What is the worst song ever?

Posted by: woodface on 13 November 2001

My vote goes to the amazingly banal 'Heart' with 'All I wanna do is make love to you'. Heard it on the radio today and was reminded just how bad ,lyrically, a song can be. 'He brought the woman out of me, many times, easily' is just one of the many lowlights!

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Mike Hanson

quote:
Well, I mean, it is isn't it?
Stupid really.

I always thought it was a mildly clever paradox. On first inspection, it doesn't seem to make sense. Look at it again and the point becomes clear: the person is so vain, that they would interpret the song as a good thing, rather than as a rebuke.

-=> Mike Hanson <=-

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Former member

Is it a 'double-bluff'?

Bye!

Sammy

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Former member

There's this song, I forget who it's by but unfortunately I can't forget how it goes. Just sing the following along to a generic country & western tune:

"I like beer
It makes me a jolly good fellow
It makes me feel good, it makes me feel high
And sometimes it makes me feel mellow"

Diabolical, I think you'll agree.

But I do have to agree about Celine Dion. And as for Whitney - "Houston, you have a problem".

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Mike Hanson

I'm not sure what double bluff is.

quote:
they would interpret the song as a good thing

What I meant is that the vain fellow would be proud that someone had written a song about him. He cannot see wrong in himself, even when it's made extremely obvious.

However, this is too much talk about one silly song with a "cute" paradox.

-=> Mike Hanson <=-

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by P

Wyclyff Jean murdering Pink Floyds - Wish You Were Here.

Heard it on the radio today - my mouth fell open.

Words fail me.

As for the Stereophonics version of The Handbags and The Gladrags..............

What the hell is going on?

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Former member

quote:
Originally posted by Steve Grantham:

Oh Superman - Laurie Anderson (total toss)

Steve, you can't be serious! It's wonderful!

Admission: Back in 1980-something, I walked into my local record shop. They were playing a 7" import of this song that was quirky and different. I instantly loved it and bought it - O Superman.

I went straight home and played it a couple of times more for the wife (and several friends), who also loved it. A few days, and many plays later I took it off the turntable and took a look at the label and noticed (for the first time) that it said, quite plainly: 33 1/3rd.....

....it was...um...a revelation...

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Mick P

Puppet on a string by Sandie Shaw

It was plain bloody awful.

Regards

Mick

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Former member

A bluff is when you tell somebody something false, hoping that they will believe it to be true.

A double-bluff is when you tell somebody something true, and hope that they think you are lying.

Don't get involved in any poker games.

Bye!

Sammy

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by John C

Molly Bloom!

Samantha, surely you know?

John

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by Jez Quigley

I've been on the phone to Carly Simon, apparently it was about Stallion

Posted on: 14 November 2001 by redeye

Timbo oh Timbo....
Get a grip for God's sake!
Both Georgie Porgy and the Elt have written some rippers in their time
Pour scorn on something worthwhile like..........
Oh Yeah
Fu*king Paul McCartney
Hate that sorry assed son of a whore

He was great in the Beatles tho'
Musta been John's influence

redeye

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Peter Stockwell

Mull of Kintyre, yecch.

Peter

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Pete

... about O Superman. At least what I remember of it. Meep Meep Meep Meep for a few minutes and some processed chatter. Either way over my head or way under my feet, but it didn't do anything for me.

Howzabout The Archies and "Sugar Sugar", a banal lyric to make most banal lyrics look like Shakespeare?

But whatever the worst record ever made is, I'm quite sure Micheal Bolton had a hand in it. And/or Mariah Carey. That awful thing with Boyz II Men brought overcooking turgid poop to new lows.

Dishonourable mention for "Metal Machine Music".

Pete.

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by woodface

I think the novelty records are too easy a target but things like Lady in Red, well the makers should be strung up! The fact that no one has agreed with me on the Heart record means that a few of you must either own or like this record?

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by JRHardee

Save room on the list for Rod Stewart's "Tonight's The Night"--picture this cadaverous lech telling some jailbait to "let your inhibitions run wild".

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by nodrog

Has to be, in the great tradition of actors believing they can also sing, 'MacArthur Park' by Richard Harris. Here's a link to avoid: 1968 Song Lyrics

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Pete

The Heart record you singled out was indeed leaden formulaic tosh, but there's more to being truly dreadful beyond belief than "merely" being leaden formulaic tosh.

They can also be forgiven a lot for the likes of Dreamboat Annie, which is a great rock LP.

Another dishonourable mention would be a lot of the charity records in the wake of Band Aid, generally a group of celebs butchering a previously popular record in the name of a good cause. And looking very sincere on the video. "We Are The World" a particular nadir with its patronising lyrics sung in a "we care a lot" manner ("We Care A Lot" being a rather amusing pastiche of the whole genre, of course). And on the subject of patronising over-sincere lyrics, Michael Jackson's "Earth Song" deserves a mention. Hats off to Jarvis!

Pete.

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Tony L

Worst songs…

Anything involving any of the following: Mick Hucknall, Marty Pellow, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston (except obviously Whitney joins the JAMMS!), Robbie Williams, Cher, boy / girl bands, jazz fusion, bagpipes. Were one to combine two or more of these "factors" on a song I am convinced the hellmouth would open (which would be rather cool assuming it opened under them).

Tony

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Mike Hanson

quote:
Don't get involved in any poker games.

No worries here! I'm not a gambling man; I find the whole endeavour rather dull and pointless. I would much rather be listening to or playing music.

-=> Mike Hanson <=-

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by John C

Tony where's your spirit of adventure. Check out Rufus Harley, king of the jazz bagpipes.

http://www.aaen.com/rufus-harley/

John.C

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Former member

There were a couple of singing miners in the 1970's who won Opportunity Knocks with a song about a pit disaster or something which was truly, truly the most awful thing you've ever heard. Can't remember thier name though.

Rachel

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Jez Quigley

I love bagpipes too, get yoursel' to the western highlands of Scotland and listen to a full band playing in the open air. Brings a lump to yer throat, a tear to the eye, and makes the hairs on your neck stand up.

Must go now to see how close the briks come to reproducing that sound - nothing has so far.

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by woodface

I knew there would be a Heart fan out there. What distresses me most about this particular record is that you can tell that the singer thinks the lyrics are really deep and meaningful. Urggh!!

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Steve Shochet

The most wretched, pretentious song ever penned ...
I've never been to me (Charlene)

"I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that woman ain't supposed to see…
I've been to paradise,
But I've never been to me…."

Blech

Posted on: 15 November 2001 by Former member

The singoing miners were Millican & Nesbitt. Quick straw poll of my office has also produced the following nominees:

"Where did you go my lovely?", Peter Starstedt

"Oh Lori", Alessi

"Burning up the Night", Krokus

"Jeans On", David Dundas

"Standing in the Road", Blackfoot Sue

"Come What May", Vicky Leandros

"A Walk in the Park", Nick Straker Band

Rachel