
you
notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this
man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact
lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the
picture and began
looking
at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled _expression
and said, "You're
absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How
in the world
could
you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo!
With only one eye
and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Fritz Von They'll be having Lord Gnome on Sky News next, God Forbid!!!



Who the Fuck is Tank Abbott when she's at home?


What absolute mindless Twaddle trying to justify using excess force on an undercover copper in the street*

quote:

Originally posted by andy c:

quote:

Do Bouncers have licences then Our Andy?

Doorstaff for pubs are registered, around my way.

Yes, but registered what! Our Andy?

Now I know what Our Deano was on about at larfin at KIWI facts from 100 years afore, especially if yer wanna play Rugga and yer Grannie was actually yer Great Grannie!


Fritz Von First ever Jehovas Witness bird knocked on my door in 1982 (here) I'd just left the shower opened the door,let my towel drop and invited her in, second (and last) time was about 3 years ago whilst jogging in the local park, and two suited heros actually stopped me mid stride (they really wished they hadn't) such Mormonic (sorry Moronic) arrogance deserves only disrespect and a smack in the chops if he'd dared to touch me*



God Be With You My Son* Now Fuck Off daft Gits*

Mind you on this very thread of Satan & Jesus, I'd just like to point out that my own particular comments regarding Jehova's Witnesses refer only to them comin an a 'knockin on my door, innit* Like any other religion, creed, IFA who wants to ram their bullshit in my direction, I simply rebuke them all. I have though had colleagues, know people personally who are actually members of it's ranks, and have always had no problem with them as perfectly normal folk (their are Military & Police folk to name but a few professions members as well).



Fritz Von There are no blacks in their literature and I wonder how they relate to Scientology in the general scheme of things too, because as with both, without regular financial contributions they wouldn't exist, whereas mainstream jobbies RC, COE, COS, FreeMasonry, and PFI are all govt subsidised to the hilt, in either tax releif or other stealth arrangements:* *

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
Mind you on this very thread of Satan & Jesus, I'd just like to point out that my own particular comments regarding Jehova's Witnesses refer only to them comin an a 'knockin on my door, innit* Like any other religion, creed, IFA who wants to ram their bullshit in my direction, I simply rebuke them all.

My viewpoint as well, Fritz. I have no issue with what they or anyone else believe, I just prefer not to have it rammed down my throat on my own doorstep. After all I don't go to their houses and try to persuade them that they should support QPR (just as futile and unrewarding an exercise as theirs) or enjoy a good old british banger every Sunday for breakfast.

Strangely enough quite a few of the partners of folk I've known throughout the years who are prone to get into quite violent situations quite often, and are always blaming somebody else for starting it, are just as exaggeratingly overbearing, nutty and punch drunk as their husbands or whatever are*


FACT:



Fritz Von And then the band played on***


Cops love Domestics don't they Our Andy! especially when the couple involved can bring total outsiders into the argument too*


Doesn't money just seem to melt away these days Chaps?

quote:

Originally posted by Fredrik_Fiske:
Been tp Majdenec Camp today. The second biggest of Hitler's camps...

Fredrik

Well done Our Fredders, you tell em my Son*


Regards,



Fritz Von Don't ask any awkward questions though matey*



P.S. My Mum always said barring the once brilliant (Fuck off Now) which the whole street heard (to much applause) to a couple of JW's as she was in the middle of a domestic argument at the time,"Not today thank you, Goodbye"


Goodbye is optional* and it's all a Statement*

quote:

Originally posted by JWM:

quote:

Originally posted by Polarbear:
Now if he had style he would retire on 10,000 posts and start again

Whereas, whilst not wishing to limit free speech and all, there are those who might say something slightly shorter:

"Now if he had style he would retire on 10,000 posts."

It's quantity not quality John, I assume Parry's been making more of his empty promises again*



Fritz Von I wish I'd said that!

And if yew wanna know der toime ask a Puleeeeecman


Fritz >Von Taken from latest issue*

Fritz Von me old chalky sausage dodger,

Is it possible to have World War one medals restored, like the stripy coloured ribbons replaced?

Beano the rummager

quote:

Originally posted by Beano:
Fritz Von me old chalky sausage dodger,

Is it possible to have World War one medals restored, like the stripy coloured ribbons replaced?

Beano the rummager

I suppose if it was to be done officially the present owner must prove their identity with the paperwork, otherwise by a private specialist, innit*


Fritz Von As you all know the Yanks totally rejected the use of er, Speed camera*s as a Constitutional issue, so it's pretty surprising considering all the tosh thrown about here on the subject that it was never raised, innit?


Starters for 10 then* Go on I dares yers*


When I was driving across France back from Slovenia in a Hong Kong Registered Embassy car non stop, 18 hours without sleep cos I'd forgotten to feed the cat, I thought to mesen, I wish I was in the States now, they don't have all this old shite*

Beano Old Tosh, The Chelsea Hospital might be worth a try bellin John*


Fritz Von I'll ave you Butler*