ID Cards:

Fritz Von Personally, do you like music, do ya'!! Reason I ask is there used to be this German guy named Von Karajan, wore pink tights or something and I think he wrote ballets, wasn't he a nazi?? Anyway Fritz..don't you think those German women are kinda bossy...just a thought...Chos(sp??)...Larry

Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God
read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."



Fritz von Haggers Old Bean, that's probably why thousands of GI's married them innit!


Must be me trackin i reckon?

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God
read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."



Fritz von Haggers Old Bean, that's probably why thousands of GI's married them innit!


Must be me trackin i reckon?

Good Un Fritz.....Larry

It's all a question of timing you see Boyo, innit now!


Fritz von never buy a parrot on HP:

I suppose the real advantage of genuine drug pushers is that they give all the stuff away free at first cos they're so bleedin nice, innit*


Fritz von A bloke was caught today in a Berlin cop shop nicking from the coppers private kit,it was allright though cos it turned out to be one of their own* Never happen in UK fortunately.

Got to be up well early in the moanin, though I'll no doubt enjoy the hammers going at it too, innit*


Goodnight as the French say!

I think Britain's new law stopping people having an automatic right to prevent doctors (etc) taking their deceased loved ones organs for transplant will cause a right old upset, (never mind the Muslims) innit.


Fritz von Have a heart Guv!



Who was surprised at the racist work-permit scheme for the new EU Bulgarians & Romanians being implimented in the UK then?

No! neither was I John:

Good Old Israel, didn't awste any of their valuable time in the last 24 hours + coming up to the er ceasefire did they! (It's gonna be interesting which Pro present Israeli policy fan on here will comment)


Fritz von None will do, as they can't defend it under any argument known to man or International law, it's simply arrogant unashamed destruction of life for the sake of it.

Nothing new there then:


Well done Lord Gnome for sending my last two Eyes which finally arrived today (minus the pathetic excuse for a service that is the Royal Mail.

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.


They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.



President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."


The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese, but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."



President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "It's because it takes place in the future."



Fritz von Oldies but Goldies, innit*

A quite word in your shell-like, if I may, Fritzy old chap...

Iran is not an Arab country.

Right, I'll be orff then!

This is very true Jon-Boy as often mentioned by me on here to no avail (being Indo-European) yet when I pass on an eternal yankee joke (Bush senior, remember) somebody is straight away there to correct the blunder. It's just a shame that for instance in my last post regarding recent Israeli war-crimes (I can't think of another better description to be honest) no comment is made, though I did note (after I'd posted here) that the usual protagonists on the old pink salmon show, follow up with the usual Benjie WWII logic, the media are spreading lies and rubbish (except those we like and take their money from ie €urope when it suits us) and Britain etc did the same in Iraq & Kosovo so that's allright then, though forgot to mention 'when' those things occurred (basically we've got 24 hours ladies & gentlemen) so let's cause as much future chaos death and destruction (usually kids) as we can cos we cannie lay landmines here there and everywhere like we'de like to, end of (no-discussion) as pers usual, I'm right, you're wrong and it will not be otherwise.


Fritz von Jon-Boy I don't in anyway refer to you here dear Chap, just liked yer timin that's all John*


Cheers,


Clusters are real diamonds sometimes. innit*

Fritz,

That's fine, and I'm also aware that timing was never a strong point of mine - that's why I can't tell jokes to save my life!

Look, I'll nail my colours to the mast here and now. I'm Jewish - I've said this before and don't mind admitting it again. I have relatives in Israel although I admit we are not in communication often, if at all. Having said that I am, as you can probably understand, sensitive to Israel's situation, the deeds of its government and also to the need for it to make peace with its neighbours in the region.

Therefore I hope you can understand the extent to which I cannot quite bring myself to refer to the actions of the IDF against Lebanese civilians as war crimes. If you have scrutinised the PFM thread in full, I hope you will note that in my few postings there I have acknowledged that 1000-odd innocent deaths attest to the fact that Israel fought an incompetent war based on out-of-date, faulty and/or probably non-existent intelligence. I can't defend civilian deaths any more than I can attacks on ambulances, but I have also acknowledged that Israel is having to fight a propaganda war as well.

Traditionally I have always been deeply sceptical of repeated claims by the likes of the Board of Deputies of British Jews, our supposed spokespeople in the UK, of media bias against Israel. But lately I have felt it important to at least consider the possibility, particularly in the light of, for instance, the use by Reuters of doctored pictures by the photographer Adnan Hajj, which they then subsequently had to remove.

This is not in any way meant to mitigate the number of deaths that the IDF has caused, although I wonder to what extent a member of Hezbollah is considered a 'civilian' if he puts his weapon away and goes home...

Clearly the whole Israel/Palestinian/Middle East issue is a sore subject for many and there are entrenched attitudes on both sides, which no amount of linking and claim and counter-claim is going to change. The now-deleted thread on here and many threads prior to this, plus the one on PFM right now, attest to this. At the end of the day, negotiation is going to be the key to solving these problems, and that includes, as far as Gaza is concerned and as I also said on PFM, Israel accepting that Hamas holds the views it does.

End of rant/ramble.

Jon-Boy I'm well aware that you're Jewish and non Israeli, I too have good friends there and here many of who'm are Arabs born in Israel and have served their Military duty (like our Mick selling them the British made gear in the first place has too, hopefully not sent by the post office though, innit). Wether one goes around the houses for years condemning all Germans for being nazis (not the tens of thousands of Jews who faught in Verdun though naturally, etc, etc, for the Kaiser along with the Austrian carpet-chewing one.


Fritz von My comments regarding recent middle-east bollocks are clear and I didn't join in the silly threads on here for that very reason of time wasting (my time that is) I refer to the Israeli government (not Jewish as such) or do Arab etc, Knesset members have no real say, though Hizz chaps in Leb govt do?



N.B. My War crime comments refer to Cluster widespread-bombing in the 72 hours leading up to the so-called ceasefire, probably lies as many experts have already maintained of pink salmon thingy, I prefer to believe the BBC reports etc though such is life mate, innit*


Maybe I'm just a mug John!


Do you see me holding back on critcizing UK just cos people I know live in London etc, I think not? Belfast for instance, & those who cry foul in-situ are the real heros as far as I'm concerned and always will be.

Who can spot the odd one out then?


Fritz von Oooh and it makes me wonder!

It's obvious Chaps, it's Wales of course innit:



Fritz von I didn't believe Our Mick at first to be honest when he said he was a member of Mensa long Afore but he's shown us all that he can now differentiate between Boris Jeltsin and Boris Johnstone there's still hope for him yet.



Triple Clotted cream teas allround!

Plans are being made for Nigel too, for anybody with an ounce of nouse


Goodnight*

Let's Just hope it doesn't upset any Falklands heros, innit!


Fritz von I wonder if yer can get Broadband in Beruit these days, or do you have to have Israeli permission first like in Palestine?

I still cannie edit or delete any of my posts if anybody's interested?


Fritz von This means writing even more I suppose then!

quote:

Originally posted by rackkit:
From the Apple instruction manual:

Cleaning your PowerBook

"Shut down your PowerBook and remove the battery. Use a damp, soft, lint-free cloth to clean the computer's exterior. Avoid getting moisture in any openings. Do not spray liquid directly on the computer. Don't use arsehole sprays, solvents or abrasives."


Cleaning your PowerBook display

"Use a clean, soft, lint-free cloth or paper with water only and wipe the screen. Do not spray liquid directly on the screen."

But surely one has to take into consideration the water's temperature, not to mention wether it is hard or soft, and the colour of the cloth
(and where it's produced) as well as the laptop's own hue itself must play an integral part in this intrisically important process John?


Fritz von And don't forget to wash the battery in a baking dish at 300°C to clear it of any unwanted metallic spur elements which can actually alter the size of yer text unwillingly*

I see that versions of The Maddonna and Scream have been found in a Warsaw dustbin then (I mean in Norway, innit) .


Fritz von What a Scam eh?


BBC WS covered an interesting case a few days ago for anybody who's at all at all interested relating to certain US prisons that carry out (Human experimentation) which is frightening to say the least, naturally squaddies (worldwide) are different cos they don't have any rights at all (if a government decides to play games with them, as has been well documented by many lands they will) but prisoners are civilians, innit.


It just isn't fair, is it Our Mick?

Larry King has just aired this stuff, check it out

Well done to the FBI, though it does make one wonder why it didn't happen afore when one sees above programme. So if you consider that some Southern States have only just 'recently' raised the age of consent from er, 14 to 16 (marriage too)(Wymann Why Man?) comes to mind for instance) as in Russia as well strangely enough, well I never, perhaps the oldest Christian Church stepped in eh now it's finding it's roots once again?

I'm sure everybody with a memory has conveninetly forgotten (especially Wiltshire Lad) how Our Maggie allowed two 13 year old British Citizens (girls) to be married on British soil (Iranian/Persian) so as not to upset the deals going on at the time (they were just the known ones) isn't such 'OFFICIAL LEGAL' hypocrisy³ wonderful!


Fritz von Just think if a well minded copper at the time had nicked them, he'd have lost his job/pension and been done for breaking Maggies Law, innit, though you could peacefully demonstrate in Westminster Square in those days I suppose (unlike now without a 7 day licence up front to stop terror naturally) the mind boggles dunnit.

P.S. Non of the above is taken from anywhere else except my imagination (otherwise as per usual I'd quote its source so please ignore all of it, it's pure rubbish and drivel)


I expect Poland will soon be getting its Human Rights regarding Gays soon in order now they're in €urope, innit?

Ireland, Holland & Bavaria have all managed it to a degree so far (you cannie get much more Catholic) so what's Warsaw's excuse then?

Some years back in the 80's it was often well documented during NATO excercises in Germany that yet another Dutch, British or French tank had accidentally demolished yet another one of farmer Fritz's newish barns, etc. All taken with a pinch of salt as has well no doubt happens on Plain Salisbury occassionally too! Farmer Fritz cashed in very nicely thank you (If a German tank had done it they'd be bollocked, it has to be on foreign soil you see). Local papers in West Germany, as well as UK Rags often had a larf & joke over it, so long as nobody was killed (about two a week were though in other accidents relating to large manouvers but that's life innit). I personally think that the recent wanton destruction by Israel had more to do with the future repearartions and dosh coming in from all and sundrie, cos let's face it (in reality) relatively few Lebanese died in comparison to what really would have happenned if they'd gone full out, innit, cluster or not! It all costs big bucks to clear up, and I reckon (my opinion only. you read it here first) is a much much larger scam than the previous one mentioned, though lives would be lost anyway!


Fritz von Did you know that the British MOD is virtually bankrupt?


Ask any Squaddie!

Today, 03:34 AM
bob mccluckie
Living the life of Riley Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,871

Even wirse news. It appears that Humbrol also owned Plasticene! What are the kids gonna do now? Today, 03:34 AM __________________
pink and swimming against the tide


"There's always C4 John!"


Fritz von I ain't sayin nuffink though:

Taken from a recent Pink Salmon Poster wunnit:

The 12 Steps of Alchoholics Anonymous

1)Admitted we were powerless over Alchohol

2) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him

4) Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves

5) Admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

6)Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

7) Humbly asked him to remove all our shortcomings

8) Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

9) Made direct amends to such people whenever possible,except when to do so would injure them or others.

10) Continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong prompltly admitted it

11) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our concious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out

12) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alchoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.............................................PS. Don't do Drugs. Cheers, Larry

And your point Haggers?



Fritz von I can't afford to be an alchoholic unfortunately!