Becoming a dad...

Hello, i think i must be the recent dad you refer to and yes your life is about to have a major shock to its system......but in a nice way.
once he/she is born you will become instantly protective and on the look out for any dangers, if baby is premature he/she will have approx three weeks in the neo-natel ward but do not be worried this it seems to me gets them used to noise and to be comfortable with it, hence when you get home you can play your music and watch the tv at normal volumes without any issue`s. Your first night at home with baby is the biggest shock/reality check you will have but accept it and move on, THIS IS THE START. Baby will want/need feeding every three to four hours, two hours if breast feeding and team work [you and your wife] will be paramount to survival in the first week as sleep can be challenging [but you have four hours between feeds to do that]and soon a routine will start and things will settle down. The health visitor will come and visit every week and weigh the baby and also answer your questions/worrys e.t.c. And before you know it you will be at our stage [ten weeks old] with a massive change in babys size/appearance [its great]
My limited advice
#1 Do not listen to miserable bastards who say that your life is now fucked, there are exciting times ahead, your life will change and revolve around babys feeds/needs but hey is this not what we do ?
#2 try a book called Baby secrets.

You might find that you are suddenly thought of/treated differently/accepted by people you never thought, i was ENJOY

P.S don`t be phased by nappy changing after all you have to wipe your own arse and if you pick and choose which ones to do most of the time you can get just the wet ones hence me shouting down stairs Daddy wins again

reubs,

Agreed with all of the above from deadlifter. Just a few more things to add:

1) No baby is the same and that includes how often the wake up in the night. For me this was the hardest thing at the time - make sure your colleagues know if the lack of sleep is affecting your performance at work

2) Nothing beats seeing your own child and realising how similar they are to you. God is a genius!

3) As they grow, new challenges come and go. Be one step ahead, particularly when it comes to safety

4) The most important relationship in the home is still between you and your wife/partner

5) Buy an inexpensive pram and an expensive/quality stroller (e.g. Maclaren) - this works out to be the best balance of expenditure/utilisation. Kiddicare is a great website for getting bargains

I hope this helps,

Andrew

Sign up to Boots parent club,
Pizza express vouchers on money saving expert.com this restaurant is great and baby friendly with proper bottle warmers and changing facilities

New dad here as well - 6 week old Johana.

It's a great adventure mate - hard work, but a new dimension to life. I took a month off work, and it was great to see her settle into life.

As said above, you'll densitise to nappies after a few goes (although that initial macoma stuff is a bit nasty).

Good luck, hope it all goes well for you.

PS - Your system's fine - better than most folks enjoy. When funds permit a Nait 3 and Rega Ela's could be yours for under £400 if you shop around.

Just realised after mat`s comment,you are entitled to two weeks paternity leave, paid. best taken when baby comes home, for full details go to DIRECTGOV as this tells you about benefits and such like. Next year possibly there is talk of six month`s paternity leave for dads which will be three month`s paid and three month`s unpaid

Thanks very much for the quality replies guys!

At the moment I'm only on a temporary contract, so I can choose my hours quite easily to fit around baby, and my employer is still giving me my paternity leave. Sure, I'll never be a millionaire, but I'll have time with my baby and wife so who cares.

Yes, I'm really looking forward to this - and my wife can't wait to have it out of her tummy! She's a bit uncomfortable at the moment. Just been and bought car seat and base - fingers crossed it comes on time (Thursday 12th).

You need to do a practice run with the car seat because the midwife will come to the car with you when you leave with baby. On the other count send the mrs to work and you do daddy day care, i am just waiting to see if i have got the redundancy i put in for a week ago because my mrs goes back to work in april
GOOD LUCK

Congratulation Reubs!

What a great thread with some really nice offerings by members.

I realize from your post that you are NOT asking for advice, but rather encouraging others to read your blog. But in the spirit of offering our stories I don't mind adding a bit of my own.

I really agree with deadlifter about ignoring people who say how your life is over etc. etc.
If anything I am more patient, caring and less self centered now that I am a dad. I'd say I got the pretty good deal - and alot of unmitigated joy.

I have been through childbirth with my wife twice and they could not have been more different experiences. Our first was 20 hours of labor, followed by an emergency C-section, followed by a six day stay in the hospital. Not as scary as it sounds, just a bit wearying and too exciting for a newbie. Two years later and our daughter came into the world in about 2 hours, we got to the hospital too late for any anesthetics (sp?) and we were home with a new baby within 4 hrs total.

If people ask me for advice on this initial part of the journey, I always say there is little you can do to control the circumstances as a father, but you can be a really good coach and cheering section during the birth. There are lots of scary unfamiliar words and terms and things you did not expect to happen and the best thing I did was to stay calm and be reassuring. One piece of solid "to do" type of advice is to keep a stopwatch. Funny thing about contractions is that they are pretty predictable. My wife was very soothed to have me let her know that the pain would be subsiding in 20 - 10 - 5 seconds. Giving a countdown to relief was helpful in our case. Like a good boy scout, to the delivery room I brought a portable cd player, blankets, pillows, candy, magazines and all of it ended up in shreds on the floor or tossed aside, and the only thing I can remember is the stopwatch. I guess it also made me feel a tad useful.

My kids are now 5 and 7 and wonderful, amazing, great. But I remember going through the realization that I was suddenly powerless to control their emotions, i.e. when or why they had a temper tantrum or why they would not sleep when I wanted. That was and still is a difficult part, but I am learning. There were times that I felt more rage and frustration than I have ever felt and that scared me but I realize it is pretty normal given all the stress and change that was going on. Made me realize that I was a pretty selfish guy and the kids were force feeding me some reality. I also wanted to do everything right, I am a real hands on dad and want to be involved, so I have to recognize that I am not always right and have to forgive myself and apologize to the kids and wife when I make mistakes. That and just enjoying the MOMENT and not freaking out about how I had screwed up in the past and what I would do about college funds, has taken me a long way. I think the kids appreciate it too.

Good luck and enjoy the rollercoaster ride!

Get a decent video camera. Breast is best. Steam cleaner for bottles.

Life as you have previously enjoyed it does change so be prepared for that. Whether it is for the better, different, or worse, only you will know.

Fatherhood freed me from the tyrany of my own self importance

Yikes, my wife is due in mid-January.

Pre-natal classes start this week ...

and the missus agreed that I can name the boy after a pair of speakers !!!

"Darius".

SL2 is a silly name, (for a child).

It would have been Roksan or Allae if it was a girl ;-)

We named ours Johana after Dylan's Visions of Johanna.

Whenever anybody says, "nice name...after the Dylan song?" the wife replies "No, Eddy Grant"

quote:

Originally posted by Andrew Randle:
...Buy .......an expensive/quality stroller (e.g. Maclaren)...

Andrew

Maclaren safety recall

Winky

Yikes, my wife is due in mid-January.
Pre-natal classes start this week ...

Take them with a pinch of salt

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mat Cork:
We named ours Johana after Dylan's Visions of Johanna.

QUOTE]

So why mis-spell it? Serious question. I've always wondered why people do this.

But it is a great name and a great song. I can think of few better inspirations for "naiming" a child.

We thought it looked nicer W...I know, bit of an odd reason.

hey guys,

Reading this thread has made a lump come to my throat!!
Last night we got an unexpected phone call from our 18yr old daughter whos on holiday in Tunisia basically saying how much she misses us and cant wait to come home.
just goes to show that not all teenagers are selfish etc.
so i say congrats to you new or expecting parents and good luck its a long journey but worth it.
ATB - Scotty.

quote:

Originally posted by Mat Cork:
We thought it looked nicer W...I know, bit of an odd reason.

As good a reason as any. I also thought it might have been a more traditional spelling that you chose. I might have been a bit harsh when I said "mis-spelt". "Alternative spelling" might have been more accurate.

its not what you call your kids that counts but the way you bring them up.

quote:

so i say congrats to you new or expecting parents and good luck its a long journey but worth it.

Yep, they eventually leave!

This thread is a massive love-in! And i think it's brilliant.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think we're all agreed that fatherhood is a rollercoaster, and once on it you're powerless to stop it. You may as well enjoy the ride.

I have the feeling it may in fact make me grow up - as people have said, it's another person to put ahead of yourself. I am actually really looking forward to watch the baby develop it's own personality. Apparently my dad much preferred me when I was a bit older and had a bit of character to me (make of that what you will).

Had a dry run with the car seat today - got one that is like a carry-cot that 'clunk clicks' in - very convenient.

And now there are theoretically two days to go - nervously glances at watch.

Enjoy the 'parent education' classes (what ours were termed), after the introductory week ours were very good. meeting other prospective parents is a reassurance in itself. My wife's sister is actually due on 3rd January, and her husband is my best friend, so we've already got an in-built support network. Plus, of course, all the Naim-ees!

P.S. Cool name and reason for it. I was denied Jackson unfortunately.