Musical puns and other wordplay

 I Dont have time to write any more, I’m too Bizet.

The viola: An instrument played by failed second violinists. - WA Mozart on one his favourite instruments.

The faggot [basson]: An instrument of the bass-line, yet not possessed of a bass tone - Dr Johnson

The cello: Sounds more like a bee trapped in a jar than a musical instrument - GB Shaw.

ATB from George

Handel was leading a rehearsal: The serpent was making a poor contribution. A serpent is a bass instrument made of brass and leather like an early tuba.

He was displeased by the tone and accuracy of the emanating sounds, and he told the player,

"Dat woss not ze serpent vich tempted Eve!"

ATB from George

Elgar leading a rehearsal of the Scherzo of his Second Symphony to the Clarinets.

"At [bar] 92 I need you to play forte. Your see you must be clearly heard."

Clarinet leader, "Directly at 92?"

Elgar, "Yes, Ninety two and Forty!"

ATB from George

I fancied a pasty for my tea so I thought, "Should it one from  Grieg's or maybe a Ginestra's?

steve

Surely from the Hall Of The Mountain King would be best!

ATB from George

Didn't Thomas Beecham refer to the harpsicord as sounding like 'two skeletons copulating on a tin roof' ?

G

Yes, but he was wrong. In those days the French had the Pleyel, which really was a monstrosity, and can be well listened to in the recordings of Landowska ...

Beecham did not have great experience of English Harpsichord production ...

ATB from George

PS: In England [at that time] we had the Goble reconstructions and in Germany they had the Amer. These had good tone, and clear pitch. The French Playel was a true monster that did danage to what the Harpsichord has to offer ... The restored Baroque instruments are the best!

Right, here we have the first funny one so far:

The next song is about subtraction.

Take it away!

You had to be there ...

"Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart!" shouted his friend.

"What?" Said Mozart.

.....but it was too late as he was attacked by a gang of wolves.

(don't blame me, blame Milton Jones)

Sur-el-ly Mozart actually dies of Mercury poisoning?

On  slightly safer ground, was it Sir Thomas on being asked to be Godfather to an admirer's child replied: "Certailny Madam but why bring God into it?"

......and dont call me Shirley.

Neither the Goble nor the Ammer harpsichords from that period (1950es and 1960es) were instruments which even faintly recalled the memory of period instruments, but they were rather a kind of plunked pianos except for the metal frame, but the big two manual Goff even had metal frame like the big Pleyel. It wasn´t until the mid 1970es that the leading harpsichord builders in Germany and England began to build harpsichords based on historical research. I think Beecham might have got a more fruitful view upon the harpsichord, if he had been more familiar with period instruments.

Regards Poul

Dear Poul,

The harpsichord was near still-born in modern times because of the dreadful instrument made in the early and mid twentieth century!

A real harpsichord is a truly joyful instrument though!

ATB from George

Another piece of music badly advertised.

Carmina Biriani

ATB from George

That was Orff- flu!

I asked my Spanish wife how we would summon the servants whilst we were away from home. She said 'Pach el -bel or Canon'.

The researcher asked the professor 'How should we calibrate the petri dish, sir?' The don replied, 'Purcell'.

'Dad, dad, how many of the broken fencing panels shall I fix?'

'Mend all son!'

Split personality keyboard:

The Forte e Piano ...

ATB from George

Name for a dog that won't stop yapping?

Offenbach.

Oh the Witt!

Nearly as good as the one about the  Oratorio S400s...

I like Debussy's La Mer the way I like my crisps: Solti.

I hear Genesis have written a song about an Austrian composer, it's called Suppe's Ready.

Is a Cavalleria Rusticana a clapped out old Vauxhall?

steve