Sir Clement Freud 1924-2009
Posted by: JWM on 16 April 2009
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by Officer DBL
No more Minced Morsels for his friend Henry. Sad Day.
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by seagull
Sad loss of a national treasure.
Very fitting tribute on the Today programme on R4 this morning with Stephen Fry (another national treasure).
They recounted a story of when he was visiting China with, amongst others, Winston Churchill (the younger) and discovered that he had a smaller hotel room than Churchill. He asked about this and was told it was because Churchill had a famous grandfather. Freud commented that 'it was the only time he had ever been "out-grandfathered"'.
Very fitting tribute on the Today programme on R4 this morning with Stephen Fry (another national treasure).
They recounted a story of when he was visiting China with, amongst others, Winston Churchill (the younger) and discovered that he had a smaller hotel room than Churchill. He asked about this and was told it was because Churchill had a famous grandfather. Freud commented that 'it was the only time he had ever been "out-grandfathered"'.
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by Guido Fawkes
I remember Clement on Just-A-Minute being asked to speak on Frances Bacon. Clement said Frances Bacon was the kind of generalisation he abhorred, like Spain is Paella, Italy is Spaghetti, Germany is Sausage and France is Bacon.
An absolute star and a very sad loss.
An absolute star and a very sad loss.
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by JamieL
Very sad, the last of the original four contestants on 'Just a Minute'. He had an original wit.
He will be greatly missed.
He will be greatly missed.
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by BigH47
So sad. RIP.
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by JamieWednesday
A Clement Freud joke...
The Inland Revenue decide to audit Cyril, summon him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who is not surprised when Cyril arrives with his solicitor. The auditor says: 'Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment, and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that Her Majesty's Customs and Excise finds that explanation difficult to believe.'
"'I am a great gambler and can prove it,' says Cyril. 'Would you like a demonstration?'
"The auditor considers this for a moment and agrees. Cyril says: 'I bet you a thousand pounds I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks for a while, finally says: 'It's a bet.'
"Cyril removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor looks sick.
"'I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye,' says Cyril. The auditor can tell Cyril isn't blind, so he accepts the bet. Cyril removes his false teeth and bites the good eye.
"The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost £3,000, with Cyril's solicitor as a witness; he gets very nervous. 'Double or nothing?' Cyril says. 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on the righthand side of your desk and piss into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between.'
"The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but examines the proposal carefully. Cyril is not a tall man, the desk is eight foot wide; he decides there is simply no way Cyril could do that, so he agrees again.
"Cyril stands at the side of the desk, unzips his trousers, strains for all he is worth but cannot make the stream reach the bin on the far side, and finishes up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then notices that Cyril's solicitor is moaning, with his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' asks the auditor.
"'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Cyril told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet.'
The Inland Revenue decide to audit Cyril, summon him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who is not surprised when Cyril arrives with his solicitor. The auditor says: 'Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment, and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that Her Majesty's Customs and Excise finds that explanation difficult to believe.'
"'I am a great gambler and can prove it,' says Cyril. 'Would you like a demonstration?'
"The auditor considers this for a moment and agrees. Cyril says: 'I bet you a thousand pounds I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks for a while, finally says: 'It's a bet.'
"Cyril removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor looks sick.
"'I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye,' says Cyril. The auditor can tell Cyril isn't blind, so he accepts the bet. Cyril removes his false teeth and bites the good eye.
"The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost £3,000, with Cyril's solicitor as a witness; he gets very nervous. 'Double or nothing?' Cyril says. 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on the righthand side of your desk and piss into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between.'
"The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but examines the proposal carefully. Cyril is not a tall man, the desk is eight foot wide; he decides there is simply no way Cyril could do that, so he agrees again.
"Cyril stands at the side of the desk, unzips his trousers, strains for all he is worth but cannot make the stream reach the bin on the far side, and finishes up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then notices that Cyril's solicitor is moaning, with his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' asks the auditor.
"'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Cyril told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet.'
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by tonym
A lovely story told by him.
When he was a boy he and his Grandfather Sigmund, the well known Psychiatrist, were walking in Vienna and they came across a man lying on the floor having a fit. There was quite a large crowd of people gathered around watching the poor chap on the ground.
During the course of the attack the man’s hat had fallen off and kind people were putting money in it.
After watching for a couple of minutes Sigmund started to move away.
“Shall we too put money in the hat?” said Clement.
“No,” said Grandfather Sigmund, “he wasn’t good enough!”
When he was a boy he and his Grandfather Sigmund, the well known Psychiatrist, were walking in Vienna and they came across a man lying on the floor having a fit. There was quite a large crowd of people gathered around watching the poor chap on the ground.
During the course of the attack the man’s hat had fallen off and kind people were putting money in it.
After watching for a couple of minutes Sigmund started to move away.
“Shall we too put money in the hat?” said Clement.
“No,” said Grandfather Sigmund, “he wasn’t good enough!”
Posted on: 16 April 2009 by Analogue
So sad - RIP
Posted on: 17 April 2009 by Mike Dudley
quote:Originally posted by JamieWednesday:
A Clement Freud joke...
The Inland Revenue decide to audit Cyril, summon him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who is not surprised when Cyril arrives with his solicitor. The auditor says: 'Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment, and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that Her Majesty's Customs and Excise finds that explanation difficult to believe.'
"'I am a great gambler and can prove it,' says Cyril. 'Would you like a demonstration?'
"The auditor considers this for a moment and agrees. Cyril says: 'I bet you a thousand pounds I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks for a while, finally says: 'It's a bet.'
"Cyril removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor looks sick.
"'I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye,' says Cyril. The auditor can tell Cyril isn't blind, so he accepts the bet. Cyril removes his false teeth and bites the good eye.
"The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost £3,000, with Cyril's solicitor as a witness; he gets very nervous. 'Double or nothing?' Cyril says. 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on the righthand side of your desk and piss into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between.'
"The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now but examines the proposal carefully. Cyril is not a tall man, the desk is eight foot wide; he decides there is simply no way Cyril could do that, so he agrees again.
"Cyril stands at the side of the desk, unzips his trousers, strains for all he is worth but cannot make the stream reach the bin on the far side, and finishes up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then notices that Cyril's solicitor is moaning, with his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' asks the auditor.
"'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Cyril told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet.'
How old is this joke? It's exctly the same as the one told by Quentin Tarantino's character in "Mariachi" (apart from the setting - Quentin's was set in a bar)..