What is the worst song ever?

Posted by: woodface on 13 November 2001

My vote goes to the amazingly banal 'Heart' with 'All I wanna do is make love to you'. Heard it on the radio today and was reminded just how bad ,lyrically, a song can be. 'He brought the woman out of me, many times, easily' is just one of the many lowlights!
Posted on: 04 December 2001 by matthewr
Tanya Headon shared your confusion: "When I was a kid, I didn't need to be told that "Hotel California" was about something epically dreadful, even if I thought it the hotel was supposed to be haunted by actual Universal Classic-style monsters. By contrast, the Starland Vocal Band's country-lite vision of sex was so antiseptic that for the longest time, I thought "Afternoon Delight" referred to nothing more naughty than a dessert made with Jell-O and Cool Whip whipped topping."

Matthew

Posted on: 04 December 2001 by P
Forgive my ignorance but who the hell is she?

Any relation to Topper?

P.

Posted on: 04 December 2001 by matthewr
Writes a very funny (at least I think its funny) weblog called 'I Hate Music'. Unless you are a prissy, head up your backside indie kid in which Tanya Headon is a hate figure who writes a really silly web column and doesn't understand how wonderful and important music is or has never heard somethign really good like <insert favourite obscure band here>.

See the links a few posts up.

Matthew

As a taster here's Tanya on how to write a Talking Heads song:

1) Pick a subject. This should be something very mundane. The television, perhaps, or animals. Hey! We'll pick computers.

2) Write about your topic in a simple style. Say nothing that is not obvious. How about - You can type on computers. Your words appear on screen.

3) HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART. You now have to turn your kindergarten words into a penetrating reflection of the strangeness of modern life. You do this by singing them in a bug-eyed neurotic voice.

3A) If you don't make the delivery sufficiently nutty you'll have written a Kraftwerk song instead. And that would never do.

4) Embellish your initial lyrics, if you like, with extra ones of even more staggering obviousness. So your song on computers might now run: "You can type! / On computers. / THEY DON'T TYPE BACK! / Your words show up on the screen / People say the screen is black."

5) Play weedy approximation of funk/African/Brazilian music behind devastatingly insightful words.

6) Approach bank. Laugh.

David Byrne applied this technique time and again. He considered cities: each had good points and bad points. What of animals? "They say animals are hairy". Finally his observations reached a stunning peak: on "Once In A Lifetime" (named for how often anyone needs to hear it), he told the world that "There is water at the bottom of the ocean". In other words, David Byrne made Jonathan Richman look like Hegel.

Posted on: 12 December 2001 by Chris Metcalfe
No-one's mentioned the topical creator of 'Una Paloma Blanca' and 'Leap Up and Down and wave' etc etc. Certainly worth a custodial sentence.
Posted on: 13 December 2001 by Mike Sae
On Tricky's Maxinquaye:

quote:
it also has a second half that takes the dirge out of dirigible and then deflates it

LOL!!!! Brilliant!

P.S. I loved that record.

Posted on: 13 December 2001 by matthewr
>> Are the rest of her comments equally insightful? <<

Absolutely -- She's just given Roger Waters a right old slagging.

Matthew

Posted on: 13 December 2001 by Markus
My nominee for worst song would be anything by Neil Diamond. His overblown, overly-dramatic, plasticky emotion and tackiness are too much for me. Perhaps only tied by Barry Manilow.
Posted on: 13 December 2001 by Steve Catterall
quote:
My nominee for worst song would be anything by Neil Diamond

How about 'I'm a believer' - very overly dramatic.

and as for Barry .... how can you not love Bermuda Triangle ... makes people disappear ... you had better watch out !!!

Posted on: 13 December 2001 by herm
macarthur park, hands down

Well, "MacArthur Park" wins hands down. I mean, what kind of man wrote these lines? "Someone left a cake out in the rain / I don't think that I can take it / 'cause it took so long to bake it"

I'd say be my guest. Eat your heart out.

Anyone remembers "Crimson and Clover (Over & Over)"? What was that song about anyway?

And a good part of the early seventies were made virtually unliveable (and those weren't too liveable times by any standards) by soft hip-swaying soul of which the worst and (obviously) most succesful song started something like: "woman - take me in your arms - rock your baby…" (2x) And on and on.

I don't even want to know who sang / swayed those lines, they are too nauseating.

Herm

Posted on: 13 December 2001 by Dean Leroy
herm, It might intrest you to know that your pick is also their's. On a recent Public Radio brodcast here McPark was chosen over a cast of thousands as the #1 song that captured most perfectly the essence of Los Angeles. Cheers. Dean
Posted on: 13 December 2001 by herm
the essence of los angeles?

Are you sure. I have never ever met anyone in the area, who even remotely knew how to bake a cake - OK, maybe take one.

But not in the rain big grin

Bye

Herm

Posted on: 13 February 2002 by Ron Toolsie
... that no one has mentioned the banal trite that the Eurovision contest manages/d to produce. With the noteable exception of Abba, who did eventually move on to far better things, this lackless collection of ear-Nutrasweet is insufferable. Sorry, even Bucks Fizz is included.
I did sorta like that song by (was it?) Nicole, and maybe Nena. But those are two out of literally *thousands*.
As I haven't lived in the UK for 15-plus years, I have no idea if the Eurovision even still exists, except in the Archives of Cack.

Ron
Dum spiro audio
Dum audio vivo


Posted on: 14 February 2002 by Dave J
Has anyone mentioned "Shiny Happy People" yet? And if not, why not?
Posted on: 14 February 2002 by Pete
quote:
Originally posted by Dave J:
Has anyone mentioned "Shiny Happy People" yet? And if not, why not?

'cause it's a good record.

I won "Manilow Magi"c in a pancake race on Tuesday (no, it wasn't last prize, that was "Hammond for Christmas by Kluas Wunderlich) and gave it a spin. If you're seriously suggesting SHP is worse than Copacabana, you need help!

All together, "very bad fashion was always a passion at the Copa, etc."

Pete.

Posted on: 14 February 2002 by JohnS
Pete

You are, of course, correct about the evil Manilow's Copacabana in musical terms. However, your post made me laugh, so I guess that Copacabana, in popular culture terms, isn't that bad. It doesn't make me grit my teeth when I hear it on the radio, unlike some of the other songs mentioned on this post e.g. Grandad, Matchstick Men, Lady In Red.

-John

Posted on: 17 February 2002 by Bob Edwards
Surprised it took so long to get to Barry Manilow--I'd vote for anything of his as "worst" although "Mandy" surely ranks high.

Someone else mentioned Air Supply--agreed.

For anyone in the NJ-NY area, Upsala College (now defunct) used to run the most brilliant college radio station ever--they hosted "The Atrocious Music Show" weekly, which was where I first heard William Shatner attempt to sing. Probably the worst part was not that Shatner thought he had the talent (ego override, anyone?) but that someone actually produced, recorded, and RELEASED it. I've actually got a copy; it is insanely bad and would make any of the others look like Beethoven's Fifth symphony in comparison.

Cheers,

Bob

Posted on: 17 February 2002 by Peter Stockwell
quote:
Originally posted by GRAHAM C FOULGER:
"Scaramoosh scaramoosh shall we do the fandango?"

Why has nobody yet mentioned Bohemian Rhapsody?

Everyone raved about it, was I the only one to think it an absolute load of old b******s?

Graham.


When this came out I went gaga and bought the album, listened to it and found nothing to listen to the more I listened. I didn't get Queen but, when people get nostalgic and bring out the recording of the 1985 'live aid' concert at wembley and you see Freddy Mercury up there on stage you can't help but be impressed.

Peter

Posted on: 18 February 2002 by Alex S.
Along with just about every other Queen song. I had many friends who raved about them and saw them at every opportunity. I ran a mile.

Elton John's reworking (and the original) of Candle in Westminster Cathedral ranks high on my list.

I think that to qualify for 'worst song ever' one must have had pretentions to actually write a serious song, which is why I would leave out all the novelty crap. So Bowie's Major Tom gets near the top of my list, that silly gnome song doesn't qualify.

I'm not that keen on some of Richard Strauss's songs.

Alex

Posted on: 18 February 2002 by Rico
Surely it's "The final countdown" by Europe, or "Angie" by the Rolling Stones, or "Loving You" by Minnie Ripperton?

Or what about that bloody Chicken Song?

For those of you averse to Blue Monday, you have obviously not enjoyed an altered state while listening at high levels coutesy of 12" on LP12, and comensurate Naim Amplification. eek

Rico - SM/Mullet Audio

Posted on: 28 February 2002 by dave brubeck
It has to be 'why does it always rain on me' by travis.

mind you they are from glasgow so they could be right.

talk about droney moaney songs

or

anything to do with 'friends' tv show

or

anything by ocean colour scene
to quote the above - 'twats'

Posted on: 28 February 2002 by woodface
Despite the many suggestions nothing comes close to that awful record by Heart.
Posted on: 28 February 2002 by Martin D
what was that bloody screeching thing from the Body Guard film - something like "still love you"
Ahhhhhhhwaaaaahhhhhh etc.
Cheers
Martin
Posted on: 28 February 2002 by seagull
it has to be a C&W version of Mull of Kintyre (singer unknown) I was subjected to when I was having the snip!

I was asked if I minded some soothing music, well it certainly took my mind off what was going on "downstairs"! eek