True Truths 5.5 + 0.25

I was driving through the leafy winding lanes of Chigwell in Essex, many moons afore with a friend of mine after a few pints at the country club, when he suddenly shouted STOP! Well I did and very abruptly too, and my beloved Singer Gasselle (wonderfully easy to maintain, the brake blocks were an absolute joy to work on) came to a grinding halt, slightly scraping a tree in the process, and scratching the bow a little bit, but otherwise all was well. We got out of the car and ran back, and there it was walking across the road, though fortunately totally unharmed, there it was; an ant!

With great relief, I let it walk onto my finger where I noticed it wasn't wearing either a collar or a nametag, so this was definately a lost ant. My friend gently nudged him into a matchbox (swan vesta) he had carefully nested out with fresh grass (and prepared earlier), and we drove our new friend to the local police station without stopping on the way. After speaking to the station sergeant for a few minutes, she unceremoniously chucked all three of us out into the street, muttering something about wasting police time or some such thing, and in fact she had no interest in the matter what'soever, we were pretty, er, shocked and stunned, I can tell you, Oh yes.

Deciding to adopt the little fellow, we pondered en-route home upon about what ants actually ate, and eventually compramised with one portion of rock & chips, and an ice lolly for pudding, both of which he (I think it was a he, becuase it wasn't very fussy what we gave it) went crazy-bonkers over, and swiftly scoffed the whole bally lot. It was only a few weeks later though I was waking up one morning to start another busy day, when I noticed that ant (I'd never actually named him, I mean what the hell do call an ant?) was missing, and his box was in pieces strewn all over the room? After putting two and two together I finally realised that my cat Chopin had eaten the ant, which saddenned me actually, as he had a whole garden full of ants to play with, and he has to go and eat my pet one (maybe he was jealous?). Ah well, we buried the box by the pond with a loud volley of shots, and then just continued life as if he'd never existed in the first place, sad really (like you do, innit).

I wonder if Peter Cook ever had ants as pets?

You're a diamond you ♦ There are wasps too!

If he had been half a bee instead of an ant, you could have called him Eric.

?

quote:

Originally posted by BobPaterso:
If he had been half a bee instead of an ant, you could have called him Eric.

Is Vic there?

How can you call half a Bee, Eric? I mean that's really silly innit, now Mo, I could understand that John, if you called it Mo

P.S. Apparently Sedwick-Forbes UK, used to do a naughty little line in professional indemnity, if anybody is at all interested? (ask for Jack):

N.B. The title of this thread is supposed to be TT5½ + ¼., but for some reason it just wont play ball? I wonder if Admin could kindly take a butchers at it, I'd be most awfully obliged Squire !!!

Pretty Vic ant !

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
Pretty Vic ant !

Certainly quite attractive.

You lost me there for half a Mo, Adders old chap !

There's no point in asking
You'll get no reply
Just remembered don't decide
I got no reason it's all too much
You'll always find us
Out to lunch
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We’re vic ant
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
Vic ant
Don't ask us to attend
Cause we're not all there
I don't pretend cause I don't care
I don't believe illusions
Too much is real
Stuff your cheap comment
Cause we know what we feel
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We’re vic ant
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
Vic ant
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
And now
And we don't care
There's no point in asking
You'll get no reply
I just remembered I don't decide
I got no reason it's all too much
You'll always find me
Out to lunch
We’re out at lunch
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We’re vic ant
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
We’re vic ant
We're so pretty
Oh so pretty
And now
And we don't care
We're pretty
Pretty vic ant
We're pretty
Pretty vic ant
We're pretty
Pretty vic ant
We're pretty
Pretty vic ant
And we don’t care

Now let's all sing along.

Nigel

The night is young, the mood is mellow
And there's music in my ears
Say, is Vic there?
I hear ringing in the air
So I answer the phone
A voice comes over clear
Say, is Vic there?

Thank you Adam, most grateful, I'm sure it's fine! I'm afraid I don't really understand all this modern metric stuff very well, I mean a sixth of a Gill is fine, but all of Gill is even more betterer, though I'm suffering greatly from last nights spontaneous swift 0,5's, innit:

P.S. Did you mention you were only making plans for Nigel?


Cheers, Nige anyway Son

Founder member:Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ants (called Vic)

quote:

only making plans for Nigel

He has his future in British Steel.

I once had 'Is Vic There?' in French. 'Il'y'a de la musique dans l'air' didn't scan so well.

And remember, Antpeople are the warriors, Ant music is the banner...........

Nigel

quote:

Originally posted by Berlin Fritz:
You lost me there for half a Mo, Adders old chap !

Strange Day - I think the 70s are finally wearing off and I have discovered sobriety.

"Mein Fuhrer, I Can Walk!"

Thanks for that Our Nige, one learns something new every day doesn't one John! British steel used to be big in Leeds didn't it if I recall collectly ((as Magnus M would say)? Yes Our Vic lived in a nice big house on Guernsey I believe, and quite a drum too it was, or so I'm led to believe, though i Is easily led at times, of being easily led!

Talking of learning lessons, I'm rather hoping that Rangers get their arses kicked this evening too, and did you know that 'Wilma' is so full of wind at present; she's already a catagory 5 puff, let's just hope Our George evacuates Alaska in time, eh

I twisted my sobriety once !


I've always been rather partial to a black pinstripe (thin) Chador personally

After watchin an enlightening 'refresher' documentary earlier about McCarthyesque paranoia built up in the land of the free & the brave, during the reds under the bed period, I couldn't help to contemplate again what Kennedy said To Blair today in the hoose, and how Blair larfed him off over his fears of British Civil Rights and Liberties being ever so stealthily and efficiently eroded forever, innit.



Goodnight again


Apparently it's possible these days to actually track down the very photocopier used to enhance peoples bums at office christmas partys!

I think Our Deano secretly desires voluptuous female dentists who wear black silk overalls on the job, to get his Hamsteads stuck into, though sshhh!! don't tell anybody, cos Mum's the word, innit

You know when you open a packet of pasta and the bag breaks and they fly all over the shop? well guess who's just done that very thing? Bedtime Florence:

0,25Ib of Lemon Sherberts please Mister

and that was another shocker for me when I came south.
I had been used to quarter gills and then I was given a fifth or sometimes a sixth gill for the same price.

Scotland to Essex

Essex to Scotland

Difficult to decide which is worse really innit


Booze killed McCarthy in the end, I wonder if it was vodka?

Bed ! Finally: I didn't get where I am today by sitting idly chatting all day & night on internet forums, like some folk I could mention !

I can't decide which is worse either

Oh, how the neophytes in these here parts must wonder what it's all about?

John.

Fritz

One uses dried pasta? A little common, no?

Common as muck me! Our Deano, though I always remove the dishes from kitchen sink like, before pissing in it, innit

Our Mick's New Posh Scouse-Style BBQ That He Won At The Lodge's Last Raffle

quote:

Originally posted by J.N.:
Oh, how the neophytes in these here parts must wonder what it's all about?

John.

If the truth were to be known I'm not too bloody sure myself either Dave?

P.S. I've often wondered if the reasoning behind introducing vagrancy laws earlier last Century was to simply not allow anybody to be completely free in society, perhaps Our Mick would care to add some wise words on the matter !

Who would want to be completley free? Sounds a bit empty. Besides - freedom is/was attained by force and maintained by the threat of force.