boring ?

Posted by: Arye_Gur on 26 March 2001

In a small town there were a rabbi and a rector.
The two were friends, and every Sunday
the rabbi was meeting the rector riding his bicycle from the Sunday homily.
Once, the rabbi saw the rector goes by foot. What happned to your bicycle? he asked.
Someone stall them - do you have an idea how can I find the thief ?
Yes, says the rabbi, next Sunday, while saying the homily, read the ten commands and when you'll
say "don't steal" look at the eyes of the people and you'll know who the thief is.
next Sunday, the rabbi goes and the rector comes across on his bicycle. Well, says the rabbi, I see I gave you a good idea. Yes, says the rector,
I stood in front of the people, said the ten commands, and when I said "don't womanize" I
remembered when I forgot my bicycle.

Arye

PS
What is the link to Naim you ask ?
It is better to listen to music than riding a bicycle.

Posted on: 05 April 2001 by P
The saloon bar doors swing and creak open.....

A tall dark swarthy stranger stands silhouetted agin the burnin sky....

He saunters his way to the bar, spurs clickin and a whirrin on the creaky groanin flurbids.....

The bored bartender stirs from his stupor....

"Whit kin I's git yur stranger?"

"I'm lickin fer Billy the Kird" says the stranger

All heads turn and the swarthy lookin dude seated on the bar stool in close proximity turns slowly and peers from under his stetson and says.....in a deep deep voice......

"Who might be lookin?"

The stranger says " I'm the finest gunslinger that ever walked this earth and I hears Billy the Kird is a fancy pants who fancies his chances".....

A subdued groan among the gatherin occurs....

"We eell" - says the resident dude "Billy's around but he dont mess with no wannabies, why don't you show us all whit yer kin do?"

With that prompting our man quickly whips out his pistol from his leg holster - throws the thing spinning highly into the air - catches it then shoots, behind his back, without looking, and the piano players candle gets blown clean in half.....

"Purdy good" says our deep friend at the bar.. "but ye'll hef ter do burder than that if you think ye'll stand a chance 'ginst Billy the Kird".....

Almost instantaneously.... our man, yet again, whips out his pistol, only this time he tosses it even higher into the air....catches it then bends over and shoots between his spreadeagled legs behind him and knocks both the piano players arm bands clean off...

A major "wow" amongst the crowd occurs...

"Purdy good" says the guy at the bar turnin slowly t'ward him , "but lemmee give you some advice.....

"Now see that sight on the end of that there gun barrel.....?

"We,eell git yerself a tool and file that muther real smoooooooth...." he says

"Then git yourself some real fine goose grease and smother that whole barrel with it.....

At this juncture our tall dark swarthy friend, somewhat perturbed, interjects......

"Ang on a minute mate....

"you want me to file the end sight off of me favourite gun... then you want me to smother the barrel in goose grease?????"

"what the hill fir??????"

The stranger retorts...

"Well...... when Billy the Kid gits off of that there piano he's more than likely gonna shove that there gun of yirs right up yer ASS!!!!!


P.

Posted on: 07 April 2001 by Ron The Mon
In the hospital, hi-fi forum members gathered in the waiting room where their fellow member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your friend at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The forum members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked,"Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Mana owner's brain, and $200 for a FRAIM owner's brain."
The moment turned awkward. Mana owners in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the FRAIM owners, but some actually smirked. A Mana user, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask.
"Why is the Mana owner's brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said,"It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the FRAIM user's brains, because they've actually been used."
Posted on: 08 April 2001 by Cheese

Bernard

Posted on: 09 April 2001 by John Schmidt
A brilliant young medical student, in addition to his core studies, has an interest in unusual diets and a passion for disco dancing competitions.

While doing his internship in a small country town, he meets a corpulent young woman named Gloria who desperately wants to lose weight. Our young doctor prescribes one of his unusual diets: eat nothing but a ton of pork for the next year.

Time passes. The doctor establishes both his practise and his reputation as a disco dancer. One weekend he returns to the town where he first met Gloria, for a disco dancing competition being held outside under a tent, as part of a country fair. Who should he meet but Gloria, now looking very svelte indeed. The doctor is so inspired by Gloria's success with his diet that he puts on a marvelous performance and sweeps all the prizes in the disco competition.

In other words:

Now has the winner in our disco tent
Made Gloria slimmer with a ton of pork.

Cheers,

John Schmidt
"90% of everything is crud" - Theodore Sturgeon

Posted on: 09 April 2001 by Arthur Bye
This is for all you Microsoft fans out there

"http://rita.thegourmet.com/computers.html"

Enjoy!