Sexuality, sexual orientation, and Western civilaization
Posted by: Phil Barry on 20 February 2004
I have long wondered why my society (the US) shows so much contempt for male homosexuals.
The primary cause I could think of for homophobia is an extremely wide-spread and deep fear of one's own latent homosexuality - but this has never made sense to me. I simply think that most people don't need to attack others just because they think they are attracted to a person of their gender.
This morning, while listening to NPR I heard yet another male express his outrage that same-sex marriage demeans 'real' marriage, I expressed my curiosity about the source of the speaker's opposition to homosexuals.
My wife, a psychotherapist, responded that some current thinkers in psych circles hypothesize that rejectors of homosexuality are probably rejecting sexuality as a whole.
So, I ask readers for their thoughts on the sources of homophobia. Does it setm from natural human tendencies, or just from patriarchal societies? Do cultures that don't derive from the Bible have similar beliefs?
Phil
The primary cause I could think of for homophobia is an extremely wide-spread and deep fear of one's own latent homosexuality - but this has never made sense to me. I simply think that most people don't need to attack others just because they think they are attracted to a person of their gender.
This morning, while listening to NPR I heard yet another male express his outrage that same-sex marriage demeans 'real' marriage, I expressed my curiosity about the source of the speaker's opposition to homosexuals.
My wife, a psychotherapist, responded that some current thinkers in psych circles hypothesize that rejectors of homosexuality are probably rejecting sexuality as a whole.
So, I ask readers for their thoughts on the sources of homophobia. Does it setm from natural human tendencies, or just from patriarchal societies? Do cultures that don't derive from the Bible have similar beliefs?
Phil
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Former member
Perhaps homophobia - or the public expression of it - is partly fuelled by the desire to demonstrate the absolute impossibility of one's being gay oneself. This is perhaps fairly understandable in a culture that fetishises masculinity. It's probably significant that gay people can't be recognised as being gay. Guys know that the bloke standing next to you in the shower could be gay all along - hence the need to demonstrate that THEY aren't.
It does amaze me though that people who would never dream of making racist remarks on this forum will quite happily be homophobic and insist it's all a matter of opinion.
David
It does amaze me though that people who would never dream of making racist remarks on this forum will quite happily be homophobic and insist it's all a matter of opinion.
David
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Stephen Bennett
'Homerphobia - a fear of the Simpsons'

But on a more serious note.......
No, bugger it. I can't face another debate. I've never understood predudice. I don't care what gender, color, sexuality, race, creed, ability, intellect, religion or height you are. I dislike everyone equally.

I also believe that you can't choose who you fall in love with. You just do.
Stephen
But on a more serious note.......
No, bugger it. I can't face another debate. I've never understood predudice. I don't care what gender, color, sexuality, race, creed, ability, intellect, religion or height you are. I dislike everyone equally.
I also believe that you can't choose who you fall in love with. You just do.
Stephen
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Stephen Bennett
Maybe I should rephrase 'bugger it....'

S
S
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Steve O
It's better than "bugger me" Stephen.....
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by matthewr
Its my impression that it's a hangover from excessively puritanical and sexual repressive eras of our respective pasts -- in your case Pilgrim Fathers and in ours the Victorians. Although to be fair they did come up with Thanksgiving and Xmas as well.
Matthew
Matthew
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by J.N.
Hi Phil
A real big issue.
I'm a pretty average 48 year old (divorced) bloke, and I suppose I was brought up to regard homosexuality as 'wrong'.
I guess that parents of my generation just told their kids that it was 'wrong'.
The bible definitely said it was 'wrong'.
The danger is of course; that one does not question certain issues at a young age - one just accepts it, if enough people tell you that something is 'wrong'.
Hopefully; this is changing as the current generation of (responsible) parents tell their kids that it's OK to have a 'same-sex-relationship'.
We can only hope that homophobia and racism will be eradicated, as kids grow up with increasingly disparate ethnic individuals and less traditional family groups.
What really makes me laugh, is that the church now says - "Well perhaps sodomites are OK really"?
What next?
"The devil - is he all bad"?
A real big issue.
I'm a pretty average 48 year old (divorced) bloke, and I suppose I was brought up to regard homosexuality as 'wrong'.
I guess that parents of my generation just told their kids that it was 'wrong'.
The bible definitely said it was 'wrong'.
The danger is of course; that one does not question certain issues at a young age - one just accepts it, if enough people tell you that something is 'wrong'.
Hopefully; this is changing as the current generation of (responsible) parents tell their kids that it's OK to have a 'same-sex-relationship'.
We can only hope that homophobia and racism will be eradicated, as kids grow up with increasingly disparate ethnic individuals and less traditional family groups.
What really makes me laugh, is that the church now says - "Well perhaps sodomites are OK really"?
What next?
"The devil - is he all bad"?
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by ErikL
I'll go along with Matthew and add that the rejection of homosexuality, IMO, is also due to more of the same Christian fundamentalist "imperialism" rampant in many pockets of the US, or the "if you don't act, think, pray, love, etc like me/us then something's wrong with you and it must change or be stopped" attitude.
That, and fearing something they don't understand. I mean, you still hear people saying things like "oh, those homosexuals are all so promiscuous, that's why we have AIDS, aren't they gross, I wouldn't swim in the same pool as one, blah, blah, blah".
That, and fearing something they don't understand. I mean, you still hear people saying things like "oh, those homosexuals are all so promiscuous, that's why we have AIDS, aren't they gross, I wouldn't swim in the same pool as one, blah, blah, blah".
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Basil
quote:
The bible definitely said it was 'wrong'.
The Bible can be twisted to say pretty much anything.
My thoughts;
To be honest I don't really care.
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by ARC
I know very little about religion and the bible but was wondering if the bible stating homosexuality is wrong was a social history comment. Many years ago procreation of one's own tribe/race was important as you tended to live in small groups. In other words was it a case of sex without the possibilty of children is wrong as it does not preserve your own tribe. This on the vast majority of occasions is now out of date but was probably relevant in biblical times.
It would not take much of a leap over many many years to interpret the bible as homosexuality is wrong.
Live and let live, tolerance and love thy neighbour, that's what its all about.
Brendan
It would not take much of a leap over many many years to interpret the bible as homosexuality is wrong.
Live and let live, tolerance and love thy neighbour, that's what its all about.
Brendan
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Kevin-W
Quote from Matthew Robinson
It's my impression that it's a hangover from excessively puritanical and sexual repressive eras of our respective pasts -- in your case Pilgrim Fathers and in ours the Victorians. Although to be fair they did come up with Thanksgiving and Xmas as well.
It goes back a bit further than that, surely? Nor is it confined to "Western" or Christian cultures. All those bloody awful desert religions – Judaism, Islam, Christianity etc - are rife with homophobia. Perhaps it's all to do with a man's "seed" being wasted because it can't be used for breeding. There's a bit of a taboo about masturbation, don't forget.
For what it's worth, what consenting adults do to each other in private is not a matter for intervention by anyone - church, state, priest, mullah or private citizen.If anyone can come up with an argument for why it should be, I look forward to shooting them down.
Kevin
It's my impression that it's a hangover from excessively puritanical and sexual repressive eras of our respective pasts -- in your case Pilgrim Fathers and in ours the Victorians. Although to be fair they did come up with Thanksgiving and Xmas as well.
It goes back a bit further than that, surely? Nor is it confined to "Western" or Christian cultures. All those bloody awful desert religions – Judaism, Islam, Christianity etc - are rife with homophobia. Perhaps it's all to do with a man's "seed" being wasted because it can't be used for breeding. There's a bit of a taboo about masturbation, don't forget.
For what it's worth, what consenting adults do to each other in private is not a matter for intervention by anyone - church, state, priest, mullah or private citizen.If anyone can come up with an argument for why it should be, I look forward to shooting them down.
Kevin
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by DAVOhorn
It is not just Christianity that considers Homosexuality wrong.
Many religions do.
Also it was not considered acceptable to be homosexual when i was at school in the 1970's.
The poor devils usually got a good hiding off the school bullies.
This was not usually acted upon by the school.
Today there is more tolerance of difference and as such many homosexuals no longer have to hide their life style.
My complaint is that it is becoming more overt and thus objectionable. especially in the media.
Graham Norton i find most objectionable and offensive and even prejudiced in his promotion of homosexuality.
I do have friends who are homosexual but they do not flaunt it . They do not need to as it is just how they are and how they live their lives.
regards david
Many religions do.
Also it was not considered acceptable to be homosexual when i was at school in the 1970's.
The poor devils usually got a good hiding off the school bullies.
This was not usually acted upon by the school.
Today there is more tolerance of difference and as such many homosexuals no longer have to hide their life style.
My complaint is that it is becoming more overt and thus objectionable. especially in the media.
Graham Norton i find most objectionable and offensive and even prejudiced in his promotion of homosexuality.
I do have friends who are homosexual but they do not flaunt it . They do not need to as it is just how they are and how they live their lives.
regards david
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Former member
I think your wife is right that homophobs also reject sexuality, but not only from a "formal" psych view. Realising the depth and breadth of sexual experiences we also understand that sex can develop into many directions, like homosexuality.
This understanding is not necessary for acceptance of homosexuality - humility/equality e.g. should be enough - but going a little out of the default dominant role (esp. towards a touch of queer-ness - modern queer, that's not only related to same-sex sex) implies better understanding and identification.
Omer.
This understanding is not necessary for acceptance of homosexuality - humility/equality e.g. should be enough - but going a little out of the default dominant role (esp. towards a touch of queer-ness - modern queer, that's not only related to same-sex sex) implies better understanding and identification.
Omer.
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by herm
Why blame Western civilization?
Holland has been very open towards gays for more than a generation, and so are Scandinavian people, and the French, too. These countries are part of Western Civ, aren't they?
However, we have been importing, via Turkey and Marocco, large groups of people who, via their hepped-up Muslim background (often more earnest than back home), are very intolerant of sexual diversity.
So there is rising violence towards gays in night life, in schools (teachers getting beaten up) and other public places. Same of course for antisemitism and misogyny.
Herman
Holland has been very open towards gays for more than a generation, and so are Scandinavian people, and the French, too. These countries are part of Western Civ, aren't they?
However, we have been importing, via Turkey and Marocco, large groups of people who, via their hepped-up Muslim background (often more earnest than back home), are very intolerant of sexual diversity.
So there is rising violence towards gays in night life, in schools (teachers getting beaten up) and other public places. Same of course for antisemitism and misogyny.
Herman
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Phil Barry
Bible (Old Testament) translations say something like, 'A man who lies with another man as with a woman' should be put to death.
To me this is clear indication that the Bible does not come directly from God, or, if it did, it does not come from a perfect God. I prefer to believe that the actual statement has been lost in copying somewhere - but that's an opinion, i.e. not arguable.
Regards.
Phil
To me this is clear indication that the Bible does not come directly from God, or, if it did, it does not come from a perfect God. I prefer to believe that the actual statement has been lost in copying somewhere - but that's an opinion, i.e. not arguable.
Regards.
Phil
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Johns Naim
Hmmm
Interesting post, on a complex subject.
I'd say, just scratching the surface of it mind, that the mid-west right wing fundamentalist Christian movement in the US, pushes pretty hard with a political agenda to actively oppose homosexuality at every turn that it can, and to thus influence social values and perceptions wherever possible.
Sadly the nature of fundamentalist absolutionist Christianity is not far distanced from any other sort of religious absolutionist fundamentalism in that it proposes infallible scripture, always interpreted literally, albeit usually quite selectively, and imposed without further thought or question upon the followers/victims. Who then, in their sense of either superiority, or perhaps insecurity go on to foister their views upon anyone they can influence, and by any means in whatever particular arenas they consider desirable for their cause.
As has been previously stated, one can use the Bible to justify most views one may choose to take on the subject, and sadly the fundamentalist never questions his dogma, merely follows it and foists it upon all and sundry.
In my experience religious fundamentalism would be one of, but far from being the only, cause of homophobia.
Gender roles, mainly learned from childhood seem to come into it as well, as in the early lessons of boys wear blue, and girls wear pink, to boys playing in sandpits, whilst little girls play with dolls and helping Mommy in the kitchen etc. Those who then go on to a fairly polarised view of life given such relatively clearly defined early childhood 'roles' seem to be loath to accept differences - partly I feel because accepting difference brings into question the validity of the role that they have 'choosen' for themselves, and the easiest and least fearful way to deal with this, is not to question themselves, but to question the difference.
As an example, I speak well. As I am not Australian born, I do not have an Australian accent. It is therefore often assumed that I must be gay, because I speak well. I am basing this comment on remarks I have received from other people in various work situations.
Perhaps it was the incongruity of the particular work place, with an accent that would be deemed more at place in an office/admin situation that made my then work colleagues come to this formation of ideas and judgements.
Perhaps because I was relaxed about myself, and saw no need to make exaggerated displays of so called Masculine traits, that they felt insecure about the difference and needed to deal with it as I have pointed out, not by questioning their own 'role' but by putting what they perceived to be mine, down.
And at times they did so quite overtly, as I was subjected to a not inconsiderable amount of verbal abuse, sexual harrasement, and even physical assault in a couple of instances.
All this homophobia was based purely on the way I spoke, nothing more, but they could not handle the difference basically.
Most interestingly, the perpetrators of this homophobia towards me were basically Anglo Saxon, plus some Southern European and middle eastern folks mixed in. What was perhaps even more interesting in that particular work place, was that there were also quite a few Indian students working, who, I guess by their different cultural conditioning, displayed what a typical Anglo Saxon would describe as latent homosexual behaviour; holding hands, leaning on each others shoulders, arms around each other etc, but because they were from a different culture entirely, that was somehow accepted and deemed quite OK.
So my contention then, is that one of the causes of homophobia has to be the inability of a culture to accept differences from within itself, based mostly upon insecurity as far as I am able to tell based as it is not upon careful social study, but my own experiences.
I for the better part, got on reasonably well with the Indian students, certainly more so than the Caucasions, and had a few interesting discussions re the subject we're discussing here.
Naturally, my observations are limited to a small group of people, so I am not in any position to say it is Indian culture generally, and would be most interested to hear of other viewpoints/experiences on their culture, however it does appear to be a very male dominated society, and the males tend to congregate in groups, with quite overt displays of affection between them. Further, one fellow I spoke to shared the experience that he had slept with many of his friends, as in sexually, and that it was 'known' and considered a part of his culture, provided it wasn't public - as he stated he still had his wife, and others their girlfriends, but if they were together in a group out somewhere, and ended up staying overnight together, 'things went on' as he put it 'behind the curtain' which was seen as being part of normal life.
BUT, and this is the interesting part, this was NOT seen as being bi-sexual, or gay, just a normal part of life and their culture as he saw it. On the other hand, to say the actions he discussed participating in, he, or his friends might be bi, or gay, was a HUGE NO-NO, in no uncertain terms, and quite unacceptable in his society and cultural viewpoint - at which point he showed as much homophobia as anyone else!
So again, from my own personal experiences, I conclude that cultural and gender conditioning, mixed in with fundamentalist religious ideology would be some of the more fundamental causes of homophobia, however there will be many more to be sure.
Sorry about the long post - heheh, interesting subject to me, particularly as I've been on the receiving end of homophobia myself.
Best Regards to All
John...
Populist thinking exalts the simplistic and the ordinary
Interesting post, on a complex subject.
I'd say, just scratching the surface of it mind, that the mid-west right wing fundamentalist Christian movement in the US, pushes pretty hard with a political agenda to actively oppose homosexuality at every turn that it can, and to thus influence social values and perceptions wherever possible.
Sadly the nature of fundamentalist absolutionist Christianity is not far distanced from any other sort of religious absolutionist fundamentalism in that it proposes infallible scripture, always interpreted literally, albeit usually quite selectively, and imposed without further thought or question upon the followers/victims. Who then, in their sense of either superiority, or perhaps insecurity go on to foister their views upon anyone they can influence, and by any means in whatever particular arenas they consider desirable for their cause.
As has been previously stated, one can use the Bible to justify most views one may choose to take on the subject, and sadly the fundamentalist never questions his dogma, merely follows it and foists it upon all and sundry.
In my experience religious fundamentalism would be one of, but far from being the only, cause of homophobia.
Gender roles, mainly learned from childhood seem to come into it as well, as in the early lessons of boys wear blue, and girls wear pink, to boys playing in sandpits, whilst little girls play with dolls and helping Mommy in the kitchen etc. Those who then go on to a fairly polarised view of life given such relatively clearly defined early childhood 'roles' seem to be loath to accept differences - partly I feel because accepting difference brings into question the validity of the role that they have 'choosen' for themselves, and the easiest and least fearful way to deal with this, is not to question themselves, but to question the difference.
As an example, I speak well. As I am not Australian born, I do not have an Australian accent. It is therefore often assumed that I must be gay, because I speak well. I am basing this comment on remarks I have received from other people in various work situations.
Perhaps it was the incongruity of the particular work place, with an accent that would be deemed more at place in an office/admin situation that made my then work colleagues come to this formation of ideas and judgements.
Perhaps because I was relaxed about myself, and saw no need to make exaggerated displays of so called Masculine traits, that they felt insecure about the difference and needed to deal with it as I have pointed out, not by questioning their own 'role' but by putting what they perceived to be mine, down.
And at times they did so quite overtly, as I was subjected to a not inconsiderable amount of verbal abuse, sexual harrasement, and even physical assault in a couple of instances.
All this homophobia was based purely on the way I spoke, nothing more, but they could not handle the difference basically.
Most interestingly, the perpetrators of this homophobia towards me were basically Anglo Saxon, plus some Southern European and middle eastern folks mixed in. What was perhaps even more interesting in that particular work place, was that there were also quite a few Indian students working, who, I guess by their different cultural conditioning, displayed what a typical Anglo Saxon would describe as latent homosexual behaviour; holding hands, leaning on each others shoulders, arms around each other etc, but because they were from a different culture entirely, that was somehow accepted and deemed quite OK.
So my contention then, is that one of the causes of homophobia has to be the inability of a culture to accept differences from within itself, based mostly upon insecurity as far as I am able to tell based as it is not upon careful social study, but my own experiences.
I for the better part, got on reasonably well with the Indian students, certainly more so than the Caucasions, and had a few interesting discussions re the subject we're discussing here.
Naturally, my observations are limited to a small group of people, so I am not in any position to say it is Indian culture generally, and would be most interested to hear of other viewpoints/experiences on their culture, however it does appear to be a very male dominated society, and the males tend to congregate in groups, with quite overt displays of affection between them. Further, one fellow I spoke to shared the experience that he had slept with many of his friends, as in sexually, and that it was 'known' and considered a part of his culture, provided it wasn't public - as he stated he still had his wife, and others their girlfriends, but if they were together in a group out somewhere, and ended up staying overnight together, 'things went on' as he put it 'behind the curtain' which was seen as being part of normal life.
BUT, and this is the interesting part, this was NOT seen as being bi-sexual, or gay, just a normal part of life and their culture as he saw it. On the other hand, to say the actions he discussed participating in, he, or his friends might be bi, or gay, was a HUGE NO-NO, in no uncertain terms, and quite unacceptable in his society and cultural viewpoint - at which point he showed as much homophobia as anyone else!
So again, from my own personal experiences, I conclude that cultural and gender conditioning, mixed in with fundamentalist religious ideology would be some of the more fundamental causes of homophobia, however there will be many more to be sure.
Sorry about the long post - heheh, interesting subject to me, particularly as I've been on the receiving end of homophobia myself.
Best Regards to All
John...
Populist thinking exalts the simplistic and the ordinary
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by matthewr
"Bible (Old Testament) translations say something like, 'A man who lies with another man as with a woman' should be put to death"
That bit of Leviticus also says you cannot wear clothes of mixed fibres -- so in Old Testament terms shagging a bloke is no different from a polycotton shirt.
Matthew
PS Although obviously short sleeved polycotton shirts *are* an abomniation before God and you'll be damned for eternitiy should you choose to wear one.
That bit of Leviticus also says you cannot wear clothes of mixed fibres -- so in Old Testament terms shagging a bloke is no different from a polycotton shirt.
Matthew
PS Although obviously short sleeved polycotton shirts *are* an abomniation before God and you'll be damned for eternitiy should you choose to wear one.
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Rasher
quote:
Originally posted by Phil Barry:
Bible (Old Testament) translations say something like, 'A man who lies with another man as with a woman' should be put to death.
Yeah...that's not my God then. Mine promotes understanding, and loving everyone equally.
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Rasher
quote:
Originally posted by Matthew Robinson:
Although obviously short sleeved polycotton shirts *are* an abomniation before God and you'll be damned for eternitiy should you choose to wear one.
And ironically it is St Michael that makes them!
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by ErikL
All those Euro-hip clubber dudes and their shiny shirts are going to hell. Awesome.

Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Former member
Its a funny old busines this. One of the most pervasive aspects is a sort of "do as I say, not as I do," mentality.
My father, five times married and also bi-sexual, took merciless pleasure in humiliating me as an adolescent about what he saw as my "queernes" which is hugely ironic considering that during the whole time I had ONE girl friend while he had THREE wives! And a few other to lye down with as it were. I am half Norwegian, and perhaps they are less Scandinavian than the Swedes or the Danes, but I can say they are not terribly liberal on the subject for sure. My mother is now on her third marriage - to someone of Irano-Jordanian extraction - six years younger than me! Now if that is an upbringing to leave you isolated than I do not know what is. My relationship to my father was actually such that I attended his grave an hour after the funeral. Not pleasant, nor happy as I had tried to reach out to him in the last weeks, and months. Not funny. Yes this is a bit too revealing. Because he was a hypocrite, and my mother a person of supreme self centred-ness, I have come to an interesting conclusion about the phenomeneon of the family and how to formulate a phylosophy for life, also given a profoundly Christian (not convincing!) and (apparently to outiders) sheltered upbringing: Work out what the AGPs (late in my pater's case) would have done, consider it, and start again! Forget religeon and consider sleeping with one conscience. Now that amounts to not being hateful and hurting people. Care not how hard that might sometimes be to do. DO IT.
So forget all this cultural stuff and the dictates of religeon. Be kind; be gentle; be accepting; try not to preach. [I am not telling anyone what to do, but how one (in my experience) may cope with life. This may be seen as advice, but not a prescription].
If you can say that you are these things, then you can sleep easily, and not worry what this or that mad fundamentaslist has to say. Love people as you see fit. Don't play with them. And if you are gay, so be as good as any other good person. The reason I write this is that I can no more than the next person be sure where they are sexually, but at my age my love would have expressed itself in the gay way if I were (I guess), even though I remain the least confident person know. I still have not got over the kind of brutal (and hypocritical) homophobia of my father and complete strangeness of my mother. So I get quite wound up by any sort of direct black and whiteness in debates like this and the marriage debate, which for all its hatefull bitterness will hopefully now have finnished.
I think it was GB Shaw who though that civilisation was a brilliant idea and should be invented sometime. People are people - imperfect in terms of society's expectations - yet still wonderful in the main. Try not to be too hard on the people who cannot but be homosexual. Be humble enough to admit that under different circumstances it might be you on the recieving end of the approbrium.
Fredrik Fiske
My father, five times married and also bi-sexual, took merciless pleasure in humiliating me as an adolescent about what he saw as my "queernes" which is hugely ironic considering that during the whole time I had ONE girl friend while he had THREE wives! And a few other to lye down with as it were. I am half Norwegian, and perhaps they are less Scandinavian than the Swedes or the Danes, but I can say they are not terribly liberal on the subject for sure. My mother is now on her third marriage - to someone of Irano-Jordanian extraction - six years younger than me! Now if that is an upbringing to leave you isolated than I do not know what is. My relationship to my father was actually such that I attended his grave an hour after the funeral. Not pleasant, nor happy as I had tried to reach out to him in the last weeks, and months. Not funny. Yes this is a bit too revealing. Because he was a hypocrite, and my mother a person of supreme self centred-ness, I have come to an interesting conclusion about the phenomeneon of the family and how to formulate a phylosophy for life, also given a profoundly Christian (not convincing!) and (apparently to outiders) sheltered upbringing: Work out what the AGPs (late in my pater's case) would have done, consider it, and start again! Forget religeon and consider sleeping with one conscience. Now that amounts to not being hateful and hurting people. Care not how hard that might sometimes be to do. DO IT.
So forget all this cultural stuff and the dictates of religeon. Be kind; be gentle; be accepting; try not to preach. [I am not telling anyone what to do, but how one (in my experience) may cope with life. This may be seen as advice, but not a prescription].
If you can say that you are these things, then you can sleep easily, and not worry what this or that mad fundamentaslist has to say. Love people as you see fit. Don't play with them. And if you are gay, so be as good as any other good person. The reason I write this is that I can no more than the next person be sure where they are sexually, but at my age my love would have expressed itself in the gay way if I were (I guess), even though I remain the least confident person know. I still have not got over the kind of brutal (and hypocritical) homophobia of my father and complete strangeness of my mother. So I get quite wound up by any sort of direct black and whiteness in debates like this and the marriage debate, which for all its hatefull bitterness will hopefully now have finnished.
I think it was GB Shaw who though that civilisation was a brilliant idea and should be invented sometime. People are people - imperfect in terms of society's expectations - yet still wonderful in the main. Try not to be too hard on the people who cannot but be homosexual. Be humble enough to admit that under different circumstances it might be you on the recieving end of the approbrium.
Fredrik Fiske
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Peter Stockwell
Fredrik,
In all sincerity, I thank you for your post. I've just had a look through this one and the gay marriage thread. It's so easy to be a bully, and your post underlines the shameful consequences of bullying.
Thanks
Peter
In all sincerity, I thank you for your post. I've just had a look through this one and the gay marriage thread. It's so easy to be a bully, and your post underlines the shameful consequences of bullying.
Thanks
Peter
Posted on: 20 February 2004 by Steve Toy
quote:
The poor devils usually got a good hiding off the school bullies.
I know of one poor devil who got a good hiding from the PE teacher for forgetting his PE kit. As the slipper blows rained down on his rear the teacher made references to how his evening employment as a waiter/glass collector at a local pub run by a gay couple meant that he didn't have time to pack his bag for school the next day.
Tolerance and respect can be lacking in many quarters.
Regards,
Steve.
Posted on: 21 February 2004 by BrianD
DAVOhorn
I’m not sure at what age I knew what a homosexual was. What I do know is that my daughter, who is now 14, was called a ‘lesbian’ by her classmates when she was aged 11. I doubt that the people taunting her really knew what they are saying when they called her a ‘lesbian’. They did it because she was different, she would speak in a very mature manner, being able to hold an intelligent conversation with adults even at that age. Her classmates termed her a ‘lesbian’ and that was bullying, plain and simple. Some people will bully anybody who is ‘different, whether that difference be that the other person is fat, black, has a stammer or anything else that makes them ‘different’ from the ‘group’. And it’s usually a group, because they’re invariably cowards who do this. In the specific case of my daughter, because there is nothing strange about her appearance, she couldn’t be termed fat or anything, she was called a lesbian instead because they had to pick on her for something. She still finds it difficult to make friends in her age group now, most of her friends are a couple of years older than her so she fairly isolated at times and was been subjected to more bullying last Easter, again through being ‘different’. This time it was because she likes to study and do well in class, so she was a lesbian again. We have to watch the situation with our daughter very carefully to ensure things don’t get out of hand. She copes very well, but I do hope that as she gets older this problem will ease for her.
Johns Naim
I did this with my own 2 children, I also have a son aged 11. Happily, my children aren’t in the slightest bit interested in who might be homosexual.
Johns Naim
I can believe this completely. In the 70’s, people considered gay at my school were termed ‘homs’. I will tell you another reason someone will be called a ‘hom’. I come from Newcastle, anybody not speaking like a proper Geordie at my school was instantly suspected of being a ‘hom’, so they were up against it immediately. But the other reason I came across was that one lad decided to take cookery lessons. Yes, believe me, when we reached the time to make our ‘O’ level choices, he opted to take cookery lessons. He was tormented for probaby a year for being homosexual based solely on this choice. He was different, nobody had a clue whether this lad was a hom or not, but he was on his own and not part of the group, so he had to be bullied. Because he looked like everybody else, but did cookery lessons with the girls, he was 100% cast iron certainty, a hom. Perhaps he was, perhaps he wasn’t, point is it didn’t matter anyway whether he was or not.
It must start somewhere and I don’t really know where else it starts other than in this kind of situation when people are young. It seems to me to be part of how cruel young people can be to each other for very little reason at all. Some will obviously go on to take this bullying attitude into adulthood and that's a problem. I would hate to believe that this kind of thing goes on in an adult environment to a great extent, but no doubt it does, I’ve just never come across it. The activities I’ve described above, when carried out by 13 or 14 year olds (or younger), I would see as plain ignorance. Very hurtful, but I don’t believe they really know what they’re doing. But, replicated in the work place by mature adults and I would see it as homophobia for sure.
As some know from past posts, I spent many years in the Services and despite what people may hear about what happens to homosexuals ‘uncovered’ during service, I haven’t come across any violence toward anyone ‘caught out’, for want of a better phrase. I know of only one homosexual at a place I was based, that person was discharged from the Service, but there was no violence toward the person that I’m aware of. Had there been, I’d have done something about it. Rules had to be followed of course, but that doesn’t include gratuitous violence. There is a homosexual at my work place right now but there is no sense of anyone treating this person in any way differently to anyone else, so I agree it will depend upon the environment a person is in.
Finally, the best post on this thread so far is the one by Fredrik. I like this bit……..
quote:
Also it was not considered acceptable to be homosexual when i was at school in the 1970's.
The poor devils usually got a good hiding off the school bullies.
I’m not sure at what age I knew what a homosexual was. What I do know is that my daughter, who is now 14, was called a ‘lesbian’ by her classmates when she was aged 11. I doubt that the people taunting her really knew what they are saying when they called her a ‘lesbian’. They did it because she was different, she would speak in a very mature manner, being able to hold an intelligent conversation with adults even at that age. Her classmates termed her a ‘lesbian’ and that was bullying, plain and simple. Some people will bully anybody who is ‘different, whether that difference be that the other person is fat, black, has a stammer or anything else that makes them ‘different’ from the ‘group’. And it’s usually a group, because they’re invariably cowards who do this. In the specific case of my daughter, because there is nothing strange about her appearance, she couldn’t be termed fat or anything, she was called a lesbian instead because they had to pick on her for something. She still finds it difficult to make friends in her age group now, most of her friends are a couple of years older than her so she fairly isolated at times and was been subjected to more bullying last Easter, again through being ‘different’. This time it was because she likes to study and do well in class, so she was a lesbian again. We have to watch the situation with our daughter very carefully to ensure things don’t get out of hand. She copes very well, but I do hope that as she gets older this problem will ease for her.
Johns Naim
quote:
Gender roles, mainly learned from childhood seem to come into it as well, as in the early lessons of boys wear blue, and girls wear pink, to boys playing in sandpits, whilst little girls play with dolls and helping Mommy in the kitchen etc.
I did this with my own 2 children, I also have a son aged 11. Happily, my children aren’t in the slightest bit interested in who might be homosexual.
Johns Naim
quote:
As an example, I speak well. As I am not Australian born, I do not have an Australian accent. It is therefore often assumed that I must be gay, because I speak well. I am basing this comment on remarks I have received from other people in various work situations.
I can believe this completely. In the 70’s, people considered gay at my school were termed ‘homs’. I will tell you another reason someone will be called a ‘hom’. I come from Newcastle, anybody not speaking like a proper Geordie at my school was instantly suspected of being a ‘hom’, so they were up against it immediately. But the other reason I came across was that one lad decided to take cookery lessons. Yes, believe me, when we reached the time to make our ‘O’ level choices, he opted to take cookery lessons. He was tormented for probaby a year for being homosexual based solely on this choice. He was different, nobody had a clue whether this lad was a hom or not, but he was on his own and not part of the group, so he had to be bullied. Because he looked like everybody else, but did cookery lessons with the girls, he was 100% cast iron certainty, a hom. Perhaps he was, perhaps he wasn’t, point is it didn’t matter anyway whether he was or not.
It must start somewhere and I don’t really know where else it starts other than in this kind of situation when people are young. It seems to me to be part of how cruel young people can be to each other for very little reason at all. Some will obviously go on to take this bullying attitude into adulthood and that's a problem. I would hate to believe that this kind of thing goes on in an adult environment to a great extent, but no doubt it does, I’ve just never come across it. The activities I’ve described above, when carried out by 13 or 14 year olds (or younger), I would see as plain ignorance. Very hurtful, but I don’t believe they really know what they’re doing. But, replicated in the work place by mature adults and I would see it as homophobia for sure.
As some know from past posts, I spent many years in the Services and despite what people may hear about what happens to homosexuals ‘uncovered’ during service, I haven’t come across any violence toward anyone ‘caught out’, for want of a better phrase. I know of only one homosexual at a place I was based, that person was discharged from the Service, but there was no violence toward the person that I’m aware of. Had there been, I’d have done something about it. Rules had to be followed of course, but that doesn’t include gratuitous violence. There is a homosexual at my work place right now but there is no sense of anyone treating this person in any way differently to anyone else, so I agree it will depend upon the environment a person is in.
Finally, the best post on this thread so far is the one by Fredrik. I like this bit……..
quote:
Be kind; be gentle; be accepting; try not to preach. [I am not telling anyone what to do, but how one (in my experience) may cope with life. This may be seen as advice, but not a prescription].
Posted on: 21 February 2004 by Phil Barry
Another possible source of homophobia is envy, now that I think of it.
Gays are a small minority, and they (like all of us) band together with similar people - they form an 'in group' or secret society.
Non-members may become envious, thereby entering into a dysfunctional relationship with the gay 'in group'.
Another potential source is that some or many straight people may conclude - at some psychological level - that gays get great, secret pleasure from their sexual activities, pleasure that is not open to those who reject homosexual activity. These activities are not attractive to the straights, but they are resented because the gays are somehow getting more pleasure than the straights.
As people are often wont to do, majority straights conspire to prohibit the pleasures in which they are unwilling to participate, resulting in discrimination against gays, with a whole body of 'thought' growing up in a desparate attempt to justify the morally inexcusable discrimination.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread.
Phil
Gays are a small minority, and they (like all of us) band together with similar people - they form an 'in group' or secret society.
Non-members may become envious, thereby entering into a dysfunctional relationship with the gay 'in group'.
Another potential source is that some or many straight people may conclude - at some psychological level - that gays get great, secret pleasure from their sexual activities, pleasure that is not open to those who reject homosexual activity. These activities are not attractive to the straights, but they are resented because the gays are somehow getting more pleasure than the straights.
As people are often wont to do, majority straights conspire to prohibit the pleasures in which they are unwilling to participate, resulting in discrimination against gays, with a whole body of 'thought' growing up in a desparate attempt to justify the morally inexcusable discrimination.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread.
Phil
Posted on: 22 February 2004 by Nigel Cavendish
"Another possible source of homophobia is envy, now that I think of it."
Possible, but unlikely I suspect.
Straight people (the majority) might see homosexuals (the minority) as abnormal, unnatural, anti-evolutionary (non-procreative), or simply cannot understand how same sexes can be sexually attracted.
I doubt that truly straight people could be envious however
cheers
Nigel
Possible, but unlikely I suspect.
Straight people (the majority) might see homosexuals (the minority) as abnormal, unnatural, anti-evolutionary (non-procreative), or simply cannot understand how same sexes can be sexually attracted.
I doubt that truly straight people could be envious however
cheers
Nigel